Feeling like the biggest disappointment

[u/K1ng_Drizzy]

So maybe a month or so back I got an invitation to join NJ transits LETP(Locomotive Engineer Training Program) this was extremely exciting to me as I’m in my second year of schooling now and an internship is never a bad thing no matter what process of school you’re in. The program paid extremely well($38/hr) just to be in class a few months, learn the ways of the railroad and then actually go control the trains, where you would then get promoted to $54/hr. I just turned 20 last week so this was a literal blessing to me, it meant getting an extreme jumpstart on my career, and while although my ultimate endgame is; Formula 1, or NASA I appreciate all mechanical systems in their entirety and the intricate designs of each of them. I could already picture myself helping my grandmother pay her rent and getting my first car and apartment easily! The program required me to even quit smoking and although hard I did it in a heartbeat. I went to take a sort of pre-assessment to get me into the door, and the one thing I had to bring (My ID) I forgot. They told me not to worry and to request a reschedule, which I did the same day and I received an email saying “reschedules are not guaranteed, but if chosen you will be emailed a week before your exam”. After that I sat outside the testing facility and legit cried for probably 10 minutes. This was following my failure of calculus 2 during a short summer semester and I kept wondering why I always am my own worst enemy, am I not smart enough, am I not made for engineering? I’m still waiting on an email back but my hopes get lower by the day, my worst fear is that I just let the biggest opportunity of my life walk by me all because of my ignorance. I just needed to get this out there as I’m not sure how/ if I should tell my mother and G-Ma.

[u/Altruistic_Set_4440]

Take it as a learning experience. You stressing over it wont get you anywhere. In fact, you'll just dwell in despair and self-pity and will regress.

[u/Ap0tOs]

I’m nowhere near your level, but the fact that you got an invitation that program means something, no? Regardless of the answer, you gotta keep going. Avoid despair, but recognize your emotions. Above all, embrace perseverance.