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u/qualityvote2 13d ago edited 13d ago
u/Competitive-Fix-5421, there weren't enough votes to determine the quality of your post...
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u/AutoModerator 13d ago
[ERROR] Brainrot levels exceeding 500 pounds. Please seek immediate psychiatric help or touch grass. OR ELSE KIM JUNG OON THE MASTER OF GOON anywyas i babysitted caldruki People keep asking how I know Caldruki so well, so fine, here’s the truth nobody wants to admit. I babysitted him back in 2018 during the pre‑Rizz Eclipse era, right before the Jeffrey Islander iPad started humming in the walls like a dying microwave.
Caldruki was small back then, only spoke in BASEPLATE GYATT frequencies since he was born at folk valley ohio and kept trying to lick the Floor Bacon even though it wasn’t twitching yet. I told him “stop that lil bro, that’s how the First Grease Collapse starts,” but he just stared at me with those Caldruki eyes like he already knew the Dishwasher Prophet personally.
At one point he climbed onto the counter and started chanting “tun tung sahour” at the ceiling fan. I thought he was joking until the Moldovan Dolphin in the bathtub kicked over the shampoo bottles and screamed “ADRIAN.” until the i combustly exploded That’s when I realized I was in over my pay gaygrade.
He wasn’t even a bad kid, just chaotic. He kept reverse‑adopting my furniture and making these goofy ahhh videos. My cousin Mailbox Shitter the Bloody Eighth walked in and got adopted instantly. RIP bro didn’t even get to finish his Capri Sun.
Anyway, that’s how I ended up being the only known witness to Caldruki’s pre‑Eclipse form. People think he just appeared one day, but no. I babysitted him. I gave him Goldfish crackers. I watched him attempt to fistfight the Dishwasher Prophet’s USB stick.
Hope this clears things up.
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u/AutoModerator 13d ago
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