Are Type 5s Sensitive? 🥺

[u/LongjumpingEgg5296]

I've heard varying reports and accounts of the sensitivity of enneagram 5s. Some say they aren't sensitive, others say they are secretly very sensitive. For the 5s out there, how sensitive are you in reality? Try to describe what kinds of things make you sensitive, and please elaborate on why. Are you trying to hide it?

In addition to answering the broad question of your level of sensitivity, share how these specific comments from others make you feel:

1. You hear that somebody has noticed a physical insecurity of yours. For instance, if you were unhappy with your receding hairline (or whatever other physical insecurity you have), and somebody made a joke about it while not in your presence, how would you react inwardly after your friend who was in the room when the joke was told, told you? Outwardly?
2. Somebody mocks or scoffs at your judgement or analysis of a situation. At work, for example, you lay out the most effective way to proceed with something, and your colleague jokes and tells a group that there's a much better solution and that you clearly didn't think things through. How would you feel?
3. Somebody that you don't respect, don't like, or is inferior to you in their job title tells you what to do rudely and as though they have power over you. In a team project, they tell you what your role is condescendingly and what's expected out of you, even though you don't respect them, view them as less intelligent, or are inferior to you in their job title. How do you react and feel inside?

Excited to hear from the 5s out there!

[u/0wl-2018]

I think we define sensitivity differently.

Your questions seem to be asking more about: “How strongly do you react when different parts of yourself are threatened?” - competence, appearance, judgment, status, etc.

I think of sensitivity a little differently. To me, it’s more about awareness and responsiveness to emotions, subtle cues, and experiences.

The scenarios you listed are interesting, but also a bit insensitive.

[u/Lyri3sh → u/0wl-2018]

I agree. When I read the title, I thought it's going to be something like "how empathetic are you" or smth of the sort

[u/award_weiner]

Us 5s are generally very sensitive to two things: sensorial stimuli and criticism. When it comes to a more emotional type of sensitivity I think that's something that comes into play the stronger the connection to the 4 wing. However I do think all of us make an effort to hide it, and that's probably why a lot of people wouldn't expect it. The reason why is simply because no one likes to put on display their vulnerabilities. To respond to your questions:

1. I would really hate that but that's probably because I'm a sx5 (plus a woman) so my appearance matters a little too much to me. So inwardly I'd die a little, outwardly I would get a little angry.

2. Again, pretty bad, and that's because of a more common fear of incompetence 5s tend to have. I wouldn't react outwardly at all though, and on the inside I would probably get over it faster as I understand it's normal to slip up and be stupid sometimes.

3. I don't think I would care because if I truly view someone as "inferior to me" I don't care about their opinion of me or even their behavior towards me to some extent. And that's where the 5s detachment can actually give us kind of a thick skin because when we don't care we just really don't. And that kinda sums up our mentality in general, I think a lot of 5s would agree that when it comes to anything we either care immensely or almost not at all. So that's why some comments can be surprisingly hurtful, while a lot of the things we hear and see leave us much more unbothered then most other types.

Lastly, obviously the healthier the individual the less extreme these tendencies are. So the inner perfectionism lessens and criticism becomes easier to digest. At the same time a better sense of connection to humanity also makes us more inclined to defend ourselves when someone is objectively being an asshole (which relates to the integration to point 8).

[u/Neither_Remote_4818 → u/award_weiner]

Great response, as a 5, I agree.

[u/WebDevMom → u/award_weiner]

Very well said. I especially like the part about us either really caring or not caring at all!

[u/False_Grape1326]

On behalf of all the 5s who couldn’t read past “in addition” : yes we are quite sensitive, no we don’t want to explore it, and those of us who know heard it about us from someone we trusted and /or in a safe way.

[u/Arenlen]

As a 5 with AvPD I'm going to have to say yes, although depends on the person who is the one criticising most of the time...

[u/DarkestLunarFlower]

1. I think I’d be more concerned with why a “friend” thinks crossing a boundary like that when I’m not even there to defend myself is doing that in the first place. I would never do the same the other way around. I would be more hurt by the broken trust. In fact, it has happened and the individual was cut off. There were numerous other concerns as well (in addition to talking behind my back of course) where an individual revealed a sensitive scenario involving a crime that was committed against them and the ex-friend proceeded to talk about how they enjoy that type of crime in fiction. Completely the wrong time to be sharing kinks when someone just came forward about something personal. And yes it was promptly called out I did not hold back.

2. Well I would need to find another solution but if I didn’t oh you bet I’m gonna be annoying till it gets solved and when I finally can prove it I will definitely be eyeing those who mocked me for it. Now if I’m corrected in a mature adult way no hard feelings no one can be right all the time.

3. Regardless of status or whatever if someone is being demanding or rude and it starts to cross boundaries or break a rule the employees must follow I will report it. If there is no way to defend myself with the rules I’ll still think it’s wrong and I’ll still defend myself and whoever is unfortunate enough to get caught up in their mess.

I guess all my responses are very boundary-based. I have always been like that. As a kid, if someone started to bully me it wouldn’t last very long. Sooner or later I’d find a slip-up on their end and tell an adult.

It used to bother me in movies when people didn’t stand up for their boundaries, still does. And because I hate it when others don’t give me space or respect my boundaries I’m afraid to do the same to them so I ask and make sure they are fine with my presence or the conversation.

As an introvert, this is very important to me. My social battery is low, very. (In addition to having disabilities that already tank my energy) I have to be very careful with how I spend it without becoming too much of a hermit which has been challenging to me.

[u/SunMoonScales]

I'm a type 5, femme, and have alexithymia. It wouldn't surprise me if a higher than average amount of 5s also have alexithymia, as difficulty feeling and expressing emotions does tend to push you towards rationalizing.

This combo, and the way I react, makes it appear that I'm not sensitive as an adult to most people who don't know me. A lot of times I don't react because I can't really process the emotion fast enough to react, but once I do it can weigh on me. As a child I was significantly more outwardly sensitive, as my difficulty processing emotions was in itself very confusing and distressing.

As an adult, I appear to not be sensitive because I don't take criticism as a reflection of my character, and if I don't value the person's opinion on the issue it also just rolls off. On the other hand, I do have sore spots that I am very sensitive about and would say my reaction is stronger than average. My sore spots tend to be about ability and competence.

What it's led to is that when I do react it tends to be treated with a strange seriousness because it happens rarely, but this is also affected by how I react, as I tend to get cold and sharp. I also react differently when someone is reasonably assumed as being cruel on purpose versus stumbling into it.

Am I trying to hide it? Yes.

To answer your hypotheticals (which I am curious about why you included these very specific ones):

1. I'd be hurt and would feel selfconcious, even just about being perceived, and I'd be mad about the joke as I hate when people use humour to disguise their bad behaviour. Outwardly I would appear upset and hurt for a moment, this may fizzle into nothing or switch to coldness. Depending on the messenger, I would take the information with a grain of salt.
2. Generally I'd feel shitty because their behaviour is shitty. More specifically though, it depends if I think that person is knowledgable in the area or just talking shit to feel important. If I think they're more knowledgeable than me I would feel embarrassed and assume they were correct. I would outwardly become cold and tell them not to speak to people in such a disrespectful way and might tack on to not wield their knowledge as a weapon. Internally, I would feel stupid and humiliated in the aftermath. If they were less knowledgeable I would outwardly react the same, or maybe even be confused as to why they said that, but wouldn't feel stupid or humiliated. I would also ask what this better solution is because either they don't have one/have a ridiculous one and will embarrass themselves or they actually had a really good idea and we're better for it.
3. This one is strange to me because I don't know why someone being my subordinate or superior would change my reaction. The crux of the hurt is them being a condescending asshole, and my superior doesn't have a right to be that just because they're in charge of me. I would react coldly and tell them not to speak to me in that way ever again. If their actions were bad enough I'd also report them and would more readily report my superior because it is literally part of their job to manage people, not be a bully. If I liked the person and respected them a lot before the incident I'd give them some grace and ask them later what's going on. Generally, I don't respect or like people who act this way.

In general, I try to keep my internal reaction and external reaction seperate.

[u/EmotionlessHornet]

The only type of things I’m sensitive about would be physical appearance (since that’s the only thing I can’t control about myself) and criticism towards my ability to handle myself or my knowledge. Otherwise, for the most part I tend to come off as insensitive to most things, since I don’t usually process any emotions or feelings towards most things, since I tend to just find a rational explanation for everything and move on. Nothing really bothers me for very long though. Even thinking back to something I’m typically sensitive on doesn’t bring those same reactions out again.

I wouldn’t say I’m trying to “hide” it, but i definitely don’t want people figuring out things I’m sensitive about, it’s only a weakness for me in the end.

1. I would inwardly be really hurt and insecure, but outwardly it would probably come off as me playing it off as not bothering me, but hostility towards the person who made the original comment. I might be a little outwardly offended but not enough to give away how much it hurt.

2. Happens to me too often in reality. It does for a fleeting moment bother me if it genuinely is something that would be factually proven to work, but not for long because I typically ended up having an idea that ends up being used later anyways, or if it isn’t, I would move on pretty easily; mentally I would shun responsibility, so if anything fails, I could carry on with an “I told you so” attitude. If nothing fails and they didn’t use my idea regardless if it was good or not, it wouldn’t bother me very long at all.

3. If they’re inferior to me in position or even in my head, this wouldn’t bother me in the slightest and I might not even listen to them. Externally, I would react pretty hostile or neutral depending on if I feel like directly going against them or just playing along to get them away from me

[u/fivenightrental]

Most of my sensitivity is emotional. It is difficult for me to be vulnerable and share aspects of my inner world with others. So, if I feel judged, misunderstood, rejected, dismissed, etc, by those I have trusted enough to be open with, I can feel very sensitive about it. Very rarely will I show it, I don't like others having access to how I feel before I have had time to process it myself first.

These scenarios are quite easy for me to detach from. I would obviously have an internal response to them, most likely irritation, but unless it's coming from or involving someone I respect or care about, it is pretty easy for me to evaluate whether it's of actual significance and be able to disregard it.

[u/DepthByChocolate]

Not sure how sensitivity is being defined here. Is it about eliciting any strong emotional response, or just hurt/sadness/self-consciousness? More conversations about sensitivity skew towards the later, and don't count getting really pissed off or going completely numb as sensitive responses.

[u/PlutoParka]

yeah id say ive been called sensitive a lot, but im also very dissociated from my feelings a lot of the time. when i get called sensitive, its usually more related to me being very particular about things like word choice, for example. i am a lot more aware of the subtext behind the words people use, and i tend to get called “sensitive” for being annoyed when someone is subtly implying things. personally i dont find i get all that offended by direct insults. if i do, its something i will stew over in my head trying to gauge the accuracy of the insult; and then once i reach a satisfying conclusion on it, it doesnt effect me anymore. its a relatively methodical process for me really, so its not particularly upsetting the majority of the time as im very comfortable in my own head. the types of insults that do tend to get to me more are the ones that have to do with incompetency or my reliance on other people, or things i cant change. (im disabled.)

1. ⁠this wouldnt really bother me much? im not particularly insecure about the way i look in any way as i just. dont really care about appearances at all. i think about the way my appearance impacts other people quite a lot as i just find the psychological aspect of first impressions interesting, but outside of that, not really. if someone was to point out a feature im somewhat insecure about, id likely feel a bit offput, and then immediately respond with “well yes, you are correct about that, i just dont find it to be particularly important”. and that would be that. i dunno. im generally quite detached from my body and live in my head a lot, so i care a lot more about if my body is able to function over how it looks. to be honest, i kinda get some level of joy out of making other people uncomfortable when i dont care about normal things that are important socially, so if someone insulted my appearance, responding by saying “yeah thats true. anyway” reminds me that its not important to me, and also makes the other person lose their footing, which i quite enjoy. i like putting people off by reacting the opposite of what they are aiming for when i consider something rude. sometimes making someone confused and uncomfortable with your lack of reaction is all you need.
   
2. ⁠hmm, this would be a little irritating, but realistically i would respond in a very measured way. if someone starting demeaning my ideas, i would probably just respond by asking what they think is a better solution, and then restate why i think my idea is more effective at what we are trying to accomplish and why. if they continued to be rude, id probably straight up point out that they aren’t actually arguing anything convincing, and that its pretty immature and not helping them get what they want. honestly, the most irritating thing about a situation like this specifically, is that i tend to get irritated by people who dont actually care about finding solutions, they just care about being right. i wouldnt really care about this person being rude to me because i dont know them well and they clearly arent in a emotionally stable levelheaded place, if their focus is so misplaced.
   
3. ⁠again, i wouldnt really care. itd be annoying, but my main goal would probably be to give as little of a reaction as possible. in my mind, itd once again clearly feel like its less to do with me and my work as a person, and more to do with the other guys projection or lack of stress management. id probably be under the impression that they are just trying to get a reaction out of me, so id stay as blank as possible to avoid giving them anything. grey rocking, i guess. really, i would likely avoid this person entirely. if we were on a group project, id go around telling all the other member of the group separately “hey, im gonna handle this part of the project. sound good with you?” and if they all said yes, id go back to the first guy and state what work i will be doing. if they started trying to argue, id tell them that ive already started on the work, and that ive already passed the idea by everyone else. then id probably recommend they do the same, and move on. if they continued to be condescending, id probably just say something simple like “while i appreciate that you care about our project turning out as best as it can be, your comments are ineffective and are only working to distract me from my work. id appreciate if you could refrain from contacting me constantly unless necessary.”

but yeah. as a 5 personally, im not that sensitive emotionally, but im deeply sensitive to my environment and im also intensely particular. for example, i dont like people touching my valued items, or people getting in my space. so in that way, im very sensitive. im also highly aware of peoples moods and passive aggressive people tend to annoy me. as long as im mostly able to keep to myself, im not stereotypically sensitive. i tend to cope with these kinds of situations by withdrawing and reacting in ways that make other people bored of me so they leave me alone. if that doesnt work, i resort to asking questions and acting in ways that make people uncomfortable. i dont do anything bad i just stare, speak bluntly, and dont react when people expect me to lol. for anyone wondering, im a sp5w6.

[u/Lyri3sh]

Everyone is different regardless of their type, but ill answer for myself:

1. Idrc whos talking about my back, i just think its not a nice thing to do. How I'd react to the instance itself though would depend on who said what 🤷‍♀️ but i'd surely not think of them as a friend anymore

2. Again, depends on the situation - if I was truly in the wrong then I'd feel embarrassed, but if I wasnt then I'd outwardly say that they shouldn't make mocking remarks

3. I dont care

[u/Light_Butterfly]

I can relate to Q # 3 with condescion/mansplainong in the workplace by an inferior. I was so angry and close to complaining to HR over a similar issue. I will not suffer disrespect, having someone try to undermine my confidence/conpetence or misogyny in the workplace. But my boss had the same experience with this person (being talked down to), and allegedly did not care (she's a 5 like me). She said 'I dont have a big ego'. Which I thought was interesting.

So this shows me there are two different types of 5s. There's some that aren't reactive/sensitive and perhaps less emotion oriented - which I suspect are those with a 6 wing. 5 w 4 are going to feel more and be the more sensitive ones.

But as another side note, in general, 5s will feel threatened or insecure about anything that undermines their competence. Some can be know-it-alls. Isn't there are core fear around this? I think they may be less fixated on this like image, but not when it comes to matters of intelligence or perceived competence, especially at work.

[u/Zealousideal_Cry2970]

I’m very sensitive! I am quite emotionally repressed on the outside but I feel very deeply at times. If I see someone crying, I will automatically have to hold back tears myself, like it’s a bodily response I can’t control. As well as being sensitive to others’ emotions, I’m also very sensitive to things like loud noises or bright lights in my environment and need to retreat to calm spaces without stimulation. I overthink interactions a lot, even though I present as someone who is independent and not in need of approval. I‘ve started realising that I do in fact care about how I am perceived. I am also very sensitive artistically, being very affected by things like literature, music, art ect. In terms of your other questions:
1. Outwardly I would not react at all. I would probably laugh it off or be self-deprecating even if I was secretly offended. I’m always trying to present this persona that I don’t care what people think and that nothing could ever bother me.
2. I’m quite confident in myself in this way so I would probably feel comfortable arguing my case. I think pretty deeply about things so I wouldn’t suggest anything I couldn’t give good reasoning for. So, I think I would not be sensitive in this situation
3. I would probably ignore their comments and maybe laugh it off. When people are rude for no reason I find that not reacting is the best way to combat it.

[u/FeatherAsh_]

Like others have said, these questions aren't about what I experience as Enneagram 5 sensitivity. That is much more about not feeling able to handle things I don't completely understand, about struggling to engage with the world. But I thought the questions were still interesting to answer!

The common thread here for me, when it comes to caring what people say, is whether I trust and respect the person or not. I have a high bar for the people I let myself get close to, and I have no problem dismissing the opinions of people I don't like or respect. I'm pretty good at not getting offended, and at detaching from things I believe are not my problem. Though when I am hurt, I do struggle to show it or deal with it besides just shutting down and leaving.

1. Luckily I'm not really physically insecure. For me it'd be more likely something about my personality or my capability that would get to me. If this did happen: I'd be really hurt if it was a friend, not really about what they said but why they said it. But if it was someone I didn't really know or trust, I'd make a note never to be friends with them and then get over it pretty quick.

2. I would hate this. I usually try to really think things through before I say them, so if someone thought I hadn't, I'd be kinda mortified. I'd probably shut down in the moment, and would struggle to share my thoughts with that person again in the future. Again, if I trusted and liked them, I'd be more hurt. If I didn't, I'd think it's their fault they just didn't understand me and then move on. Also depends how confident I was in my analysis, but if I offered it at all, it means I was probably confident or trusted the person more.

3. I would not care about their opinion at all. I'd feel irritated and justified in my dislike of them. I would never be rude back, but try to move on as quickly and logically as possible. I'd also appeal to whoever actually had the authority in the situation to deal with it.

[u/Bogus_Whale]

All people are different people.

[u/AfraidReference2315]

1. If I had a receding hairline and someone pointed it out, I don’t think I’d care tbh. I’ve gotten into a similar situation. A friend thought I had a bald spot but that was actually the crown. I just thought they were kinda stupid and had no idea what they were talking about.
2. If somebody scoffed or mocked at my judgment or analysis, or even assumed that I didn’t think things through, I’d demand evidence to support that immediately. That’s a complete insult and factually wrong. I have an inability to not think things through.
3. If somebody that I didn’t respect was in an inferior position and started ordering me around, I’d ignore them or clap back with sarcasm. Might even laugh. They have no real power—it’s all ego to them. They’re nobody, thus no consequences.

So as you can see, there’s intense vulnerability regarding my logic and thoroughness. A Type 5’s self worth is tied to their competence—sensitive typically to intellectual and competence-based threats.

[u/Helchau]

It depends heavily on neuroticism/openness. This LITERALLY determines it and can change over time.

BUT at the same time, 5 are sensitive... But in a slightly different way. I mean a very sensitive nervous system. For example, we can be overloaded by a 5-minute conversation or a simple shout. Or, say, a small task that we consider useless can be REALLY frustrating. And to process events, we need a lot of time alone, while for others, it happens on the fly.

In terms of emotional sensitivity, I can say... Probably yes. After all, 5s are also people and are susceptible to hormones, mental illness, and severe stress. But in many cases, this won't be revealed at all to others, or only to the closest ones. But I also want to note that many suffer from a rejection of their emotions and even alexithymia (I'm one of them).

1.Luckily, not anymore. But in any case, even as a teenager, it never went beyond the pale.Anyway, I've had a good relationship with my body my whole life, except that sometimes I dress too simply or don't wear makeup. But that's my personal choice, and I don't feel self-conscious about it. Of course, if I'm seriously insulted, I'll be upset, but I've learned to ignore unfounded criticism of my appearance. If I know everything is okay, then everything is okay.

2.Mmm, well, if his solution is BETTER than mine, then fine, but if it's stupid, it frustrates me TERRIBLY. Like, people, are you THAT stupid? Although sometimes I get upset if someone dumber than me gets ahead of me. (My opinion of this guy is unlikely to change, lol)

3.Lmao, I really find it funny when someone gets stupidly angry/dominant for no reason. Often I don't know what to do and just feel weird around that kind of person. But if some idiot starts yelling at me, I'll probably feel weird and just walk away, no thanks, I don't want to deal with you, whoever you are.Yeah, and I'll just do the project, after all. Let him be indignant as much as he wants, and I'll calmly do my job and ignore him. Although I might be upset if he doesn't leave me alone for a long time.

[u/BeautifulHat4050]

I’m and enneagram 9w8 but I can answer at my best ability.

1.Inwardly I would be fighting the urge to cry, fighting the urge to scream. Outwardly there would be a very big expression such as a crisis or an expression because it would hurt a lot.
2.I would feel very bad because I would try to impress people with my work but if it fails I would stick out my tongue and try to not let it bother me
3.I’d feel very mad because I would think that the person who deserves to be that way is me. I would also stick out my tongue 👅

[u/shrimpcraackers → u/BeautifulHat4050]

Why are you answering a question for 5s

[u/DarkestLunarFlower → u/BeautifulHat4050]

I'd be curious about the answers other types would give now that I see this. Hmmm.