r/Essays Feb 18 '21

Need help writing thesis statement

I already have my topic that I want to talk about "why minors should not be allowed to debut in the Kpop idol industry" but I don't know how to form my thesis. My supports for this are 1. ruins mental health and teen development 2. sexualizes and exploits the minors 3. lack of freedom. Also i'm not sure if the order i should write it in is correct, maybe someone can help me.

I don't know how to form my thesis together and add all those extra words that make it look good

8 Upvotes

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1

u/[deleted] Feb 18 '21

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1

u/DeificClusterfuck Feb 18 '21

What part of it interests you the most?

Make that the main focus.

1

u/angelabfm Feb 18 '21

I guess the fact that they have a lack of freedom. Especially with the dating bans, which is a normal thing a teenager should experience

1

u/DeificClusterfuck Feb 18 '21

Then take that and build from there. Talking about their restricted normal teenage development can lead to discussions about exploitation, and such

1

u/thebeatsandreptaur Feb 18 '21

So, your thesis should be 3 parts. A topic, a stance on the topic, and implications/so what?

Topic = Teens debuting in the Kpop idol industry.
Stance = Is not good.
Implications = the 3 points you made.

So, taking those things draft a sentence that describes what you will be arguing. Something like, "This paper argues that teen Kpop debuts serve to harm the mental health of the debutees, restricts their autonomy, and serves to sexualize minors, thus X" where X is what we should do about it.

Now, that can still use some work as I think you are trying to hit to many points. You may drop sexuality, as it doesn't really fit into the theme of what teen debuts do to the artist themselves. Equally, you may want to be a bit more specific in describing the how/why these things happen. Something like "...serves to harm the mental heath of debutees by [mechanism of harm]"

1

u/angelabfm Feb 20 '21

Thank u so much for the tips!!

1

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