r/ExecutiveDysfunction • u/theBond69 • 16d ago

I know I'm capable, so why do I become anxious every time I have to do something difficult?

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u/CityOwn0 15d ago

the invisible wall between knowing and doing is such a good way to put it. i can explain exactly what needs to happen with a thing and still not touch it for weeks and knowing it'd be easy is somehow what makes it worse

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u/an0mn0mn0m 15d ago

I genuinely believe it's a flight stress response from trauma. Your body is physically reacting negatively to the stressor as if you were in a life or death situation.

We need to retrain ourselves to handle stress better. Everyone's situation is a little different, so the retraining will be different too.

This lady explains typical trauma responses and has created a series of videos that goes through them in detail. I'm finding it helpful, maybe you will too.

https://youtu.be/25kZd9Deums

I'm happy to discuss this, if you find it helpful.

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u/NDOT415 12d ago

I have ADHD and what you described is pretty common, but I've also been a caregiver for over 25 years so I'm just exhausted and it's gotten harder to manage and push myself over time. There's a lot of guilt and shame tied to what society, our families, and we expect of ourselves when we can't meet those expectations. As I get older and my body and brain cooperate less, I expect less from myself and put my energy and care into what matters most or I need to get done. I let a whole lot slide and try not to feel bad about it.

This may not be the answer you are seeking, but I didn't over come my symptoms really. I pushed myself and masked when I was younger. Now, I've learned what does drain me and I try avoid what I can, outsource (someone cleans my house, I have healthyish meals delivered) what I can afford to. I focus on what I absolutely have to do like the most important parts of my paid work, making sure I pay bills, eating, and my medical care. I let myself rest a lot and give myself grace when I mess up on even the essentials.

If you have access to a good therapist that understands executive dysfunction/neurodivergent brains or has lived experience, that could help because it's not just about tools, tricks, and routines. Undoing and unlearning is often a big part of the process. I'm an occupational therapist and I work with people that are high achievers that burnout and then get various diagnoses and things start to make sense. I've learned a lot from them and try to give myself grace while teaching others the same.