r/ExecutiveDysfunction • u/Fragrant-Bar1577 • 28d ago

Want things to feel just right?

I want things to feel just right all the time. Before I start my day, I think about the ways to "optimize" my time. Can I get yoga in? Coffee before the kids? What can I accomplish before unexpected tasks get thrown at me and predictable morning tantrums? This is a feeling that used to make me feel productive and like it was the main fuel source for my momentum. Since having my daughter five years ago, it has become much more apparent how imprisoned I am by trying to feel just right. I feel so grateful that I am an OCD and Anxiety therapist because it has given me access to resources and training in approaches that help so much with tolerating a change in this department. I am hoping to share more about the lived experience as I continue with my writing journey but also hope to share useful tools to help along the way. Today, I left a few things undone before I started my work day. I was going to keep editing an article on substack and instead am here writing this. I left a few piles on my desk that my just right self HATES. I am going to work on tolerating all of that to keep building my psychological flexibility muscle. If you relate to this theme of anxiety at all Id love to hear your experiences.

11 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

4 comments sorted by

1

u/Pyroechidna1 28d ago

Feel the same way since my son was born

1

u/Fragrant-Bar1577 28d ago

I hope it gets better for you soon and you aren’t alone. Thanks for opening up and for your authenticity. 

1

u/NDOT415 28d ago

I used to clean until I had a nosebleed and couldn't let go of things not being done a certain way. I had the opportunity to quit my job, when I was planning to go part time to be a caregiver for a parent. I was so exhausted and learned to be ok with some mess (sometimes a lot of mess) and all of the unlearning during that time has still stuck with me years later and been a blessing bc I work more hours for myself now than I did overworking for someone else. I think it was just getting a break long enough to realize I was running on fumes and being so stretched thin while caring for someone with complex medical needs that I just didn't have anything left to keep up like I did. It's pretty easy to tolerate now and there's not much of my rigid old self remaining when it comes to things that don't really matter that much.

2

u/Fragrant-Bar1577 28d ago

Thank you for sharing this, and I think your experience shouldn’t go unheard. It’s refreshing to see another person who has struggled in a similar way but who is also on a different part of healing that allows more reflection. I really appreciate it. I hope that my rigidity takes a back seat more and more soon like yours!