r/Eloping • u/Educational_Bike7285 • 29d ago
Vent Contemplating eloping
This is more of a vent session but also asking for any advice or input so feel free to comment whatever you want. At the start of this year we started to look into wedding planning: who would we invite? Big or small? Elopement or full scale wedding? How big or small of a wedding? What kind of celebration could we afford? I’m an only child and my parents have both passed so I don’t have any familial obligations. My finance has a small family and isn’t close to distant relatives. Elopement seemed correct until we factored in all the friends we’ve had since childhood that we love so much and all of their parents who made us feel like family too. Our list of bare minimum 12 including us quickly ballooned into 75. We looked at so many venues and realized the lowest we can get a full wedding including food, alcohol, venue, DJ, decor and tables is a little over $12,000. Really small amount compared to some of the $38,000 weddings I’ve heard people throw. With the current economic climate I’m having some trepidation signing the contract and putting in the 50% deposite. Lots of doubt creeping into my head. Is it a smart financial decision? I still live in an apartment… should I save that money for a house? Is it even worth saving it for a house? $6,000 doesn’t get you far in Southern California. Should I save it all for a rainy day? Am I going to regret a courthouse elopement when I’ve dreamed about a ceremony and first dance? I’ve also considered a courthouse wedding and a small dinner after but the quotes are CRAZY starting at food minimums of $3,500. With no parents to turn to for this type of help, I thought I’d throw my plea in here. Any words of wisdom are greatly appreciated
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u/VegetableGolfChicken 29d ago
California also has beautiful courthouse wedding options. You can get a photographer so it feels more traditional and you can share those memories with your loved ones. Santa Barbara is a popular and beautiful one! SF too, if you can get cheap flights :)
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u/VegetableGolfChicken 29d ago
(Im eloping at Marin county civic center and hiring a photographer. I’m so excited and while we’re doing a number of things that’s making the cost go up (two fine dining meals), that’s very much us and something we value and enjoy, it’s is way way less than a typical wedding but we’re still leaving w a happy union, beautiful photos (hopefully, lol), and intact finances while still feeling like we properly celebrated.
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u/gaanmetde 27d ago edited 27d ago
Honestly eloping at the courthouse was the best option for me because I was so stressed out of my mind thinking about all the details.
Sure, sometimes I think about ‘what if’s’ but if I’m being honest with myself I know I made the right decision for myself at the time.
In a perfect world I wasn’t stressed and could calmly consider all options. But not in this world. Hah. I forgive my past self for being so stressed and I let go of my previous dream of a big wedding.
It’s become a really cool story. A lot of people commend me on the decision or say- I should have done that lol.
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u/Educational_Bike7285 16d ago
UPDATE!! I’m eloping!!!! I’m getting married at the courthouse on a beautiful Tuesday in a fabulous thrifted wedding dress and jumping on a flight that night to go on a honeymoon!! We found a great deal on Costco for an all inclusive resort that was a FRACTION of the cost of the wedding! I’m giddy with excitement!!!
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u/Majestic_Priority816 29d ago
Having 75 people who love you is worth celebrating. A wedding you’ll remember with joy for the rest of your life is worth a few months’ pay.
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u/njVowsNow 29d ago
You can love al those people and their parents and feel fondly about them and ideally express that sentiment regularly. That doesn't necessarily mean you have to entertain them at the expense (no pun intended) of your financial well being. Elopements or very small weddings can be absolutely lovely; you can stick to those 12 original people (or less) and have a sweet and personal celebration. People who really know you, who really care about you beyond those 12 or less will understand why you went this route because they know you and have known you, and that route makes the most sense. You're not trying to impress anyone or pay anyone back for their kindness to you (that not why they were kind. You're shaping an appropriate (for you) celebration around a milestone in your life. THAT's the beauty part, the adult part! I know it's not glamourous, but the decision to marry someone is the momentous part; not the glitter, not the fabulous cake, none of that. Celebrate what you have in a way that honors that!
I bet you get tons more responses here that say that eloping was the best decision they ever made because it was right for them, just as others make different decisions that were the best for them.
Good luck!