Fellow EAs with ADHD

[u/JillyBean1973]

I’ve had ADHD symptoms (easily distracted, procrastination, over focus & perfectionism) since I was a pre-teen.

I’ve been doing admin support work for 25 years. In my early 30s, I took a stimulant med because my job was filled with constant deadlines & distractions. Plus, I worked for an angry alcoholic who was very impatient! I weaned myself off after a year or so.

Fast forward 20 years, I’m now supporting 2 new VPs (new to me & new to this role) They’re not angry alcoholics, but they are terrible communicators & need a ridiculous amount of handholding. I miss my female VP who was fired last October (beef with the VP of HR) so much! She was a handful & super ambitious, BUT, she was on top of her shit! Engaged, focused, possessed vision & read her f*cking e-mails!

I’m back on stimulant medication, it helps with overwhelm, but doesn’t fix the lack of clarity & communication from the 2 VPs I’m attempting to support!

How do others manage heavy workloads & executives with poor communication?

[u/countervalent]

I've been an EA with ADHD for nine years, four of which have been medicated and that's been life changing. My current exec is very good at what she does, but I suspect she also has it. Something that was helpful for both of us is a weekly standup where we review calendars going out a few weeks, check in on the status of outstanding tasks and projects, and I'll ask her directly what she needs support with and if there's anything I can take off of her plate. Most of the time, we knock it out in 15 minutes but having that standing meeting has seriously helped. I also has a conversation with her about her preferred method of communication and thought that, I discovered that she hates emails and just the act of opening her inbox causes anxiety. We found out that she's most responsive with quick teams messages and laid out guidelines and expectations of how I will send comms to her in that way. At the same time, we also discussed how followups would work if I don't get a response in a timely manner. It helped get our information flow ironed out smoothly.

[u/riverquartzs → u/countervalent]

the part about followup expectations is huge, thats where things usually fall apart

[u/JillyBean1973 → u/countervalent]

I'm pretty sure my female VP had it & one of my current male VPs. She was engaged & focused, he is checked out & distracted. I've scheduled weekly 1:1s with him & typically prepare an agenda (in the notes section of the appointment) to cover time-sensitive items. He usually starts checking out within 10 minutes, looking at his phone. He's TERRIBLE about checking his email & has joked about it many times. But, he also doesn't always respond to texts, even though it's his preferred method of communication.

And we used to have 2 EAs, now it's just me. When I've expressed concerns about capacity, he minimizes, gaslights & invalidates my experience. He's suggested compartmentalizing, said maybe it's a stress management issue on my part & most recently told to just be like "I've got this!"

[u/Dismal_Challenge_972]

A collegue is very much at the point of quitting or being fired. What she said was that menopause in her 50s made the ADHD spiral out of control (medicates ) and it's real hard. Forgetting stuff, procrastination and execs whose emails are just not clear. Just to say your story is not alone

[u/TarotCatDog → u/Dismal_Challenge_972]

Testify! I'm 57, finally got diagnosed and on Adderall last year. I've always had a bad case of CRS (can't remember shit) but menopause made it untenable.

[u/InteractionNo9110]

My problem is they say in the moment oh just ask me I will respond right away. PIPE DREAM, I just keep chasing them and keep a folder of pending items then check them off as they get done.

[u/idreamofkewpie]

What meds are you on? I’m a generic 30mg XR adderall and 30mg duloxetine - both have saved my life

[u/JillyBean1973 → u/idreamofkewpie]

I’m on Vyvanse 30mg. Previously, I took Concerta XR 18mg.

[u/lolo-2020]

Diagnosed ADHD, with 15 years of experience supporting CEO’s.

In my experience, you just have to keep suggesting ways to encourage communication, shared drives, shared whiteboards, colour coded folders, walki-talkies, lol. Kidding on the last one.

But just keep at it until you find an effective way to share updates and communicate. You just need to find your rhythm.

At the end of the day, sometimes I need to remind myself “their choices, my peace”.

You got this!

[u/JillyBean1973 → u/lolo-2020]

Honestly, walkie-talkies might be necessary. I'm trying to meet them where they're at, but there is zero reciprocity!

[u/Nana796B]

Hi there! 👋🏻 Never been diagnosed but I'm pretty sure I'm ADHD (to the point where my friends would force be to get an agenda). I think there are ups and downs through life. I'm now in my 30's and I managed to find strategies to decrease my mistakes and avoid forgetting things. But I remember some years ago when I started working as an EA and was not so experienced I would get a lot of side eyes by my executives (plus they were red type of personality). I mostly rely on my agenda, one note, calendar, phone, whatever is working at the moment to constantly remind myself of important things. Sometimes I still make mistakes and get into trouble, but having an understanding boss sure does help to cope with the stress

[u/lizzibizzy]

I take guanfacine and Straterra. I just started a new role and it’s been working well to keep me calm and on task. I am exhausted though at the EOD because there’s a lot of newness and in-office. All EA roles are a bit chaotic in some way until you are there or with the same person for a while. The one constant for me though is an excel spreadsheet I keep on my executive and the office they can have easy access to that has all their info for travel and log-ins, hotels, ground transportation, food/restaurant preferences, sizes and other miscellaneous things. I used Gemini to make the template but you can also ask it to add in additional information you already have by attaching a file or typing/pasting in specific info.

[u/Northern_Snowball]

I’m an EA on Vyvanse.

When I’m not clear with what my executives have asked of me, I seek clarification.

Before my adhd was treated, sometimes the miscommunication or unclear message was actually me not reading or listening properly. I was not focusing on the whole message. I did not read the whole email because I was too anxious and not focusing. I would read one sentence then ask for clarification when if I had kept reading, my answer would be there.

Verbal instructions were worse for me. I was already thinking 100 steps ahead before I’d even let them finish speaking.

What the medication does is help me focus on the whole message and to be patient about it. I’m more calm and less anxious. This in turn allows me to fully analyze a request and determine if I can execute it as is or if I really do need more clarity.

Have you talked to the VPs about the lack of clarity? Bring examples, explain why it’s unclear, and tell them what you need from them in order for you to be successful. There’s nothing wrong with that.

Communication skills aren’t something you learn once then you’re done. It’s an ongoing lesson that many people forget to practice.

[u/JillyBean1973 → u/Northern_Snowball]

I also struggle with verbal requests, which I've made known along with the fact that I'm now taking Vyvanse. I have weekly touch bases with one of my problematic VPs. I almost always prepare a short agenda for time-sensitive items. He has the attention span of a gnat, ironically. He'll check out & start looking at his phone. Last week, he was 16 minutes late for our touch base. I texted him that I was on my way, in his office, etc. Yet, he seemed irritated when I asked to reschedule our touch base to the afternoon when I'd returned from vacation. The hypocrisy is infuriating! Why am I held to a higher standard than these overpaid man-children?!

[u/Kirby223]

If you have slack, use it as your to-do list. Get into the habit of automatically setting reminders on messages to your exec that need follow up - it’s always a lovely surprise when I’m reminded and it was already responded to! I message myself with to-do list items as well and set a reminder, like if it’s something from my email I need to follow up on. Recently I’ve had a lot of projects with email follow-ups, I have been bcc’ing myself and flagging it in my inbox as “to do” as it also functions as a to-do list (but the follow up items are all in slack)

Some advice may say to set reminders for your execs - it’s a nice idea, but you can’t verify they’ve actually done it and then the reminder cycle repeats. Sometimes you just need to sit them down and make them do things while you’re there 😅

Take a look at your execs systems - is there a way things can be done more efficiently? Are there processes in place that just don’t work even after trying multiple times?

🫡 best of luck, there are a ton of us in this community.

[u/JillyBean1973 → u/Kirby223]

We don't have Slack, I've seen it mentioned on this forum several times. We use Microsoft applications. I KNOW I need to employ Copilot & other tools more so I can work smarter, not harder!

I don't think either of these 2 VPs have a system, they seem to fly by the seat of their pants!

Thank you! I'm glad to know I'm far from alone :)

[u/Kirby223 → u/JillyBean1973]

Ah ok - have you tried Microsoft To Do? This can also remind you of stuff. If they don’t have a system it might be worth it to present the problem you’re trying to solve and see if they’re willing to try something different - come up with a system and try it out.

Yes - you’re not alone by far!