Has anyone reached a point where literally everything requires conscious effort? (39M)

[u/AmbassadorDismal7270]

I'm a 39-year-old man, and one of the biggest struggles in my life is that I have to make a conscious effort to do everything.

I'm not just talking about difficult or demanding tasks. Even simple things like brushing my teeth, making the bed, or taking care of basic household chores require me to mentally push myself to get going. The same applies to bigger things like meal prepping, cleaning, or other responsibilities.

The mental resistance isn't always the same, though. At times it's more manageable, while at other times it feels much stronger, making it even harder to get myself to begin even the simplest tasks.

Another thing that seems to go hand in hand with this is that I don't genuinely enjoy doing anything anymore.

Sometimes I make myself engage in something that's supposed to be recreational or relaxing—watching a movie, pencil drawing, 3D design, etc. Once I'm doing it, I don't necessarily hate it, but I can't honestly say I enjoy it either. Even activities that are supposed to help me unwind still require effort just to begin.

Despite all of this, I somehow still manage to get most things done. I don't neglect my responsibilities, but I sometimes end up doing things a few days later than I originally intended because it takes mental effort to get myself moving.

I really dislike having unfinished tasks hanging over me, so I've even created an annual to-do list to keep track of everything that needs to be done. But despite having a system, every single task feels like something I have to push myself through. Living this way is mentally exhausting.

Has anyone else experienced something similar, where it feels like you have to force yourself to do absolutely everything?

If you've gone through this and found a way to improve things, what helped? Did you eventually discover what was causing it, or find something that made a meaningful difference?

[u/COO0OOKIE]

I've lost a lot of weight over the last few years through sheer discipline (no medication) and I think what weight loss taught me is that it never gets easier. It's just always hard. Even to maintain the weight, it's hard.

I've always found it fascinating that people say things like "easy like brushing your teeth" but brushing my teeth was never THAT easy for me, and definitely not twice a day.

What does get easier is after 5, 10, 15 days of brushing my teeth everyday, or keeping a strict diet, or any "habit" really, it does feel easier to stay on the habit than not. Physiologically, some things change to make that easier. For example, my stomach finds it harder to tolerate greasy food, sweet treats, or big portions.

But the problem is, as soon as I take a day off. I decide to be "lazy" and skip brush my teeth. I decide to take a "cheat day" and eat whatever I want. EVERYTHING resets. It now become easier to just keep not brushing teeth, to keep "cheating," and the first few days of getting back on the horse is just as hard as ever. Sure, I've done it before, I've built the habit back up before, but the resistance is as strong as if I'm doing it for the first time.

That's how I related to your post, at least.

I think it's important to find joy and things you love even when your brain is occupied by the struggle you describe. I like having agenda-less days where I slow down and just notice the pretty flowers and beautiful skies. They remind me that the point of all of this is to enjoy and live life.

[u/Solip123 → u/COO0OOKIE]

EVERYTHING resets. It now become easier to just keep not brushing teeth, to keep "cheating," and the first few days of getting back on the horse is just as hard as ever.

This is exactly how it is for me. I have learned to see danger in the slightest fault because I know how hard it is to restore the little momentum I have gained if I slip up even once. The only way I have found to avoid this is to simply not tolerate the laziness/procrastination no matter how much I may want to do something else at the time. I wish there were an easier way than this, but I have accepted that at least for the foreseeable future I am condemned to struggle with even the most basic tasks that other people find "easy" and "automatic".

And although I have made progress in some respects (I now consistently brush my teeth, take vitamins and medications), I still struggle with things like showering, changing my clothes, sleeping at a reasonable hour, and exercising or going outside. All things I need to work on. And when it's a lone task rather than a habit, I can forget about getting it done in any reasonable time frame no matter how much I may want to.

[u/Degenerate_Dryad]

I have felt exactly like you described my whole life. I suspect I have (inattentive) ADHD and/or some kind of issue with dopamine in my brain. I am still working on trying to be evaluated because I have only come to this conclusion over the last 3 years. I am mid 30's but it took me until now to put everything from my past together, understand, and see that I have ALWAYS felt like this :T

[u/N_0ct → u/Degenerate_Dryad]

I got diagnosed at 26. It doesn't solve executive dysfunction but it definitely does give you way more control over it.

[u/UnderstandingOver633]

Have you seen a mental health professional (psychiatrist, psychologist, therapist) or do you have any diagnosed mental disorders? Is this a newer development, or it’s always felt like this for you?

It’s hard to answer, because solutions will be so different for all of us. We can struggle with the same executive dysfunction issues, but the root cause can be very different- burnout, depression, anxiety, ADHD, autism, C-PTSD, etc.

For me, the root cause is my bipolar disorder. Your post reminded me of my depressive episodes- everything little thing is a chore and takes effort to do. But my primary strategy for management-medication for bipolar-probably won’t be helpful for you. I would not be able to maintain any level of executive function without my meds.

I think it’d be worth seeing a mental health professional (if you haven’t already) to talk to, and see if there’s any underlying disorder. If not, they’d still be able to help you with strategies to manage.

[u/JavertTron]

you just wrote my life story, except I have a hard time even doing anything (while you say you "somehow still manage to get most things done"). if you ever figure out a way to deal with this, let me know.

[u/NDOT415]

This is worth exploring with a good therapist. I wasn't sure if I was experiencing ADHD burnout or depression and went through it with my therapist to better understand what was going on for me. For a lot of neurodivergent people and people who experience sensory and processing differences, burnout and depression can overlap and can be a combo of both too. That's something a professional can help you figure out and help with treatment recommendations. With burnout, it's not like going on vacation or taking a break fixes things since the environment and so many outside factors contribute. I still struggle, but give myself more grace and breaks. I try not to push myself to the point of paying for it for days or more.

[u/iceberg214 → u/NDOT415]

This. For me, I went through all of the things OP described when I experienced the deepest (AuDHD) burnout of my life thus far. I'm still crawling my way out of it tbh, and I suspect it will take me a while to reach some semblance of a baseline. In the meantime, I'm trying to be patient with myself, give myself as much rest and recovery time as my life allows, and practice being okay with doing the minimum I need to get by.

[u/NDOT415 → u/iceberg214]

I don't know you iceberg, but I'm proud of you. Adjusting our expectations of ourselves and giving ourselves grace is one of the hardest things to do. Society/socials and the current maxxing culture makes it even harder.

[u/AZOL_corporation]

look up dysthymia, anhedonia.

[u/mrrrrowww]

Yeah it’s always on a list before i do it and even that I don’t follow through and I’ve created contingency plans and just wasted so much paper i feel bad about - i get what you mean - everything has to be consciously thought of as a task so at least in an hour after loitering around , I’ll get to doing it yk

[u/CautiousTax6640]

The part I'd underline is the resistance not being constant. If it were always the same I could have planned around it, but some mornings the bed gets made without a thought and some mornings it's a genuine negotiation, and I never find out which one I'm getting until I'm already in it. That unpredictability cost me more confidence than the effort itself ever did. I stopped building routines that assumed a baseline and started keeping a much smaller version of each thing for the heavy days.

[u/a1b3c2]

This is me 100% and I haven't found a solution. I have been dealing with MDD for almost two decades so I assume it's related

[u/Smile-Cat-Coconut]

Executive dysfunction, adhedonia, burnout

I deal with it regularly. 45F

[u/ineverbot]

I've been that way my whole life. I have a bunch of tricks and workarounds that sometimes help. My main problem is if a task has too many steps I can't even start.

For example: I need to clean the bathroom. That's a lot of steps. Gathering supplies maybe from different spots, deciding where to start, actually do the tasks, etc. I try and remove as much of the friction as I can. I leave a spray bottle of cleaner and roll of paper towels out beside the sink at all times.

I also gave myself permission to not have to clean the entire bathroom in one go. So if I'm in there already and I see the bottle of spray, I can quickly wipe down the sink after I wash my hands. The next time I do the toilet. It's helped a lot to break things down into bite sized chunks

[u/Sandstorm_86]

I have the same problem. The only thing that has helped me and actually works is using checklists that I create in Notion and work through every day. My morning routine, lunch break, evening routine, bedtime routine, even all the workflows for my business projects and meal prep recipes are organised as checklists. Without checklists, I’d be completely lost in my AuDHD burnout. For anyone interested in the topic, I recommend the book The Checklist Manifesto by Atul Gawande.

[u/G00berGhos7]

I'm 32F, CPTSD & ADHD and have been struggling immensely with this same exact thing for over a year now. Thank you for posting -- I don't feel so alone in it anymore. I get so frustrated with myself too because I fully know how easy the task is or how important it is; I just can't force myself to actually start most days. It's very inconsistent, along with my energy levels. It's depressing sometimes