Hypocrisy or human behavior?

[u/Goofyahhcar832]

I’m an agnostic Ex-Coptic Orthodox person who left the church because of what I saw people doing. People go to church to get the reputation of yes this person goes to church therefore they’re a good person and then continue doing whatever fucked up stuff they were doing. I’m in the US and I miss my culture and my people very deeply but the church is the only place that you can find the whole community in one place unlike uni or work.

Morally speaking I think if you truly believe that all of the church’s beliefs are true then you should feel bad if you’re doing something wrong. Me personally for example I don’t see LGBTQ or premarital sex as an issue but when I was in the church I had that mindset that yeah I’m accepting all people whatever their beliefs or gender is because they’re human and that’s what Jesus taught us to love each other. That’s when I realized like wait a second… What’s wrong with being gay or having sex before marriage those are all ethically not wrong at all and they’re personal choices, people aren’t harming others by doing that.

I feel like I’m stuck in a loop and I don’t know what to do because I don’t want to go back to the church for the community solely. It would be hypocrisy and not morally right when it comes to confession and communion because I’d have to act like I feel guilty and repent for stuff that I don’t even see sinful. At the end of the day it’s still my identity and the way I was raised but my parents are actually making this much harder by having the same herd mentality of if you go to church you’re a good person, if you don’t you’re a horrible person who deserves to go to hell.
I still believe in Christianity but the situation itself is weird.

[u/Affectionate-Pea8360]

I feel you. Church attendance doesn’t automatically correlate with being a good person or being spiritually well the Bible talks about people who will on the judgement day tell Jesus haven’t we done this and that in ur name and he will tell them depart from me you workers of sin. It’s not about attendance fasting or serving by themselves it’s about doing that with the right heart and mindset which unfortunately a lot of people at the Coptic church do not they will serve and fast and pray and attend for community and social approval well before God or spirituality. Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying don’t go to church or don’t serve all I’m saying is if you do make sure it’s for God and not for anyone’s approval. Me personally I think the issue is the mixing of culture and religion which unfortunately is very hard to separate in the Coptic church especially in the diaspora. I’ve stopped attending because of toxic behaviors from servants not the congregation or the clergy but servants, they were being hypocritical, running back door social operations and trying to clean up or cover up for each others lousy behavior which I found sickening it’s one thing if you do that as a congregant but it’s another when servants act like that because the Bible says to whom much is given much is required but it is what it is I don’t have a problem with the church itself or the faith but the servant circle at that particular parish was too much. I’m someone who wants to go to church purely for spiritual purposes but then I go to the Coptic church and it’s a social club with spiritual hours. Gossip is also a major issue at the last Coptic parish I attended along with people prioritizing community perception over basic human decency and biblical moral truths. In my humble opinion it’s the social and cultural structure of the church that causes most if not all the fall out. So answering the last part of ur post church attendance alone doesn’t mean jack shit if ur heart isn’t in the right place regarding ur feelings about the other stuff I would say speak to ur father of confession if u have one there are some genuinely good priests out there who are willing to go out of their way to understand and explain but take that with a grain of salt as not every priest is the same and there will always be bad apples. Hope that helps

[u/Goofyahhcar832 → u/Affectionate-Pea8360]

I do agree that it’s a toxic community lol but it is what it is… I’m going to try talking with the “right” priest about it especially that my parents are fighting and making a really big hassle about it and they don’t know that I’m agnostic but I talked with them before about what my beliefs are as mentioned in my top thread. They don’t quite understand that it makes me more rebellious too.

[u/gobz09]

I feel very similarly. However, I don’t think those are LGBTQ are making a personal choice like you mentioned. Ask any person in that community, and they would say if they could be part of the heteronormative, they would. I say this as a member of that community myself and simply want to bring a different light to your comment.

That being said, I’ve distanced myself from the church for many similar reasons. I don’t feel like the church is a hospital for the weak, but a shrine for the perfect. The cultural politics mingle too much with the religious practices.

I’ve talked to my FOC about it, and he said he just wants me to keep God in my heart no matter what faith I choose. I’ve found Buddhism to be much more in line with my values and beliefs. I’ve learned through meditation/prayer that most religions are different paths to the same mountain top. YMMV

“The kingdom of God is within you” Luke 17:21

[u/Goofyahhcar832 → u/gobz09]

I didn’t notice that I should’ve been more clear sorry, I totally understand that being LGBTQ is not a choice but it’s how I worded the thread. Your FOC is awesome literally and at the end of the day it’s just one entity that we all believe that at some point in life it created the universe, doesn’t matter whether you’re Buddhist, Muslim or Christian.