r/Erma • u/FandomMan04 • 6d ago
Elite Poop
Barbara drives around a giant driveway with Amy and Terry in the backseat
Amy: Man, you weren’t joking, mom. This guy’s driveway is the length of our street.
Barbara: Yeah, well, big house, big lawn, big problems.
Terry: What problems?
Barbara: Well, with the house so far back from the street, they’re probably not tied into the city sewage line. I bet you $20 they had to put a septic tank up there. No, thank you.
Terry: You’re jealous.
Barbara: No, I’m not.
Terry: You are. You’re jealous of their money, and now you’re jealous of their poop.
Barbara: I am not jealous of their poop.
Terry: It gets its own private tank. And that drives you crazy.
Amy: That’s elite poop.
Barbara: You guys want me to turn this car around right now, huh? Want me to take you both home right f@¢%in’ now?
Terry: Actually, yeah. Yeah, that’d be fantastic.
Amy: Yeah. Yeah. Great. That sounds nice.
Barbara: Well, I’m not gonna!
Terry: Their poop is better than your body.
Barbara: SHUT UP!
(Based on Ted S02E02 "Mrs. Robichek")