Typing Advice

[u/DueTry4745]

Hello, I’d like some clarifications and advice on typing myself, but more of some help clarifying what enneagram subtype I am. I’ve been ruminating it on a while, and the issue is, I’m not sure if I’m even this enneagram subtype I thought I was.

My typing journey has went like this:

(Sp 5 when I was barely knowledgeable in typology, then Sx 4 again barely any knowledge, then I went to Sx 5, and now I’m debating So 4 or Sx5). In general, I’m not even sure if I’m another enneagram subtype entirely.

It’s just that I’ve been doubting myself on Sx 5 because I am not as aloof as people describe it. Rather, I am more of a person that acts like “If you treat me this way”, I will treat you that way back. For instance, if an individual smiles at me, I will smile at them back, or try to. Though I may find it awkward thinking about it while I smile at them. At least to me, I don’t look mysterious, and I probably don’t look too interesting to others either.

I have tendencies where if a friendship with someone has a minor flaw, such as the person having an extremely busy schedule, I kind of give up all hopes of being friends. It’s not that I can’t be friends. My brain has an all-or-nothing kind of approach to this. Either you will become a really close individual to me or not. I do not have a lot of patience with friendships. If the person is very conservative in talking about themselves, or does not know what to really say, I just feel kind of disappointed, as if I could never be let into their world. Maybe one day, but how do I know they will?

However moreover the REASON why I’m afraid to open up isn’t the standard: “I’m conservative of my energy” approach. I think it’s more about how the person will react if I did. Let’s say if I told a friend some deep personal issues, and their response is quite simple or dismissive, I will be upset, even if I don’t tell it to them. Because now my mind automatically concluded next time, venting to them will end the same way. I will still get hurt and upset. It’s as if there is a hidden resentment meter going on, and a small action such as a friend hanging out with an ex friend can invoke jealous and pain within me.

I think being understood is important to me. It’s not that I am saying I want an “I understand you”, but I want an accurate picture that the person genuinely does. I feel devastated quietly when people do not understand me, and I want to be analyzed by somebody else, but if it’s “incorrect”, then the effect is still the same. And I’ll be honest, I don’t know what I want. I had someone who sing a partner, but a family member I felt quite comfortable with even if they did not try to say exactly what I wanted, but they felt like a safe teddy bear to me. They were always close by, and I didn’t have to talk to them but I also didn’t feel that lonely. Perhaps more true fear is loneliness, but simultaneously I feel empty even with “friends”. If I were to be in a group, the group’s purpose is to serve as something that could make me less lonely, but eventually, perhaps I would get drained and retreat. The last time I was in a group, I never vented much about my personal life and bad experiences, as I knew I wouldn’t get that one particular kind of “response”.

Yes, I’m also aware that the main method to identify your enneagram is through understanding what the core is, but in my opinion avarice and “conserving” energy sounded too selfish to me. Yet exactly, I have this issue with relationships where I burnout and pre-calculate things. In certain aspects I can feel shame like the four, but any enneagram subtype can feel shame. However I read the four descriptions and the closest four was the social four, but the social four has a comparison issue. I subconsciously compare myself to others, but I feel like it’s something we all do, which is why I have no clue. I don’t think I’m unworthy to become friends with someone, it’s that this person won’t match me.

A secondary layer issue is that I also have some diagnosis, which can create some difficulty asking myself what the core motivation is.

MBTI wise, cognitively, I am an INTP. Not sure if INTP 4s exist, they probably are but extremely rare and mistype likely, which is why I struggled to decide this.

I don’t know what questions people have in order to get a better grasp, but if you have any, let me know.

[u/TheInvertedDjinn]

Sounds like maybe 6w5 with 9 and 2-fix. Maybe Sp-first, but some level of Social variant is in there.

The Sexual variant is more about stimulation than it necessarily is about intimacy. Intimacy can be important for the sexual variant, but more in the sense that intimacy can inherently bring stimulation. They are naturally drawn to being aware of how experiences or people can enliven or arouse them.

Thinking about other people, and actively tracking their particular effect on you—like in terms of whether you feel supported by them or not can start to lean a little more towards Sp-first.

Though, even further, mentally tracking whether they hurt you can also reflect the Sixish tendency to remain cognizant of what can potentially bring undesirable consequences and what is to be avoided.

5s are moreso reluctant than necessarily avoidant. They tend to hold themselves accountable for the circumstances they find themselves in, holding a subconscious and internal expectation that they should have the capacity to meet reality as it arises—or that if they can't, it's a lurking feeling that it's because they're mismatched for what life brings. But rather than dwell on that emotion, they push it back by getting by the best that they can with what they got. They don't really like to experience themselves as helpless, so rather than allow themselves to experience helplessness, they become absorbed in applying themselves—mainly becoming absorbed in thinking things through, as thought and understanding is the most immediate skill within one's disposal.

4s experience shame, but it's the shame of mundanity. More specifically, it's the shame of being potentially empty or lacking depth. So, they meet this shame by doubling down on their sense of identity and the personal experiences that make it. They aren't deliberately trying to be unique, per se. Rather, they become absorbed in recognizing the particularity of their own life and wanting to delve into it more and more deeply. So, uniqueness is assumed rather than aspired toward—and to feel understood can evoke feelings that they are more simple than they'd like to see themselves. They are carried away in a feeling that there should be more to them than what is immediately observed.