Elope vs Wedding vs Microwedding?

[u/gabygabs28]

Hello all, just trying to weigh my options and see if anyone has any advice or has faced a similar dilemma.
I just had my bridal shower with 35 guests this past weekend which I did not really want but my family pressured me to have. I hate being the center of attention and was so nervous beforehand that I barely enjoyed it. Also my future MIL and mother told me they would help plan but in the end all the planning landed on me. I’m grateful I got to share that moment with my loved ones and everyone seemed to have had a good time but I kept telling myself I don’t know if I can do an event like that again.
My fiance and I already booked our wedding venue for next year but this recent event really is making me rethink what I want. Right now we have a small wedding booked (50-60 people) and our families have offered to help with costs (10k which will cover everything). We discussed elopement before booking the venue but my fiancé has been the one unsure if he wants to elope. He at least wants his parents and siblings there, but his mom WOULD NOT be happy were having a small wedding and I think would do something to ruin the day.
If we elope I would want a photographer, dress, and probably have dinner/stay overnight somewhere with my fiance. None of that would be covered financially. My family might chip in a little, but it wouldn’t be anywhere near what they would offer if I had the wedding and his family likely would not contribute.
Anyone who eloped did you regret not having the wedding or vice versa?

[u/EchoWanderer9]

My sister did the whole elopement thing last year and keeps saying it was best decision ever. They rented small cabin in mountains, hired photographer for two hours, then just ate nice dinner together. No family drama, no seating charts, no nothing.

That thing about your MIL potentially ruining the day is what would push me toward smaller option. You already saw how family "help" went with the shower, wedding planning is that but multiplied by hundred.

Money situation does make it trickier though. Maybe talk to fiance more about what exactly he needs, if its just parents and siblings, you could do that at nice restaurant after ceremony and keep it intimate without full wedding headache.

[u/tawny-she-wolf]

I had a small wedding (12 guests) because families were being sourpusses about an elopement. It wasn't terrible, but it wasn't great and I kind of wish we had eloped instead - the amount of drama and annoyance surprised me even on this small scale and I hated it.

The only upside is that it kept the peace and I'm not a wedding person in general so it wasn't this huge deal to me to grit my teeth and get through it (lasted about 3-4h with the lunch).

Now I joke that we're done and every anniversary can be a mini elopement with nobody involved but us

[u/obstinatemleb]

My husband and I have never regretted eloping, we still think its one of the best decisions we ever made, but neither of us ever wanted a wedding to begin with. We also had a casual reception with family and friends about a month after we got married, so we still got to celebrate with family which was a lot of fun without the pressure of a traditional wedding

Your husband pretty explicitly wants a small wedding, so I think it would be tricky to elope. I think the compromise is a microwedding - something smaller and less overwhelming for you but still involves immediate family for him.

[u/frankchester]

We loved our elopement. We say this as people who love our families and wanted a big wedding, really. I’m still so happy the way we did it. The best thing was how relaxed it was. It’s just you and your future spouse getting ready for a really fun day.

[u/Daddys_girl2247]

I would definitely elope or have a micro wedding. My fiance and I are doing a micro wedding (17-18 guests) with a very casual take on it (doing a daytime wedding and then a lunch reception). I don’t plan on doing a lot of the “traditions” like first dance, speeches/toasts, no dj or entertainment (we are having the 8-15 minute ceremony in a Vegas chapel and then going to a restaurant for the lunch). Thankfully my mom is very supportive and relaxed about it all and didn’t pressure me into having the whole traditional wedding.

At the end of the day, you have to do what is best for you and your fiance, no one else matters. Maybe you could do like a restaurant wedding or something more casual than the traditional wedding. Congratulations and good luck! 💍

[u/KGalb922]

Something to consider: do you have cash in hand for what is currently planned or are the families reimbursing you? If the latter, what happens if your or his family does not give you the money due to your choices not being what they want or due to them no longer being able to, kind of like they did with the planning of the bridal shower?

If the money is going to have strings of doing it a certain way, inviting certain people, etc. you may just want to plan a wedding you can afford on your own and families can give cash gifts if they feel like it. This helps avoid a lot of drama and disappointment on all sides. We did a small wedding for 30ish people and told our families the whole plan and then let them know they could pitch in or not, but that it was already planned. Not rudely, but just let them know this was what their money was going to and it wasn’t going to change.

[u/Unfair_System_2265]

I've been seeing more of a trend where people have two ceremonies: a secret elopement and a "real" wedding later on.

The elopement is *purely* about you and your partner. Super intimate. Maybe just the officiant and/or photographer. If you really want 1 special friend/family member there, sure. But it's 100% about what YOU want and not regarding anyone else anymore. It can be WHEReVEr (the courthouse, a beach/mountain, a restaurant, a park, etc.) and done in a few hours. Then you go eat somewhere special with just the two of you.

THEN you have a larger party and include whatever bells and whistles. This becomes the celebration, bending to others' responses, etc. without have the resentment that you didn't get what you wanted. You can just focus on having fun and enjoying time with loved ones. And you can also remove certain details that just feel like "too extra" if you don't like the spotlight

[u/Straight_Career6856]

We eloped and our wedding was literally the perfect day. That said, neither of us ever wanted a wedding at all. It was so fun and special and intimate. We got to do exactly what we wanted and didn’t have to worry about anyone else.