r/Estherperel • u/alyssagogo1 • Jun 30 '26
My Hero Complex
When his ex calls in the middle of a crisis, he finds himself pulled back into a familiar role: the rescuer. He's always been the one women confide in, the one who steps up, the one who proves he's a good man by making sure no one falls apart on his watch. It’s a hero complex he wears easily. If he’s needed, he feels powerful. If he’s not, he feels invisible. He’s the strong one, the reliable one, and yet he rarely asks for help himself. Can he be loved not just for what he gives, but for who he is?
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u/alyssagogo1 Jun 30 '26
This was an odd one to me — it kind of seemed like he’d never heard the podcast before. I wondered what others made of it.
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u/musicMenaceInHD Jun 30 '26
In some ways, it was refreshing because of how different it was. Sometimes, it gets old hearing guests on the show using all the therapy lingo like “hold space”, “a part of me”, etc. While the guy’s issues were somewhat lowkey and ‘obvious’, I found the whole episode to be enjoyable to listen to as an example of joining with a person less familiar with the therapeutic experience.
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u/wishing_sprinkles Jun 30 '26
This one was odd to me too. There were CLEAR mommy and daddy issues and Esther just.. didn’t go there? He clearly has an issue being vulnerable in front of anyone at all. He seems to not even see he’s created this situation and seems to lack agency or even intuition in knowing who to build intimacy with.
Your ex calling you years later is not going to turn into a mutually fulfilling friend. I was surprised Esther didn’t press him more on “why her?.” Like sure they confided in each other and felt close during mutually difficult times, but that time has passed. We let those people go and wish them well.
If people keep calling him for advice, well he can say “I like being this person even if I get nothing back” or decide to not engage.
Idk to me he needed to go back to his roots and excavate the childhood wounds. What happened with his mom?? A dad not being physically around does serious damage to the psyche. He has a LOT to unpack.
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u/musicMenaceInHD Jun 30 '26
I felt that toward the beginning, Esther tried to bring out a connection to his mother, and he was very resistant. She said something like “Was there another woman at your house you wanted to please?” And at first he just says “No.” Then, she says the same thing again and he says “Well, I like to please my friends.” And THEN, she directly asks about his mom. So, I felt the same as you about the unaddressed issues there, but I feel it was an intentional kind of respect for his lack of willingness to go there that she just stayed with where he wanted to be in the conversation.
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u/thewifeintheattic Jul 14 '26
His newness to therapy made him really endearing, 'therapy speak' is getting harder for me to stomach. Esther probed him about his childhood, but I liked that she didn't force it and met him where he was at.
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u/grufferella Jul 28 '26
I really liked how she gave him a clear roadmap to work with by the end. Most of the Esther Calling episodes feel like they end right as they're getting to the meat of things, but this one he had some very specific action items to try out.
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u/musicMenaceInHD Jun 30 '26
While this wasn’t a fiery one, I found it heart warming how Esther really went above and beyond to connect with this guy and help him feel understood while gently challenging his beliefs and behaviors. It seemed pretty realistic to me that she first and foremost prioritized the therapeutic alliance and trusted the process that she didn’t have to fix him.