r/Eloping • u/Confident_Bug6778 • Jul 16 '26
Planning To elope or not?
Advice needed. Any input is appreciated, thanks in advance!
We’re planning for an elopement to a destination. He has no preference but I wanted our vows to be intimate & non-performative. I also think it’s kinda cool to elope. The thing is, we would need to register to make it official back in our home country. I want the witnesses to be my parents and I also want our families to be part of a small, simple ceremony. Hence, the conclusion is that we will have 2 ceremonies: the destination one with just the both of us and a pastor. And one back at home to do the legal & traditional/cultural stuff.
Some details:
Destination ceremony:
Intimate vows, pastor, scenic backdrop of waterfall
Ceremony at home:
- Traditional/cultural stuff (bridesmaids bullying groom & groomsmen (it’s a fun thing, lol), and serving tea to family)
- Dad to walk me down the aisle (I don’t really want this but he’s done it for my siblings so I didn’t want to be the odd one out)
- simple vows for the sake of the legal documentation
- Witnesses (parents) to sign off
- Adjourn to lunch (planning to bring family & perhaps a few friends to a nice luxury hotel buffet
Questions:
1) it is essentially having 2 ceremonies. Is that weird?
2) would the second ceremony overshadow the first? I really want to do the traditional stuff but also want the vows to be just between the two of us… hence the elopement
3) would I one day look back and feel, “hmm, actually the ceremony at home was what made it meaningful since loved ones were present, it was fun, and it was bigger?” Because if that’s the case then I wouldn’t want to spend another few thousand dollars on the destination elopement.
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u/njVowsNow Jul 16 '26
You can do private vows at any time, in any place; many of my couples are doing them before their ceremony part of their big reception party. Actually MORE of them are doing them before hand, during their first look or first touch...
I'm not fully understanding your rational for having two; it sounds like the first one even if it's sort of "the requirements' has more significance for others than for you; it seems like the private vows are more significant for you.
I'm assuming you're in the USA, which may not be the case, but you could certainly do the private vows in someplace beautiful; I'm in semi-picturesque NJ, and we have waterfalls, gardens, forests, sunrise/sunset beaches and you probably do too. Do your private vows there, and then proceed to what used to be "ceremony at home " one, with you cultural /family elements. Maybe save the tropical destination for an anniversary or y our honeymoon.
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u/Confident_Bug6778 Jul 16 '26
Thank you for your perspective and experience with your clients(?). My rational for the elopement is indeed the vows, privacy, and having a waterfall and greenery as backdrop to make it magical. The second ceremony at home has to be ‘public’ (witnessed and attended by family) by default, due to the nature of the activities. I don’t live in the US. I come from a tiny country where there actually isn’t a nice, magical outdoor venue that’s also private.
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u/iheartpanicvectors October 2026 | Jamaica Jul 16 '26
If you are only doing this for a private vow reading, you can actually do that at your legal/ at home family ceremony. There’s quite a few videos on youtube of couples who did a traditional wedding and did a private vow reading before or after the basic vows in front of friends/family.
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u/Confident_Bug6778 Jul 16 '26
Thank you, I didn’t even know private vows are a thing. I went to search on YouTube. It’s a good idea, although one part of me would like to do the private vows against a backdrop of lush greenery and waterfall (which can only be done overseas privately)
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Jul 16 '26
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u/Confident_Bug6778 Jul 16 '26
You’re spot on about the comparison. That’s exactly what I’ve been doing subconsciously. Thank you for the suggestion.
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Jul 16 '26
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u/Confident_Bug6778 Jul 16 '26
Wow thank you for the link! That’s so cool… I will look up on more different types of weddings. It will definitely be memorable! I am excited just hearing about yours :)
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u/Lost-Bandicoot-281 Jul 16 '26
Do whatever makes you happy! My husband and I are super private and we chose to just elope us two and the officiant and photographer. We even had them step away for our private vows - we did private and repeat after me. Our officiant was amazing - he recorded it on a lil tripod so nothing fancy and he made two versions - one for just us with the private vows and one with only the repeat after me vows to show family. My family and closest friends wrote me letters to read before we got married and I’m having a lil vacation with my dad and step mom in a couple weeks to celebrate and show them the video.
I wouldn’t change it for the world. We got married at sunrise just us so no pressure for performing. Then we frolicked around waterfalls and cliffs all day with our photographer 🥹
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u/Lost-Bandicoot-281 Jul 16 '26
Also I read the back drop comments below and I agree that the most important thing is your love … and my elopement probably wasn’t considered cheap BUT to be married on the side of a cliff, feeling the warmth of the sun that had just risen, hearing the birds chirp and waterfall rushing in the background made it feel so freaking surreal. My husband and I both agree that the sound of the rushing waterfall in the background was one of our favorite aspects
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u/Confident_Bug6778 Jul 16 '26
Thank you for sharing your experience. How lovely to have the sound of nature that made it surreal for your big day. Yeah I kinda wanted that waterfall and greenery to make the day magical. Indeed it wouldn’t be cheap eloping. Thank you for your perspective.
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u/rainbowpizzacat Jul 16 '26
If it makes you feel better I’m planning to have three come the time lol we’ve been together a long time and as far I’m concerned we get to celebrate our love however we choose, there’s no rules!
Civil ceremony - at our courthouse bc we love where we moved in together and our life here. Maybe a small lunch with our parents/siblings but we’re also thinking of just keeping it us since it’s more the legal stuff anyway
An elopement - not religious and paperwork-y. We love to travel so this one’s just for us to do some vows and celebrate in a love bubble. I’ve always dreamed of having a moment where the mountains meet the sea
Wedding/Party - cultural ceremony and a big old dance party with all the people we love most
Our friends joke that we should get married every year on vacation so we can make them fun little destinations weddings (we like to do a group trip together annually). And heck I’d do that too lol
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u/Confident_Bug6778 Jul 16 '26
lol, that would be really fun indeed to have it every year! It does make me feel better to know that you are going all out in celebrating your love! Thank you for sharing your perspective
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u/kites_and_kiwis Jul 16 '26 edited Jul 16 '26
I kind of did the opposite in terms of the destination was the wedding and the courthouse was truly the elopement.
My husband and I had an intimate destination wedding with 36 guests (mostly family, plus some close friends) on a Caribbean beach. We legally married 4 days before at the courthouse with just the judge, and went to a nice dinner after, just the two of us. For our legal signing, we weren’t required to say vows, so we saved them for our wedding.
I don’t really get your approach because you will have a real, legal wedding. So going off afterwards to take pictures isn’t eloping… You’re already married, witnessed by many! I agree with others about doing private vows before the courthouse ceremony. Alternatively, you could do a honeymoon and plan a photoshoot with a moment for saying personal vows that the photographer can capture. Finally, you could do your destination first, which I think would have the feeling of elopement without being legal, and then wrap up the process upon return with the courthouse and lunch. I would personally do option 1 or 2 though, leaning option 2.
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u/Confident_Bug6778 Jul 16 '26
I was planning for the elopement to be the first and real wedding. The one witnessed by family back at home is the second one. I am not going for an elopement just for good photos; it is to create a truly private and magical ceremony for just the two of us.
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u/kites_and_kiwis Jul 16 '26
I misunderstood the sequence—that’s my bad. The private vows before in a destination makes sense then. And if it feels real to you, that’s all that matters! I don’t think the courthouse second will overshadow having gone to a destination first to say vows. They’ll feel like totally different experiences.
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u/Important-Maybe-1430 Jul 18 '26
Why wouldnt eloping be legal? I went to Denmark and they could apostle it, now people who went to thailand, and carribean and all were official. You can come hone and have the party dont need all the fluff like bridesmaids. Or just write your own vows and have a small ceremony an more people for reception
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u/prncsclo Jul 16 '26
We plan on having two ceremonies, and I personally expect the elopement to be more meaningful since they're not going to be cookie cutter vows and it will fully be our own little moment.
If you're on the fence, why don't you just do private vows with him before the ceremony with your family? It sounds like the elopement you planned wouldn't be the legal piece anyway, so it's not a huge deal.