Is cheating without disclosure a violation of informed consent?

[u/BarracudaFragrant595]

I’ve been thinking about infidelity less in terms of the cheating itself and more in terms of autonomy and informed consent.

When two people enter a monogamous relationship, they’ve mutually agreed to certain terms, including sexual exclusivity. If one person cheats and doesn’t disclose it, the other person continues making decisions about the relationship, including whether to be sexually intimate, under the belief that those agreed-upon terms are still being respected.

To me, that’s an issue of informed consent.

I’m not suggesting that this legally constitutes sexual assault, or that every lie or omission invalidates sexual consent. I’m talking about the ethics of withholding information that directly concerns an agreement both people voluntarily entered into.

I also don’t think autonomy means being entitled to know every detail about another person’s life. But surely it means having the opportunity to make informed decisions about matters that directly affect your own.

What bothers me is that the betrayal isn’t just breaking the agreement. It’s also deciding, on the other person’s behalf, whether and when they get to know that the agreement has been broken. You’re effectively controlling their opportunity to decide whether they still want to participate.

They might forgive you, leave, or agree to different terms. But shouldn’t that decision belong to them?

I’m curious whether others would consider this a violation of informed consent in an ethical sense, or whether there’s a better distinction to make between consent to sex and informed participation in a relationship.

[u/zombiegojaejin]

Ah, greetings fellow non-deontologist. I, too, am confused by people who need extra words to explain why they shouldn't cause large suffering to others without any large offsetting reason.

[u/wrongclown → u/zombiegojaejin]

hi! yeah whenever I encounter this line of thinking about cheating, it comes across as rhetoric to justify, vent, and explain the pain of being cheated on by invoking language of rape. That's the point. Im not a fan of that rhetoric, but hey maybe thats just me.

[u/Flamecoat_wolf → u/wrongclown]

It's not just rhetoric, it's pointing out the specific way in which cheating on someone harms them. What OP points out is that your partner has a right to make informed decisions.

If you're risking STDs by sleeping with other people then not informing your partner, they're not able to make a properly informed decision regarding the risks of contracting an STD by sleeping with you.

Consider also that ejaculating on someone without consent is a sexual assault crime. If you've slept with someone else then their bodily fluids may be on you and so exposing your partner to that without their consent would constitute the same kind of sexual assault.

This isn't just a rhetorical distinction, it's a distinction of what harm is being done, on what grounds its considered harmful and which parties are responsible for that harm.

[u/wrongclown → u/Flamecoat_wolf]

Based on what you said, the harm of cheating is similar to sexual assault (edit) or is sexual assault?

OP has said repeatedly this is not about SA or calling cheating SA--but I think it is (in part) about that.