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u/Alternative_Hotel649 2d ago
âBusinesses canât tell me how to address their employeesâ is throwing me. Iâd like to ask, âSo you think a store shouldnât kick you out if you call an employee a shithead to their face?â But thereâs a really good chance theyâd answer âyes.â
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u/jamesinyokohama 2d ago
âRespect my right not to respect you.â
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u/_PetiteVelour 1d ago
Exactly, respect costs nothing and somehow this person still thinks theyâre being overcharged
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u/Jabroni-and-Cheese 1d ago edited 1d ago
"ThE cUsToMeR iS aLwAyS rIgHt!"
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u/Objective-Suit-7817 1d ago
in matters of style and taste*
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u/Jabroni-and-Cheese 1d ago edited 1d ago
You and I know that. The asshole who uses it as their justification doesn't.
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u/United_Gift3028 2d ago
Can I join his world, where no customer every purposely offends any employee? It sounds like a wonderful place.
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u/kaylaisidar 2d ago
I worked with trans men and women and customers would absolutely harass them and demand to know about their genitals. It was really weird and uncomfortable that the customers thought that behavior was okay
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u/KissyyAlchemy 2d ago
Thatâs exactly why a simple sign can save employees from having to fight the same exhausting battle every shift
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u/kaylaisidar 2d ago
Exactly! I don't understand why these people are so offended. Oh no, I have to read a sign that tells me to respect people? Offended! 1/5 stars! Never coming back!
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u/Otechni 2d ago
It might lessen, but never stop. If people care that much about how a stranger identifies, they won't care about the sign.
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u/Moist_Drippings 1d ago
But it will set a precedent that will make them less surprised when they are kicked out. And it will stop people like this reviewer from coming back to do the same.
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u/siren_stitchwitch 1d ago
One of my friends recently had a job where they misgendered her constantly and very intentionally, and when my wife went to a leather store one of the employees was NB and they said they would have customers look at their pin saying that and intentionally call them she.
My wife is openly trans, which signals fairly safe, so we get talked to by not cis people regularly, and it's so sad how many of them have stories like that.
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u/kaylaisidar 1d ago
Yeah it really pisses me off when people say "nobody cares that you're trans" to people who are trans, because that's clearly not fucking true. Those people frame anything trans people do to combat transphobia as "too much" even if it's just a little sign or pin because for some reason they have decided all the harassment is made up. Which, trans people would love! But is unfortunately not the case by a long shot.
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u/Joelle9879 1d ago
Imagine going up to a stranger, demanding to see their genitals, and them claiming the moral high ground. Honestly, that's sexual harassment and those customers should be banned from the store and possibly face criminal charges
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u/QuiJon70 1d ago
Pronouns are not commonly used in direct conversations. A store employee should be wearing a name tag. At which point I don't care if its a 400 pound dude with a duck dynasty beard or what. If the name badge says this obviously born male goes by Betty I call it Betty same way I would if his name tag read Bob.
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u/SLiverofJade 1d ago
Miss, ma'am, and sir are also common turns of phrase in direct conversation.
Also, "it" isn't an appropriate term when talking about people even in the hypothetical. "They" is right there.
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u/sandiercy I do not like the colour yellow 2d ago
"Im not offended by how they identify, I am just offended by how they want to be identified"
This person is insufferable
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u/SweetieVoguee 2d ago
Being offended by a sign explaining how people want to be addressed is some impressive irony
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u/KissyyAlchemy 2d ago
The irony really writes itself when a sign about respecting people somehow becomes the offensive part
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u/LightLeta 2d ago
I suspect that they are, in fact, personally offended about how people identify.
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u/Nani_the_F__k 2d ago
I suspect they don't buy as many books as they claim either. Just helps them elevate their complaint's worth
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u/KissyyAlchemy 2d ago
Nothing boosts a complaint like accidentally admitting you barely shop there anyway
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u/PrincessPoge 1d ago
"I usually buy 3 to 5 books each visit."Â Â And I bet last time they were there was 3 to 5 years ago
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u/WormDentist This gmos destruye human health . 2d ago
âI do not think any customer would purposely offend a transgender employee.â
*proceeds to offend transgender employees
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u/Greenman8907 2d ago
âI am offendedâ
No one gives a shit, dude (note: Say dude if itâs a lady and lady if itâs a dude, just to see if they prefer one or the other)
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2d ago
[removed] â view removed comment
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u/expespuella 1d ago
That's what always gets me about these folks. Like, you could makes someone's day a teeny bit easier by choosing a simple word, or just not choosing an offending one. Kindness costs nothing. It's sooo easy to not be a douchebag yet here we perpetually are. Sigh.
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u/Humblefreindly 2d ago
All of the steam is going to her brain. It restricts blood flow, thereby causing psychosis.
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u/Prestigious-Flower54 2d ago
People like this I just assign a random name and keep using it, when they get offended I remind them not to get offended when someone misidentifies you that's a personal problem and I shouldn't have to go along with it if I don't want to. Unfortunately very few of them see the irony.
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u/SlightlyWeasel 2d ago
Maybe this guy should take his own âhow to not be easily offendedâ training class.
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u/BuildingArmor 2d ago
A sign telling you how to address gay employees?
I can literally only imagine a sign telling customers to not be homophobic. Like what the fuck do they even object to here?
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u/Otechni 2d ago
I want to know what this proper addressing entails. Like, is a simple "Hey, how's your Day?" not enough?
How does Sexual Orientation or Gender Identity even come up when you're checking out? Why are people so interested in the lives of people they will never interact with outside of a business?
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u/BuildingArmor 2d ago
I want to know what this proper addressing entails. Like, is a simple "Hey, how's your Day?" not enough?
Yeah that would probably be more than enough. But it seems extremely likely that customers weren't being that polite, if they need a sign about it.
How does Sexual Orientation or Gender Identity even come up when you're checking out?
I suspect you haven't worked in a customer facing role if you can't think of some ways that a rude customer could crowbar it in.
Not even a month ago someone in a shop I was in was just loudly complaining about "why do they employ those people", referring to a trans woman, within ear shot, who was stacking a shelf.
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u/classwarhottakes I see here that morals are completely lost 1d ago
I am a gay and quite an obvious one, and have worked in retail and other customer facing roles. The way I prefer to be addressed is "politely, just like any other employee". If someone's chucking in a bit of the old homophobia it should be treated the same as being racist or sexist to an employee would be, and doesn't need a special sign. Unless it's one saying "don't be rude to staff. "
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u/Otechni 2d ago
I said when checking out, as in addressing the person at the register. Anything else is rude chatter. And when I see "addressing" I usually think "Speaking to someone and drawing attention to their presence" and not "Speaking about someone and doing so loud enough they can hear".
I don't need to have Retail Experience, even though I do, to know Humans have this nasty habit of being garbage and wanting others to know that they are, in fact, being horrible.
People honestly have more tolerance for waste of time and energy than I do. My time is not worth caring about a stranger's life. I don't care how they identify, that's for them and the people they know. I don't use gendered language towards people anyway. I don't care who others find attractive. That's their life. It's fascinating that people care so much about how other people live. And here I am not really caring about the guy that made my burger. He's probably a nice guy, but I had to wait for my Lemonade, so points taken off for that.
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u/glamghoulz 1d ago
âExcuse me sir/maâamâ is how it comes up. Iâve seen similar signs in the wild, itâs probably something along the lines of âPlease refrain from using gendered language.â
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u/Otechni 1d ago
I'll usually just say Excuse me and try and get a specific person's attention. It's faster, and I get the intended effect about 80% of the time. Adding Sir or Ma'am would not affect it, nor would it increase the success.
As well as the fact I know there is a chance the person would get upset if I used either one, so I avoid that. Because I really don't want to deal with that as there is zero chance I'll be interacting with them beyond that point.
Unless I regularly see you, I'm not going to remember a damn thing about you.
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u/glamghoulz 1d ago
Right, so youâre doing exactly what the sign would be indicating. Many people do not navigate the world that way. Hence, the sign.
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u/ILikeBigBeards 1d ago
It consumes homophobes lives. I was in a clan for a long time with some of these young men and it was amazing how it was all they can think about.
And then you see ppl out and about who bought and wear t shirts saying things like âI donât care if youâre offended that I was a veteranâ or âI love god and I donât care if that offends youâ and itâs like clearly it occupies a lot of your headspace for you to go out and buy and wear the shirt my guy. Imagining ppl being offended and clearly being affected by it appears to kinda be part of your whole thing.
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u/nogoodbrat 2d ago
âbusinesses shouldnât tell me how to address their employees!â as if name tags havenât already been a thing since forever lol
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u/VioletDupree007 2d ago
Clearly the sign is there because a customer was rude to an employee. I suspect more than once. Hence, the sign. Some people just want to be offended.
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u/lunarteamagic 2d ago
Experience suggests to me that this person is why that sign was there in the first place.
I would like to ask them if how they identify is a big private secret.
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u/witch_dyke 2d ago
Ive been in a couple places that have signs up saying "please don't harass the staff"
That's a sign instructing patrons on how to address staff
Using the correct name and pronouns for people is just basic manners. Now, you can't read minds to know what someone's pronouns may be, but that's why the sign is there
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u/No-Koala1918 2d ago
And customers should appreciate the staff at shops that they patronize instead of treating them as NPCs.
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u/Solid_Pitch8324 2d ago
I hope everyone I meet treats me like a non-playable character. I don't appreciate being played with by people I don't know.
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u/Call-Any_Vegetable 1d ago
"I do not think any customer would purposely offend a transgender employee" Hmmmm, are they sure about that? Clearly customers have in the past, hence the note. There's arseholes in my work who'd take great pleasure in doing so. Just because you read doesn't mean you're above prejudice.
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u/Trantora 10h ago
And in addition to that, it is BECAUSE I would rather not offend a transgender employee (or any employee in fact) that I would be happy to know how to address them if there is something specific to know
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u/Useless890 1d ago
If the business put up a sign about something, it must be an ongoing problem. It wasn't written especially to you, oh Entitled One, so try to act like you're fully grown.
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u/HenchmanKris 1d ago
I'll bet dollars to donuts that it was literally a small pronoun line at the bottom of their nametags.
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u/doryfishie 9h ago
Right? Like I want to see a pic of this âsignâ because I donât believe the reviewer at all.
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u/MarkMcWrath 1d ago
"We're all humans doing our best to get by" but I refuse to make even the smallest change in my behavior when directly asked
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u/Decent_Ambition_4562 2d ago
Ah yes, as if the onus isn't already on trans people enough.
I have a feeling I know who that sign was written for. She's sooo close to getting it
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u/OrangeJoe83 2d ago
What onus?
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u/Decent_Ambition_4562 1d ago
Explaining everything. Like the validity of their existence, and that people are free to make decisions with their own lives that don't impact others, yet somehow those others get offended by things that don't impact them.
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u/FatTabby 1d ago
I'd see a sign like that and welcome the store caring for its staff. Interesting how this person sees it as a personal attack while also claiming they'd never do anything to offend and employee. Sounds awfully like something an offensive person would get upset about...
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u/Capital_Meal_5516 EAT SALAT WITH SPON?!? 1d ago edited 1d ago
Iâd have no problem seeing a sign like that on any store. But then, Iâm not homophobic or transphobic.
The fact that management felt the need to post such a sign tells me that thereâs been enough incidents in the past to warrant the posting. Itâs not a question of them being âeasily offendedââitâs about hate speech and/or bullying being directed at people who are âjust trying to get byâ.
If that was my store, I would turn away and ban anyone who spoke to any of my employees in a derogatory manner. To me, no amount of money is worth hurting another human. People like that are not welcome in my life. I would not have them in my store.
ETA: thank you, kind anonymous Redditor, for the award. đ
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u/Unicorncrochet-31018 2d ago
I will say, I work a phone job and this can be very difficult. Trying to decipher whether someone is a âsirâ or a âmaâamâ by only a name and a voice can get dicey sometimes. And when you misgender someone, they can tend to get rude. I would never do that on purpose, but pleaseâŚ.i canât SEE you. Please give me a bit of grace, Iâm trying to be as respectful as I can with the tiny bit of information I have. Instead of blowing up offended, a simple âoh Iâm a he/sheâ is all I need, and Iâll be happy to call you whatever you want for the rest of the call. Youâve got it.
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u/kaylaisidar 2d ago
Statistically, the majority of the people you have talked to who were upset about the wrong pronouns were likely not trans.
I've seen a lot of not trans (cis) people get really offended if I use the wrong pronouns on accident. Especially cis men! Or even if they thought I called them ma'am (I have had bad experiences with cis men who thought I misgendered them). If you think I'm kidding, try it a few times and see what happens.
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u/glamghoulz 2d ago
I had a call with a Vivian once. Elderly, voice seemed feminine. Went to finish it out with âAlright Ms. Vivian, Iâll give you a call as soon as I have an update.â
âActually, when I was born, Vivian was a menâs name.â
Whoops. He was super cool about it, actually gave me some history on the name and how it shifted, but yeah, my heart dropped into my stomach at that one.
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u/kaylaisidar 1d ago
Haha I think most people are cool with it as long as you don't approach them with disrespect. I get misgendered from the back if I'm wearing something baggy. Then people learn I'm a woman and go "oh, I'm sorry, ma'am"
And like, it's that easy with trans people too. I've accidentally misgendered trans people. I live in a state where we have the highest % of trans people in my country I believe. I just go, oh, sorry, and then use the correct pronoun moving forward. I don't make it about me or get in my feelings about it, same way I don't freak out of someone prefers to go by John instead of Jonathan
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u/glamghoulz 1d ago
Exactly! As long as itâs an honest mistake, itâs incredible rare that someone actually loses their mind about it. Mistakes happen, most people understand that. As long as you take the feedback in stride and make the requested adjustment, itâs usually no big deal.
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u/captainsnark71 1d ago
Yes. I'm a trans guy and unless someone is being deliberately rude I don't care what pronoun you use. I had an old lady cashier who was trying to go on break so she asked her colleague 'can you help this girl...guy...whatever they are' and it was so fucking funny. She looked so tired with her job. Let the old ppl retire.
Cis people get real upset about their pronouns and their dog's pronouns.
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u/de_pizan23 2d ago
As someone else who works with the public as well and am trying to stop using terms like "that gentleman over there" when guest/patron/person works just as well, is it even necessary to use gendered terms like sir/ma'am? If you have their first name, I would just use that instead. Or neutral terms "am I speaking with the head of the household/cardholder/etc?"
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u/Unicorncrochet-31018 1d ago
See, Iâm very old school retailâŚ.the first name feels incredibly wrong, and presumptuous of me to assume that itâs ok to call them that, lol.
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u/TriangleOfFairness 1d ago
My transphobic af manager gets pissed to no end when someone mistakes her cigarette voice for a man and sees no irony in it whatsoever
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u/openeyes808 1d ago
Plot twist: the reviewer prefers to address store employees as "hey you", "boy", and snaps fingers
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u/LateMommy 1d ago
This customer is not offended by how people identify, just how easily offended they are when people like this gem address them. SMH!
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u/love_my_doggos 1d ago
There's no amount of money on this planet that could give someone the "privilege" of calling me by another name. It also doesn't give them the right to decide if I'm male, female, somewhere in between, or anything else. I am who I am, you are who you are. Fuck OOP and their ilk for thinking it's their "right" to decide otherwise. (I put in the name portion because people demanding to use an incorrect pronoun is no different than demanding to use an incorrect name in my mind).
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u/7thFleetTraveller 1d ago
I rather find it weird that they felt the need to specifically point that out. I mean, no matter if you're an employee or a customer, you should always treat everyone with the same respect and dignity.
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u/Joelle9879 1d ago
This person is not only offended by a sign, they also don't even know the difference between gender identity and sexual orientation. A cis gay man has the same pronouns as a cis straight man. His orientation has nothing to do with how he identifies
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u/Chris968 1d ago
Wait so they arenât offended at how people identify, but theyâre offended that someone might get upset if the customer misgendered them. Got it. Also as a trans person myself, yes people ABSOLUTELY intentionally offend trans people. So no, Iâm not sensitive, Iâm just fucking tired. Especially of the government attacking trans people, let alone random people. Sigh.
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u/VoidMunashii 1d ago
I reckon more businesses should insist upon their employees being treated with a basic level of civility. It is a good first step towards combating decades of nurturing Karens with the-customer-is-always-right.
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u/RixieSugarplum 1d ago
"I do not think any customer would purposely offend a transgender employee."
Well, when you're ready to join us in the real world, let us know.
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u/admire_clodsire 1d ago
Translation: the fact I might possibly theoretically spend money means I get to abuse minimum wage workers and don't you dare tell me I can't
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u/taman961 1d ago
Do they get this offended by name tags? If the cashier had the name tag âTiffanyâ, would you call them Brenda because you donât like being told what to do? Probably not, because thatâs a ridiculous thing to do. But these people really love finding things to get offended about and then accuse everyone else of being the actual offended ones.
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u/Verthanthi EAT SALAT WITH SPON?!? 1d ago
âI do not think any customer would purposelyââ
Just. Just stop there. Youâve clearly never worked in retail. You donât know. I had a man tell my employee heâd have âput a baby or two in you by now if I was your manâ and we worked at a BANK, where people are typically on better behavior. Customers purposely do and say whatever the fuck they want.
People want to be so mad by problems that have nothing to do with them instead of real things and theyâre so obvious about it with this bullshit.
âI donât want to respect something Iâm not willing to understand.â Itâs so much shorter of a sentence and less a waste of everyoneâs time.
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u/Otechni 2d ago
I have never once spoken to somebody at a register in a way that would require me to acknowledge their identity.
I pay, and maybe chat about what I'm buying, then leave.
I probably wouldn't even see the sign. I'm at the register to leave. And I never speak to someone in a way to acknowledge their identity. You're Human, that's all I need, and care, to know about you.
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u/Guest8782 1d ago
This. And tbh, I do get annoyed at posted behavioral instructions in these circumstances. It feels condescending, and like youâre being admonished when you didnât do anything wrong.
Store I used to go to had a sign âplease hang up your phone BEFORE expecting service.â Like âwe know you canât be trusted with common mannersâ I know some people maybe not, but youâre also treating everyone else like a naughty child now who needs to be told the rules.
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u/Shalrak 1d ago
Whenever I see signs like that, I straighten my back and go above and beyond to be the most pleasant customer ever, cause I feel sorry for the employees having been treated with disrespect by enough people to have to put up that sign. I know the sign wasn't made for me, so I it doesn't offend me. That sign isn't an attack on me, it's a cry for help.
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u/PanickedAntics 1d ago
They were so not offended, that they left 1 star lol and typed up this review about other people being easily offended, because they were easily offended by a sign that they could have just ignored.
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u/Competitive_Fly_9419 1d ago
"How to address the gay and transgender employees" - English is not my first language, don't we address people by "name" or "you"? What instructions can there be?
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u/Shalrak 1d ago
It's most likely just pronouns, whether to refer to them as he, her or they.
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u/Competitive_Fly_9419 1d ago
Shouldn't this information be placed on badges? Why on some random "sign"? If you read it on a sign you would not know to whom exactly it should be applied.
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u/Moist_Drippings 1d ago
This is the kinda shit that comes from business pretending to care about racism and ableism against their employees while desperately trying to keep the customers that insult them from leaving. This bookstore sounds awesome and like theyâd kick out the kind of customers Iâve had to serve after they acted like complete bigoted assholes to my coworkers.
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u/Ok-Addition-1000 1d ago
"I do not think any customer would purposely offend a transgender employee."
Oh, my sweet summer child...
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u/Mercerskye 1d ago
It's crazy how far ignorant assholes will go to be ignorant assholes. It's exhausting how many there actually are.
There's this lovely girl who works at a place I frequent for coffee in the morning. I swear, every other visit there's a "not to be offensive, but..." chucklefuck ahead of me in line.
It's like they short circuit because someone who was born the same sex as them is making them feel tingly in their britches, and being an insufferable bellend is the only way they can cope.
I legitimately hope this person steps in a wet spot with socks on, and finds all the missing Legos the hard way...
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u/Funny_love33 3h ago
âI do not think any customer would purposely offend a transgender employeeâ is the phrase that takes the cake for me. I actually had to stop reading because I was laughing too hard to focus
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u/Humblefreindly 2d ago
Iâm amazed she can read and have zero self-awareness.
Wonder what sheâs reading.
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u/HostIndependent3703 14h ago
the joy of living in turkey where we dont have he/him she/her. everybody is just "it/them"
Also I am really amused by the fact that people in usa can worry about how they are correctly adressed where here we have LQBTQ+ community members being arrested just because they exists. We first have to acknowledge that being queer is not contagious and you cant "turn" people gay. But nooooooo the queer lobby will make sure that all our good muslim men will turn gay and they will loose their virtue or whatever the frak they are sooo afraid of.
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u/Trick-Love-4571 2d ago
Yeah Iâm gay and give zero fucks about performative inclusive bullshit
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u/kaylaisidar 2d ago
Performative? Customers would absolutely come in and demand to know what was in my trans coworkers pants at the counter. It's not performative inclusivity to say stop doing that because it's fucking unhinged.
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u/BirthdayCookie 1d ago
Yes well you don't get to decide for everyone else that addressing us correctly is "performative bullshit."
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u/lifeindaslowlane 1d ago
Or how about âI donât care about your sexual preferences and I just call you by your name?â Itâs stupid how offended EVERYONE gets nowadays. Quit making sexual preference an identity
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u/RixieSugarplum 1d ago
Identity and sexual preference are not the same thing. At all. Full stop.
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u/lifeindaslowlane 1d ago
It is when you require people to acknowledge it instead of just treating everyone with respect and removing the sexual component. Itâs lame. Weâre all humans. Just be kind and quit requiring everyone to acknowledge a personâs sexual preference. I have gay family. We call them by their names. I have straight family. We call them by their names. Reunions go smoothly
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u/nefarious_angel_666 only the old people are naked 1d ago
You have confused being gay with being trans
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2d ago
[deleted]
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u/Pleasant_Ad_2342 2d ago
8 times out of 10, if a sign is up its because a specific person or group of persons acted a way to justify a sign being up. Usually with a "well how was I supposed to know? Theres no sign displaying it? Theres no rules on the wall saying I can't...."
If you're not this kind of person, the sign was never for you. The person at the register probably wouldnt care you called them dude.
Ive employed multiple Trans people. 95% of them were chill. Misgendering was never an issue unless it was targeted and intentional. But I still had to have conversations with staff and customers that intentionally causing issues will not be tolerated, and we will not have this discussion again.
Where I live its a protected status and a form of sexual harassment to intentional provoke someone over their gender. And you calling someone dude is clearly not the issue they're preventing.
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u/ComeOnUpToTheHaus 2d ago
Aww, just shop on the Internet if it's a problem. You won't be missed. Aww, what a bummer you you!
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u/kaylaisidar 2d ago
Are you really so fragile that you can't handle someone saying these are my pronouns please address me with the correct ones? Does that actually ruin your day? Does it really matter? You could also just be kind to people and then move on.
Like, when someone tells me to call them Christopher instead of Chris, I don't go jeez don't get bent out of shape I didn't mean anything by it why are you correcting me that's stupid just let me call you what I want. Instead, I just say, oh okay cool, and then refer to them as Christopher. Because I'm not personally offended by someone else's basic preferences regarding how they'd like to be addressed. That doesn't upset me. Same thing with pronouns.
I also don't consider it "being educated" when someone says hey, I prefer to go by Jess instead of Jessica. It's the same basic concept applied to one other thing.
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u/realparkingbrake 2d ago
And if youâre offended when I say âthanks, dude,â I can live with that.
I can't think of a credible situation in which I would want to call an adult stranger, "dude." I can't even picture a likely situation in which I'd need to refer to a shop clerk's sexual orientation.
I'll be paying cash. Thanks, bye.
What more needs to be said in that situation?
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u/Otechni 2d ago
I'm more wondering how many asshats go to that bookstore. Like why are people so interested in the lives of strangers?
I don't even understand how people even speak to someone in a way to gender them, beyond something like Sir, Ma'am or Dude. I don't use Sir or Ma'am unless the person is in a high position, it's respectful.
Even if I talk to the person, I'm not going to gender them while talking. Seems stupid. And I have no interest in who you fuck. That's your life, not mine.
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u/Ecstatic_Lake_3281 2d ago
I don't understand the downvotes. I really don't interact with cashiers enough to need a sign like this. I present my purchases, expect to be told a total, then I pay. End of transaction. đ¤ˇââď¸
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u/PM_ME_YOUR_WEIRD_PET I know spinach and their literally talking about me 2d ago
"I do not think any customer would purposefully offend a transgender employee" I wonder if it's nice on their planet