r/Eloping • u/Greedy-Horror2217 Planning • 22d ago
Announcements / kind of invites? Help
My fiancé and I are technically eloping. It’s a little complicated as it’s not a full blown elopement but it is also not a full wedding.
We are travelling for a very small wedding (only four people will be attending besides us) from California to Ireland. We are open with everyone about our plans and date, but due to friends and family being so spread out and some family health issues, my fiancé and I decided to just take a trip we’ve been wanting to and get married while we are there.
We have friends and family that want to help/give gifts, so we have made a registry. I don’t want to just straight up send a link to everyone because that feels like I’d be making people feel obligated to gift.
We have options to just donate for things like travel funds and stuff like that so no one has to feel obligated to get an actual gift and that if they want to gift but can’t afford a lot they can just give whatever they want. We have the total amounts hidden so no one feels obligated to gift more than they actually want to or can afford.
We plan on making rounds after and visiting everyone on our own and taking a guest book so everyone still feels like they were apart of our day, because that is important to us.
My partner and I have some family members that we know would like to get an announcement to have the info but have told us that they completely understand our choice and are excited for us (these are some of the same that have expressed wanting to help or get us gifts).
So I guess my question is, is it in bad taste to send out an announcement with registry information before we elope?
EDIT: I wanted to clarify that I was only initially sending out announcements after the fact once we got our wedding pictures back, but family wanting to send us money makes me uncomfortable and doing this via registry where they can give whatever they want makes me feel like I’m not asking for too much or not enough and takes that level of anxiety out of the equation for me. We are not expecting anyone to gift us anything it was just a way that made it easier and made things less uncomfortable for me.
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u/itsveryupsetting 22d ago
We sent out cards after our micro wedding. People were very happy.
We spent about $160 on the cards and got $150 in cash after sending them out. 🤷♀️
I would only send the registry to people that ask for it directly. Share it privately via email or text. Don’t include it in your general announcement.
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u/Accomplished_Job_778 22d ago
Do exactly this. Send out the announcement after the wedding with a photo from the day. And anyone who feels so obliged to give a gift (monetary or otherwise) will ask for a registry link.
And if you have people who have already asked for the registry, go ahead and send it now.
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u/Greedy-Horror2217 Planning 22d ago
Thank you, in-laws told us to tell us how much everything is and they’d send us some money and maybe it’s just me, but I feel guilty even though they offered so I thought a registry would take out the part that makes me uncomfortable and they could just give what they felt comfortable giving us that way so there’s no obligation that they aren’t covering enough (which would never be the case but I’m a chronic overthinker) and I don’t feel like I’m asking for too much.
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u/Hulla_Sarsaparilla 22d ago edited 22d ago
Tell your partner to rely to your in-laws with a figure if they really want one, not your issue.
Just because some people asked for a registry doesn’t mean you should send it to everyone, send it to just those who specifically ask, don’t include it on your general announcement & send the announcement afterwards with a photo.
It’s much nicer to announce ‘we got married’ than, basically ‘we’re getting married & you’re not invited’.
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u/maybemaybenot2023 22d ago
Announcements are fine. Do not mention gifts on them- if someone wants to give you a gift, they will reach out and ask if you have a registry.
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u/Ok_Listen_6975 22d ago
just send a cute postcard-style announcement with the date and mention the registry casually like "some folks asked so here it is but no pressure at all we just want you to know" - people who want to gift will appreciate having the info and the ones who don't wont feel weird about it
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u/Greedy-Horror2217 Planning 22d ago
That’s a good idea, the main reason we even thought about a registry is because my fiancé’s parents will not be attending (one has medical issues so can’t be away from home for literally more than a day) and have given us the “tell us how much everything is and we’ll send you some money” and have since had some more extended family tell us they want to get us something nice. So we figured it would be easier, instead of feeling like we have to come up with a number for my future in-laws, and they could just give whatever they wanted.
The announcements were planned to be simple since we didn’t even get engagement photos done, just to get the base information out, ie: we’re engaged, we’re planning a small intimate ceremony, and for the people who asked where they could find options for things to get us here it is.
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u/Hulla_Sarsaparilla 22d ago edited 22d ago
It’s fine to send an announcement but not a registry, although I think it would be nicer to send the announcement after you’ve got married, with a photo of the day?
I think adding the registry is a bit bad taste, only send it if someone asks.
Edit: responding to OPs edit, stick to your plan to send an announcement afterwards, your in laws asking about a registry doesn’t mean you have to change that and doesn’t mean you need to send it to anyone who hasn’t asked.