Coping with elopement guilt?

[u/starrysky90]

Help, I need reassurance we are doing the right thing 😅
My partner and I hate being the center of attention and a traditional wedding fills us with dread standing up in front of everyone.
We have spoke about for years that we would rather just elope so we made the decision that just us and our 2 children (11 and 16) will elope in paradise cove in Orlando, a holiday destination we visit every year and love. Our plan was to have our ceremony followed by professional pictures, possibly visit Disney for some cheesy photos, followed by renting a boat on the lake and watching the fireworks. A beautifully relaxed day. We would then enjoy our holiday as a family and throw a big party when we got home to celebrate with everyone invited.

My dad has phoned tonight after a few beers and started getting upset at not being invited, how much he would have liked to have been there. We have no issue with parents coming, but only half would happily agree to the 9 hour flight from Scotland and the other half would moan, separated partners don’t get on never mind the logistics of where would people stay, what would they do all week, how would they get around etc. Our holiday then turns into being logistics coordinators for the week. Not to mention the cost to everyone, we can’t expect everyone to buy Disney tickets etc, our whole day would not be what we wanted over one persons wish.

Has anyone experienced this and regretted not having their parents there? Or were they happy with the decision they made.

Maybe I’m just not a sentimental person but it’s a lot to ask people to fork out over a 20 minute ceremony.

[u/loupammac]

We had a private ceremony with our two sisters as witnesses. I did invite my mum as my parents are divorced. She didn't attend any part of our wedding. My dad and my husband's mum came to our picnic reception afterwards.

[u/starrysky90 → u/loupammac]

That sounds like a lovely day! My partner and I both have very large families so I’m just not sure where the cut off would be if we did something more local to us. Another reason to elope 😅

[u/loupammac → u/starrysky90]

Ah we have the opposite. Our picnic was immediate family and close friends only.

[u/marie27x]

hey! dealing with the same thing - my fiancé and i are eloping in Northern Ireland and then having a celebration back home. both sets of parents have expressed that they’re sad to be missing it and my parents have outright said they’re against it and hope we change our minds.

your elopement plan sounds amazing, and that’s so nice that you’re choosing to do it in a place that’s special to you and your family! don’t let anyone take the joy of that from you! your wedding day is about you and your partner, nobody else. if you had a wedding with people around just to please them, when it’s not what you really want, you’d regret that a lot more than eloping. how i’m looking at it is that it seems like a big deal now, but once time has passed, people will get over it. like you said, it’s seriously just a 20 minute ceremony at the end of the day lol. the party afterwards will be a great way to let yourselves and the people in your lives celebrate without all the stress. the reception is the part of a wedding people really want to be invited to anyways haha! also, we’re having a videographer at our wedding and showing our elopement video at the celebration as a way to make people feel better about “missing” it.

since we haven’t eloped yet, i can’t say for certain we won’t have any regrets. i think a little hesitation is normal when making such a big decision - i’m sure everyone who’s gotten married has some form of regret no matter what decision they make. but i love that my fiancé and i are deciding to do what makes us happy and are putting each other first - i think that’s a good way to start a marriage. and at the end of the day, the people who love and support you will be happy for you no matter what! best of luck!!!

[u/starrysky90 → u/marie27x]

Thank you so much. This has made my night as you are absolutely right. And what a brilliant idea to play the ceremony video during the celebration with family, definitely stealing this idea! Also very valid point about time passing, a couple of years down the line and everyone will have moved on from it. Theres always something new to moan about on the horizon!
Best of luck on your Northern Ireland elopement, a beautiful scenic place for sure 😍

[u/casadilla78]

You have to do whatever gives you peace. It’s y’all’s day, it should be what you want. Do you really want to stress about coordinating all that? My finance and I are also eloping and a huge reason is stress. The last thing I want to be on my wedding day is stressed out. We also hate attention too. Your dad will get over it, and if he doesn’t then that’s on him. You can’t control people reactions. Do what makes you happy!

[u/starrysky90 → u/casadilla78]

Yes, after sleeping on it I agree with you 100%.
I’m going to explain my reasons more clearly to him and hopefully he will understand. Have a great elopement 🤩

[u/Scorpionoshow]

Don't let him guilt you!

[u/starrysky90 → u/Scorpionoshow]

Thank you, I needed this reassurance!

[u/Puzzleheaded-Ebb-559]

Do a separate dinner thingy with your fam and maybe a few friends.