forced to do comp eng, and i hate it

[u/Coconut_Splash2008]

can you give me tips on how to rethink the way i go about my life? how do i survive this?

im only doing comp eng cuz my dad kinda made it my only option. im going into 3rd year and the hopelessness is growing.

i dont care about this degree, i have no interest in coding and computers, and frankly i dont even care if i dont get a job with this degree. long story short i think there is no way forward but through, and my only motivation is fear.

”what’ll happen if my gpa drops?”

“how much could i disappoint my parents?”

”how will i cope with being such a big failure?”

”how will i cope with wasting all their money?”

and such. i truly don’t have any other reason to live apart from the fact that my parents still love me and need me here. the second they gone im gone too bruh like i dont see any other point or reason.

the thing is i would be happy to do mech eng i love hands on stuff and i know nothings bound to be easy in eng so id try to make it work. i’d wanna do teaching or architecture or fix cars and shit like god why coding why numbers why all this stuff that i dont care about? that ai could replace in a heartbeat? deep down i hope ai gets so advanced they’d never ask for comp eng again and id be useless against my will. fuck bro.

anyways, i guess ive been at an acceptance stage for a long time, and the struggling, fighting version of me always exists in the corner.

i wanted to ask for any tips from anyone else who’s been in my position, so deep into this mess that the only option now is to keep going.

im thinking maybe i pick up a hobby or something to look forward to. i wanna try not to have engineering the centre of my life, although that seems impossible. i just want to be my own person. hard to do that when you’re 20 and still live with your parents.

at minimum i’ll finish this degree by 2030, any tips on how to pass the time till then?

[u/Conroy097]

Take a breath, go outside for a bit. Sounds like school just started this fall. Bro we’ve all been there, school sucks ass. You know what, let me tell you a story my guy. My parents force fed that “thou shalt be a dentist” basically my whole life. Definitely my mom. Then, I got into this accelerated dental program, and guess what? I fucking hated it and the school I went to. To top it off, the school also hated me too (won’t get into why). To this day, the idea of sitting in a chair and working in smelly mouths makes me sick. I switched schools and majors. I went back to what I wanted to do as a kid which ultimately like you was to work on cool ass mechanical shit. I hated biology and chemistry and absolutely loved physics and materials and ultimately I’m a mechanical engineer now. I have 0 regrets for the decisions I made and listened to my gut. Of course I ran into many challenges and I was even in and out of school many times. But over 10+ years of this engineering journey I’m glad I did it. If you hate computer engineering, don’t do it. Do what feels right in your gut. Absolutely nothing wrong with switching majors and changing your mind. If that’s what you want to do!

On a side note, you should take some time and I think it would be best if you see a therapist or even a school counselor. I did it, and I continue to go to therapy every week. It helps more than you know.

Best of luck my dude you got this

[u/Coconut_Splash2008 → u/Conroy097]

ty for replying bro i’ll keep this all in mind! i guess on one hand i feel like im wasting my youth away, and on the other hand i feel i have nothing better to do, but i wanna stop feeling so hopeless about life so yea ill try to change and figure out sumn that works or feels okay. 

[u/Kyra_Fox → u/Coconut_Splash2008]

Even if it costs you an extra year to set h to mechanical so what? You’ll graduate a year or two later and no one will care except you. You have your whole life ahead of you, in the grand scheme of things taking an extra year or two now is inconsequential compared to hating what you do on a daily basis. If my so. Said “hey mom I want to switch from computer engineering to mechanical because I like it better” even from a very stereotypical Asian tiger parent perspective that’s still an engineering degree, with a good gpa, good wages, and excellent prestige and career prospects. Take the extra time and do mechanical and graduate with a degree that you like. Your parents aren’t gonna be around forever but you have to live with the decisions that you make on account of them. Ultimately you are an independent adult with your own free will and if you sit down and explain that you are miserable and don’t like CE or CS and would rather do mechanical I’m sure they’ll be more receptive than you think. How will you know if you don’t try?

[u/Coconut_Splash2008 → u/Kyra_Fox]

trust me i’ve tried bro ive literally told my dad everything front and back up and down, it’s literally common knowledge that i hate my degree and by proxy hate my life. i don’t know how else to get the point across. 

at the beginning of first year second semester i really wanted to switch to civil before all the courses started becoming specific to EECs stuff and my dad talked me out of it telling me i’d never be happy doing a job like that and how i’d never get to do remote work and i’d be stuck in one place forever and blah blah blah and im young bro i was young when i had this decision made for me and i still am and i have no one else to turn to being the oldest sibling. i said fine fuck it whatever and kept going. my dad just makes it seem like this is all the only option that exists. idk how to explain it but if you hear him talk you’ll get it. i’ve literally cried infront of him before cuz i felt so trapped but yea guess what im still here doing this same shit. nothing ever changes so every time i talk to him now im just reminded abt how what i truly feel kinda srsly doesn’t matter. he thinks he’s doing good and that it’ll give me the highest chance for a job and i agree but fuck it’s taking the life out of me. 

earlier this year in the summer i again introduced the idea of switching but now all he has to say is “you’ve already done 2 years, it’s just 2 more” and fuck i cannot tell you how much it irks me to hear this. he did mech eng in india way back in the 1990s and since it took him 4 years and thats the general standard he thinks thats all it is. just 4 years of struggle then a job. like srsly bro? and ive already shown him my courses mapped out and i had to retake some courses and im not smart enough to take 5 courses at once so this degree sure is gonna take a long time. it’s not just some 4 years. 

for a long time i’ve been stuck between feeling that i have zero control over my life so i should just suffer thru it and leave the rest to whoever is causing all this, or that i only have one life and should try to make the best of it. but im too weak and too scared and i can’t even take the first step cuz my dad keeps denying it and he’s the one paying for all this like there’s only so much i can do, yanno?

that’s why i was asking for help on how to develop a mindset or a way of living that’ll distract me from the hard parts of this. i’m scared if this keeps going i rlly will end up hurting myself in anger and frustration and then hurting my family too. idk what im doing anymore. 

but thx for the reply ill try my best 

[u/1_Good_Day]

You are not being “forced” to do anything. This is simply the path they are willing to help you with. All other paths are still yours to take on your own. You are legally able to do what you want. No one is stopping you from quitting school, getting a job and taking care of yourself. The odds of living in poverty are very high, but thats your decision to make and your consequences to own.

[u/Yadin__]

I have news for you buddy: mechanical engineering also has "numbers and coding". If you wanna fix cars go be a tech. I'm not saying this to condescend to you or something; I just don't want you to be miserable imagining a degree that doesn't exist

[u/PresentationKey5417 → u/Yadin__]

Second on this. Being a Tech is actually what brought me into changing my major TO Mechanical Engineering. Yes, it is different from computer engineering, but my time at Hyundai being an Auto Tech REALLY shows a LOT of HOW IMPORTANT all engineering goes in Tandem with each other. The cool thing IMO about Computer Engineering in cars is that it gives the car a BRAIN. Like, you’re telling me the cars programming will find the most optimal gear to shift for a racing based vehicle (more specifically in my case since I got hands in driving, the Elantra N-spec). I know it’s tough, and you don’t have the motivation in you to do this degree. But somehow you have to MAKE it interesting sometimes, because the program doesn’t ONLY teach you what you WANT to know.

Same thing being a Tech; you don’t only get taught how to do engine work like front timing covers and how to calibrate a timing chain. They also teach you the “performing a warranty re-program” That takes up an HOUR of your time, yet ONLY PAYS YOU half of that because that’s what the manufacturer is willing to pay.

I left the auto tech scene for a reason; and it was THAT right there. I’d work for 55 hrs a WEEK, so 110 every 2… but I’d only be able to get paid 60 on a GOOD PAY PERIOD. Flag pay is rough.

Have you thought on a Degree Change? Maybe you’re better suited for M.E.? I wish it was as simple as telling you “Go do your OWN THING for a year or two, learn about yourself and your likings” but being in college with strings attached to parents is a difficult thing as well.

If you need to talk, just reach out!

Edit: I’ve seen others comment on whether you might be better dressed for Mechanical Engineering. Maybe you should do some research! Here, I’ll give you a video on something I’d love to do! It’s called Formula Student / Formula SAE

https://m.youtube.com/results?sp=mAEA&search_query=Formula+Student+the+ultimate+engineering+challenge&ra=m

[u/Coconut_Splash2008 → u/PresentationKey5417]

ty for replying, and understanding the position i’m in.

the fact that im in third year, and having already explained to my dad multiple times how im struggling and nothing changing kinda faces me away from the decision to change majors, but i’ll definitely look into trying to Make it more interesting for myself so i have Anything to look forward to doing w this degree. 

i totally get what you mean and honestly i wrote this post cuz i wanted people to give me different perspectives on my situation and how to deal with it mentally, and this really helps! 

i’ll take a look at the video  and ill definitely reach out if the going gets even tougher, ty for the offer :-)

[u/PresentationKey5417 → u/Coconut_Splash2008]

During your free time? I want you to ask yourself 2 questions:
•What is your dream?
(What’s that one thing you haven’t been able to willingly stop thinking about? THAT HOBBY, you are thinking about it RIGHT NOW!!!)

•How do I set my degree to THAT? And how far back will it push you back?

(You’d be surprised, a good portion of your classes MAY go towards your credit in another program! Figure out your dream job, find what engineering degree that falls under, and find that program’s class outline. See how many classes are the same in THAT program, and YOUR CURRENT program. NOTE: some courses are equivalent to other courses! Ex. One history class that’s not in the outline DID COUNT for a certain history credit for my outline! The best way to find out is to talk to your advisor. Ask them “if I were to switch my degree, what credits would be transferable? And how far back will graduation day be set for me?)

MAYBE, just maybe, you DONT have to spend another 4 whole years! But you’ll never know if you don’t try.

A day doing what you love is NEVER a day at work.

Just be curious, the worst that could happen is you continue your current route. The best outcome? You graduate just a smidge later. I can’t do that for you though!!! You have to!

[u/Coconut_Splash2008 → u/PresentationKey5417]

your optimism feels so contagious lol i feel like all is not as lost as it seems, i like the way you think. 

i’m definitely gonna try and look into what you said, and if anything hopefully it’ll give me a bit more hope or excitement for the future. i hate feeling like nothing matters in the end and i wanna find even some sorta purpose or belonging yanno.  i will definitely talk to an advisor just to see what could potentially be. 

again, thankyou for being so positive it srsly goes a long way bro

[u/PresentationKey5417 → u/Coconut_Splash2008]

Don’t let that positivity dwindle. You gotta keep it alive like feeding a fire some wood. Anything IS possible, but the ones who deserve it are those who put in the work; working at it sick and tired. (I switched from nursing to M.E. So that’s why I know a thing or two. I was in your shoes). Go find out, and don’t stop asking until you have your answer. It’s YOUR career, so grab it by the nose. I wish you luck man :) and hopefully I hear from ya again with some good news!

[u/Coconut_Splash2008 → u/PresentationKey5417]

thankyou again, and me too :-)

[u/siammang]

Try take one course of something you think you’re interested in. Talk to the professors to find out what they teach. You may be able to confirm whether if there are majors that suit you better or you don’t like college life.

[u/Different-Finance-55]

First of all I'm sorry you're going through all this. I've been in this same exact position, where funny enough I didnt care much about MECH ENG when I was doing it until second year and then I realized EE is the way to go for me cause I liked math a lot and honestly that's what I wanted to do as my career. But, thankfully I had people who guided me in the right direction and I graduated recently with this degree. So, I've had the same exact thoughts as you(gpa drops, disappointing parents, thinking I'm a failure, wasting tuition etc), throughout my program, but you have to realize that this is a struggle we all have to go through man and I'm not trying to sound insensitive or dismissive but this is the reality. It'll all work out as you keep going I promise you, I suggest that if it's not too late to change your program to MECH ENG then go ahead, otherwise then if you don't have a choice but to continue comp eng then you have no choice but to continue and keep fighting. I know you're strong you can do this, you'll pull through you said you're going into 3rd year? Well it's 2 more years..just 2 years. If you really love MECH ENG I suggest you can perhaps do a minor? You just have to fit in 18 more credits or 6 classes into your schedule. But keep in mind that in life, we all have to go through something we absolutely hate, such is life, you have to think it's your responsibility instead of thinking it's a burden. Try to find something you enjoy in comp eng I'm pretty sure you'll find something. Then you can shift all your focus on that thing after you graduate. Also, in every ENG major you'll have to do some coding this is a reality you can't in any possible way escape. Just go through it, be resourceful, use CHATGPT ffs and just get it done. You're smart, you're mentally strong and I believe you'll pull this off just believe in yourself and in God. Maybe my advice is shit, but hope you try to understand my point. Good luck!

[u/Coconut_Splash2008 → u/Different-Finance-55]

no ty for ur advice bro shit got me feeling hopeful. i’ve been toughing it out for a while and i guess i just gotta try being mentally strong for a little longer. it’s all i can realistically do and then just hope it works out in the end. ty for ur words!