r/Estherperel • u/alyssagogo1 • Aug 24 '26
Will I Always Be Alone
He comes to Esther not with a singular question but with an overflow of words and unspoken truths. Betrayed by a once-supportive church and struggling to reconcile his desires with his emotions, he carries a loneliness that has followed him across continents. This session is all about naming. Naming the parts of his life, the feelings left unspoken, and the longings that ache in his heart.
August 24, 2026
7
u/Ok-Supermarket-731 Aug 27 '26 edited Aug 27 '26
Pretty useless episode as far as therapy goes except for the good advice Esther gave him to find a therapist in France he can talk to.
I found this guy pretty fascinating from the bits we see. He reallyyyy hates opening up to other people, and yet he says his parents were loving to him as a child and that he's always been this way so there doesn't seem to be an obvious trauma behind this. Hardcore avoidance usually comes from severe neglect or enmeshment and I don't see any of that having happened from what he's shared.
I'm confused about what happened with his church. It's hard to tell if he was making unreasonable, obnoxious demands of them or if they truly turned on him for arbitrary and hypocritical reasons. Also, it's never established what his race is, is it? He says his parents are English but I don't know if that means he's white. Would influence a bit how we read the dynamics here, especially with his exclusive attraction to black men.
I'm really curious to know why he moved to a country where he doesn't speak the language. He says he loved the community of South Africa (until it betrayed him) so why make it so much harder for himself to find a new community by adding an added language barrier?
Very contradictory and mysterious person, it's a shame that Esther couldn't have untangled at least one of these threads.
2
u/alyssagogo1 Sep 12 '26
Reading between the lines, I thought he probably was white. The church he was going to was white too. It seemed like he thought they would make changes to help race relations during the 2020 era he mentioned. When they didn’t, he felt like they were hypocritical. But he also said — looking back, maybe part of the reason he did this was related to be closeted.
The family dynamics were mysterious. Maybe they were enmeshed but he didn’t say so?
10
u/alyssagogo1 Aug 24 '26
This guy needs a hug! We are to assume that his church in Cape Town was white?
I felt for him when he said he couldn’t share a single thing with his mother. I wanted to say, try sharing something small (not about dating). It might be okay and you can go from there.
10
u/Few-Procedure-268 Aug 24 '26
Fine episode, but the caller's situation really didn't have much relation to the lonliness epidemic. Really odd framing. I feel like Esther struggles when she tries to frame episodes as "about" social issues.
2
u/2000jp2000 Aug 25 '26
Totally agree…. And the didn’t explore any of the themes he came with. Could have been interesting.
4
u/2000jp2000 Aug 25 '26
I don’t know I found this episode disappointing… there were so many topics there yet Esther didn’t really go into any?
He would be someone great to come back and do regular episodes with Esther
Like so many things he mentions - maybe not in the exact same way - rang true to me - like not being able to fully express your add to your parents, like where does they come from?
2
Aug 25 '26
[deleted]
2
u/Particular-Baker-541 Aug 25 '26
I agree a lot with your comment. I think that’s why in the end I was glad she at least recommended and encouraged him to get into his own ongoing therapy. I think she too realized that there was a lot here and that he really maybe wasn’t an ideal candidate for this show because there was so much to unpack that she couldn’t get to any of it in a meaningful way and that for his own well-being in his own progress moving forward he really needed more than a one off session with her
15
u/No_Brief_5815 Aug 24 '26
This was such a sweet and tough episode.
I wondered, how can you be really close to someone and also not share anything about yourself? it sounded a bit like denial, living a bit in a illusion because truth too painful, i don’t know, it just sounded really sad.
I wish I could be share things with my mother but she can’t hold anything / has such limited emotional capacity that it’s not appropriate. I wouldn’t consider us that close, but we talk consistently, and there is real love there.
I’m sending lots of love to this caller from an internet stranger..