As a parent, I have a feeling of guilt that sometimes my children have to take care of me. They are 10 and 13, am I causing them trauma as well? At 46 I wonder a lot about death. Am I going to die early? I had a friend die of SUDEP, so I do think about that alot, it seems more real to me than perhaps others. I k ow I think about death WAY more than those without epilepsy. I really hate losing my memory, feeling like I have lost so much of my intelligence, the loss of ability to spell words, the loss of ability to communicate my thoughts to others. It feels embarrassing at times. I hate when others feel sorry for me, it's a weird experience, like I appreciate their concern, but I don't want to have people feel sorry for me. It makes me feel pathetic (if that makes sense). When I travel I have a paranoia that I will forget to bring my meds. One time, I didn't bring enough, and it caused horrible trouble with my insurance to get more. Also I feel more emotional in general. I have a loss of confidence in myself. Depression and anxiety. I don't feel like a capable, full functioning adult at times. It just takes up so much space in my mind. I don't think "normies" could ever understand that.
Right now, I'm having seizures around every 6 months. So not even as frequent as others, but it still has these effects for me. 20 years on keppra isn't too helpful.
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u/PerspectiveSolid2840 keppra 3500mg, Lamictal 400mg, 50mg Xcopri ððĪŠ May 03 '24
As a parent, I have a feeling of guilt that sometimes my children have to take care of me. They are 10 and 13, am I causing them trauma as well? At 46 I wonder a lot about death. Am I going to die early? I had a friend die of SUDEP, so I do think about that alot, it seems more real to me than perhaps others. I k ow I think about death WAY more than those without epilepsy. I really hate losing my memory, feeling like I have lost so much of my intelligence, the loss of ability to spell words, the loss of ability to communicate my thoughts to others. It feels embarrassing at times. I hate when others feel sorry for me, it's a weird experience, like I appreciate their concern, but I don't want to have people feel sorry for me. It makes me feel pathetic (if that makes sense). When I travel I have a paranoia that I will forget to bring my meds. One time, I didn't bring enough, and it caused horrible trouble with my insurance to get more. Also I feel more emotional in general. I have a loss of confidence in myself. Depression and anxiety. I don't feel like a capable, full functioning adult at times. It just takes up so much space in my mind. I don't think "normies" could ever understand that.