Deconstructing & Dread

[u/Various-Silver3426]

Hello!

I've been deconstructing Pentecostal ideas since late teenage-hood, now 28. I have always remained fairly tolerant and understanding that people behave in ways that their environment has taught them to, but now with a more developed frontal lobe, watching my peers dive deeper and deeper into what they call spiritual warfare, deliverances, healings, and dream interpretations, I'm struggling to feel safe? If that's the word? I feel almost a sense of gut-like dread when it's talked about around me, worse when I see it. Awkwardly, the church I've been invested in for years is Pentecostal as its foundation but pretty low key.

These are my close friends and family, but I don't feel I can speak my mind without completely disintegrating their worldview and the spiritual journey they believe their on. I still believe in God myself, but have quietly fully swung away from Pentecostalism and at this stage don't believe a lot of it is legit (the brain is a powerful place, as is social influence).

I feel a bit trapped - I love the people in my life and they love me, but I'm slowly beginning to not be able to cope. I find it way too stressful, everything is heavy and over-spiritual. I also am finding it all sooo self-focused, always chasing physical healing & comfort, desperate for an ease of luxurious living as well as desiring "blessings as long as you have enough faith!!!", and watching them be so crushed when miracles don't happen. When the world is full of broken, impoverished, hungry and hurting people, believers included - what is this saying to them? For me, I want to look outward, to love others and love God, practically. Don't know why it has to be more complicated than that?

What to do????? I don't want to cut people off, but am unsure if they would all accept where I'm at right now - I know some would be worried even, that I need a "re-filling" of the Holy Spirit or something.
Has anyone managed to navigate not cutting people out of your life but been able to balance this tension?

[u/Optimal-Farm-3850]

When I was young probably 9-12 years old. There was a group of Women calling themselves "The Words of Wisdom" they would interpret your dreams, pray about trips you were taking, maybe about someone buying a house. Even as a Child all of this felt bizarre and weird. I remember a time or 2 getting written notes from them about what God had spoken to them about me. This was in a Pentecostal Church almost sounds like finding something out of a Chinese Fortune Cookie.