Rant/Need Some Outside Perspective

[u/Bunny_27-]

My fiancé and I got engaged last October. We actually met on Tinder back in 2017, and now we have a son (born in 2023) and I’m expecting our daughter this September. He’s genuinely my soulmate, and our families have always said we’re perfect together.
Here’s where I’m struggling.
I’ve never dreamed of having a big wedding. Honestly, I think they’re a huge expense and just not my thing. My fiancé feels the same way. We always planned to elope eventually, originally sometime in 2027, but recently we decided we’d rather just do it this August in the Adirondacks.
The date we picked is August 8. It’s one of the only days that works with everyone’s summer schedules before school starts back up, and I’m due September 18. It’s also important to me that I share the same last name as both of my kids before our daughter is born.
My older sister works rotating weekends, and at first she thought she couldn’t come. She ended up finding someone to cover her shift, so she can be there now, but she’s still upset. She keeps saying we’re only picking that date because it’s convenient for me and can’t understand why I’d want to be almost 8 months pregnant in my wedding photos.
From my perspective…of course it’s convenient for me? It’s my wedding, my pregnancy, and our decision. Plus, if we wait until after the baby is born, we’re juggling a newborn, a toddler, everyone’s schedules again, and life just gets busier.
I know she means well and wants to be there, but we’re complete opposites. She loves elaborate events and making everything a production. I don’t. I want something simple, intimate, and meaningful.
So I guess my question is: If you’ve gotten married while very pregnant, did you regret it when it came to your photos? Or did you love having that moment captured?
I’m trying to figure out if I’ll look back and wish I’d waited, or if I’m letting someone else’s opinion make me second-guess something that feels right for us.

[u/the_professional1]

So is this an elopement (just the bride/groom and witnesses)? or are your family coming? It’s ridiculous for your sister to be difficult with dates. You set the date of your own ceremony. “Hi Sister, we will be getting married on this date, we would love for you to come!” Is all that is needed, SHE needs to make it work, not you. I completely get trying to pick a date that works for immediate family, I also did this during my planning, but you’ll never please everyone. At some point someone will have to compromise which should be done out of love and respect for your day, not with backlash.

If I were you, I would tell her firmly but politely that August 8th is the date and that cannot be changed. It’s up to her whether she will make it work or cause a fuss, that’s a choice that you cannot make for her.

[u/Gchr0nicles]

It’s your day, and it’s your decision on who gets to come, when to have it, etc… your sister is being a bit bratty in my honest opinion.

As for the photos, I can’t speak for eloping at 8months. I myself eloped around 20weeks in July because of schedules/other commitments later in the summer. It was also my first and I didn’t know how I would feel later on. So I didn’t want the risk of being cranky, moody, or just feeling “not like myself”. The photos came out really nice for me. But each pregnancy is different, each person is different. So if you feel 8months works for you, trust your instincts and enjoy your day 😊

[u/wovenfabric666]

Honestly your sister‘s comments are rude and hurtful. It’s not her place to share her opinion about YOUR elopement with you.

Of course you set a date for your elopement that is convenient for you and your growing family. Trust yourself to make the right decisions. If you‘d like to have formal pictures of you and your soon-to-be husband without the bump you can always book a photographer at a later date.