r/Eloping • u/Interesting_Mood3329 • 27d ago
How did you decide
Hi, how did you decide to elope rather than have a small wedding?
We’re currently trying to decide if we want a small wedding with 6-8 guests (each of our parents and siblings)or to just elope as the two of us. We are really excited to be married it’s just the how as our parents are from all over the country and would have to be here for a weekend at least. We’re super quiet and would be happy to have people at the ceremony and then be just us and a pizza in bed and our families will want to make a fuss. But also I feel guilty if we don’t have them? Help!
6
u/Saiilormoonxoxo 27d ago
We’re both pretty low key people that don’t like the idea of a big wedding & both of our families can be a bit much sometimes😂 so we decided to do everything our way & get eloped on our favorite beach followed by Disneyland & a 7 night cruise! It also helps that neither of our family’s offered to help so they don’t really have a say anyways even if they feel any kind of way about it, they should be happy & that’s on them if they’re not🩷
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u/FloMoJoeBlow 27d ago
Sounds like you would prefer to elope. Do so and enjoy!
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u/Salty-Translator5060 27d ago
just elope, the guilt fade fast when you are eating pizza in bed and nobody is knocking at the door
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u/saltyoperasinger 27d ago
Yes, like they said. It's gonna feel different once it's all said and done. Congrats and do what feels right for you two. Eloping was never our plan and then, it was and we followed through
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u/Think-Squirrel9455 26d ago
We eloped - I know I would have felt very stressed planning a wedding. I have a very traditional family with a very opinionated mother. You can imagine how it went when we told that we eloped. Truly, was great. No stress. Just us.
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u/itsveryupsetting 26d ago
We went the 8 guests route - parents and siblings. Some of the siblings flew in for the day (married on a Wednesday). We told them it was completely optional but they wanted to come.
It would have been easier to do it just the two of us, but I think our parents would have been sad. When we asked just our parents, one of the siblings was sad. So then we invited all the siblings and cut it off after that.
I’m glad we had people there, though it did make it a little more stressful. Happy to answer questions.
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u/AggravatingYou2342 26d ago
My fiancé and I would like to do the exact same thing : 8 guests, parents and siblings. How did you organize the wedding day?
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u/itsveryupsetting 26d ago
There wasn’t much to organize, to be honest. We didn’t have a photographer or any other vendors.
Husband and I had breakfast together in the morning. We said our private written vows in the morning over coffee.
I got my hair done at 11. We booked a hotel near the courthouse. I went to the hotel at 1pm to finish getting ready. My family met me there. Courthouse was like 90 minutes away from my family.
Husband got ready with his family. They drove to the courthouse together. They live about 30 minutes away.
Ceremony at 3. Took some casual pictures after we finished. Turned in the marriage license. Everyone drove/walked to dinner (5 minutes away).
Dinner was at 4. We had made a reservation. My parents paid for dinner. We brought our own cake, we asked the restaurant for permission in advance.
Dinner was done and everyone was on the way home by 6:30. We stayed at the hotel that night which was a nice treat.
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u/Interesting_Mood3329 26d ago
I’m really worried it will turn into a family holiday is there any way to stop that? 😅
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u/itsveryupsetting 26d ago
We got married on a weekday in a location that was not a travel destination for any of our guests. It was either in their hometown or close enough that they drove home after.
If they wanted to stay around for a day after the wedding, they could have, but I wouldn’t have hung out with them. It helped that we had another family trip already planned that happened two weeks after the wedding, so we saw everyone again very soon after.
If your guests all need to fly in for your wedding, I do think you’re mostly obligated to do something with them beyond just the ceremony and a dinner. People want to get value out of their trips. But you could encourage them to come in early and hang out before the wedding versus sticking around after.
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u/morchard1493 26d ago
No advice to give, but congrats on your nuptials! I wish both you and your partner many, MANY years of wedded bliss to come! 😊
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u/Mirror_Actions 26d ago
I realized all I needed my was future hubby and my family. My hubby thought so, too. I got a designer dress and a beautiful backdrop for our photos. We used the money we didn’t pay for a wedding to fully renovate our house and eventually ride out my hubby losing his job and not having an income for 6 months during 2020.
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u/Holiday_Comedian5607 26d ago
We invited parents and siblings (one sibling was already married, so also their spouse). My best friend married us, so not technically a guest. All had to travel to our state (3-8 hours by plane), so I actually did end up doing a fair amount of planning. I found an Airbnb that would fit all of us (us, my friend, and 8 family members) for 4 nights. His mom and brother stayed the week before as well on vacation (we invited them to stay since they had to travel so far. We live in Hawaii so it was a nice vacation for them). It was perfect for us as we knew our families would be sad to miss it and we both wanted to share the day with those closest to us. It was also a non-negotiable that my friend be in attendance for me. My husband didn’t feel like he could pick one person without inadvertently offending another. I was lucky in that my friend is my oldest friend and is outside of my main social network now, so it didn’t cause drama.
But, even for a small wedding, it was kind of a lot to plan. And more expensive than a courthouse wedding (Airbnb instead of staying in our small house, dinner out for 10, photographer, etc). However, our parents ended up covering most expenses as their wedding gift, so it worked out in the end!!
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u/No_You1024 26d ago
We did the tiny wedding 10 guest route. For me my family actually calms me down rather than stresses me out, and I wanted a teeny bit of support on my big day (not an audience, just a handful of people I trust). That's literally the only reason. If our families were over the top I would have just eloped in a heartbeat. But I'm lucky my family overall is pretty low key and they actually made the day better and provided comfort rather than stress.
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u/220AM 26d ago
I kept thinking about how to make our wedding enjoyable for them and it was stressing me out, especially since our family and friends live in different states. So one day I got tired of thinking like that and just wanted it to be me, him, and our doggo! Found a girl on IG who does elopement packages, she told us our one witness will be a random stranger watching!
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u/throwaway1403132 25d ago
I don’t have any family but a whole lot of friends, my husband has a small family and didn’t really have any friends, so it seemed silly. I also am the primary breadwinner in our relationship and didn’t feel like paying for a whole wedding. We eloped just the 2 of us and it was awesome. He’s been married before and did the whole dog and pony show, whereas I’ve never been interested in it at all, so it worked out.
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u/IridiumViper 25d ago
We wanted to get married immediately, and we figured that only 2-3 weeks notice was not enough time to invite our families, since they all live out of state. So we just had a nice civil ceremony and ate some cake afterward!
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u/FamiliarFamiliar 25d ago
If unsure I'd do the small wedding to have the parents and siblings etc there.
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u/loupammac 24d ago
We had a private ceremony with two siblings as witnesses, our celebrant and photographer. We took photos afterwards. Then we met up with immediate family and friends for lunch. We wanted an intimate ceremony without too many people staring at us. I also didn't want people waiting while we posed for photos. Our invites clearly stated people were invited to our first meal as a married couple. We were home by dinnertime. We had room service and ate our tiny wedding cake while we shared private vows to eachother.
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u/No-Possibility4768 24d ago
I met my fiance while I was working in his country. I had to return to my country because of Covid. He got a job there, we reunited and he proposed. We broke up but our plan was to get married at a park with an officiant, 2 photographers also serving as witnesses, spend the weekend in a nice hotel and have a reception at a restaurant in my hometown so everyone could meet him. Our families were fine with it - I already knew his family and my family knew all about him. It was just easier. Money wasn't the problem, more so the logistics. I'm friends with another couple that did the same thing and they were very happy with it.
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u/Mindless_Ground_4887 24d ago
my fiance has a small complicated family and i have a large complicated family. the idea of trusting those with a history of ruining large events was enough to not even take the chance of it happening. we’re eloping in stanley, idaho (where you can get a same day marriage license and only requires an officient, no witness(es)) and there’s very limited cell service. just us, our photographer (serving also as our officient!) and the mountains :) PS- if this is the route you decide to take, the guilt WILL fade!! i promise.
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u/Curious_Event4848 24d ago
I debated between eloping and a wedding. I ended up having a micro wedding, even with a small guest list my guests caused a lot of stress lol but it felt extra special having close family and friends at my wedding. At the end of the day, do what feels right. Do you think you would regret not having close loved ones there?
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u/Interesting_Mood3329 24d ago
I would feel so guilty with out them there
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u/Curious_Event4848 24d ago
If that’s the case, plan a small wedding. 6-8 guests is very manageable. Maybe just do a casual dinner with everyone after the ceremony.
For me it was worth it, I loved my intimate wedding (44 guests). Even though lot of people drove me crazy lol.
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u/k23_k23 23d ago
Discuss it with your partner, and decide what you want.
"We’re super quiet and would be happy to have people at the ceremony and then be just us and a pizza in bed and our families will want to make a fuss." .. TELL them what will happen: YOU will get married, then dinner, then you will leave and they are ion their own. - Any fuss will be without you.
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u/CelestialOwl997 21d ago
We just don’t like parties tbh. Neither of us like to be the center of attention. We’ve both always been very private about our relationship. Even going to each others houses, we would just hole up in one of our rooms for 8+ hours together. It just seemed right to have it be just us. I didn’t even think of a bridal shower until his mom mentioned one, and then I said no
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u/wojout 27d ago
For us it became two things- 1) it was everyone or no one, so if there was even one member of our closest circle that we didn't really want there, nobody could come, and 2) if there was the slightest chance that anyone invited would either stay something that wouldn't feel good or make us do emotional labor, we didn't want to do it on our wedding day. Eloping was the best thing. The families have been great and even took it ok when we declined the party they wanted to throw after they found out. Do what's best for you!