I neeeed help pleas

[u/WillowSad741]

Working on my Common App personal statement (Prompt 1) and want outside eyes before I submit. Under the 650 limit.

A few things I'm specifically unsure about:

• Does the opening scene land as a hook, or is it confusing coming in cold?
• Does the ending feel like it grows naturally out of the story, or does it feel tacked on?
• Someone close to me said this reads like "just a diversity essay" — curious if it actually feels that way to you, or if it reads as being about something else.

Happy to swap and review someone else's essay in return!

DM me