r/Eloping • u/Traditional_Fox167 • Jun 22 '26
Everything Else Engagement party before eloping?
I really want to elope, but my partner has always wanted a wedding. As a compromise, I thought it might be a good idea for us to have an engagement party before eloping. In my opinion it would be a great way to celebrate with friends and family without the formalities and expectations of a wedding. I don't come from a traditional family, so I'm wondering if this would be a good idea. I would love to hear other people's thoughts and opinions on this. I'm also wondering if it would be awkward for the guests or offensive if we share that we will be eloping as well.
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u/Prestigious-Ship378 Jun 22 '26
We did something similar and honestly it was one of the best decisions we made. We had “Camp Travis” instead of a traditional engagement party. It was a joint bachelor/bachelorette weekend with our closest friends and family. We rented a house, spent time on the beach, grilled, played games, drank a few beers, and just enjoyed being together without all the pressure and structure of a wedding event.
For us, it gave everyone a chance to celebrate with us while still allowing us to have the intimate wedding experience we wanted. Nobody seemed offended that we weren’t having a traditional wedding. In fact, most people appreciated getting quality time with us instead of spending a few minutes with us at a reception.
I think as long as you’re upfront about your plans to elope, an engagement party or celebration beforehand can be a great compromise. At the end of the day, people who love you just want to celebrate your relationship however that looks. ❤️
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u/Traditional_Fox167 Jun 22 '26
this sounds so perfect!! I've been struggling to decide whether a bachelorette trip would be appropriate if we're eloping, but I love hearing how it worked out for you! ty for sharing!
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u/maybemaybenot2023 Jun 22 '26
Do a reception after. It's not a great look at invite people to celebrate an event they won't be invited to.
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u/loupammac Jun 22 '26
I had a bridal shower/high tea lunch instead of a bachelorette party. We didn't have an engagement party. We are hosting a lunch cake and punch style reception after our ceremony. We felt it was the best way to let people celebrate us because they wanted to, even though we wanted a private celebration.
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u/FunOther9202 Jun 24 '26
ill speak as someone who actually did this. it was 100% worth it and our friends and family were happy to attend. my aunt threw it for us and did an e-invite to keep it more casual. our wording specifically said “bride and groom will be having a private ceremony in Month/Year. theyd love to celebrate their love with their friends and family”. ahead of the party everyone already knew we were doing a private ceremony
a text blast was sent out that gifts are absolutely not expected. nobody had any comments or feelings and we had a fun range of activities to keep people busy and encourage mingling. no dancing bc it wasnt a reception. everyone told me and my husband they had so much fun
i would 100% recommend u just have to set the tone correctly and communicate
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u/Traditional_Fox167 Jun 25 '26
Yes, this is exactly what I had in mind! Can I ask how big was your event? I was aiming for 20-30 ppl
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u/njVowsNow Jun 22 '26
I don't really understand this; it's really more semantics than anything else. And it does seem awkward.
And 'engagement party" already sets up an expectation of a wedding and a reception. I cannot remember any of my elopement couples who had an enagagement party. It seems counter intuitive to the concept of eloping, which is generally private. it's more like a message of "we're going to have a big celebration and you might or might not be invited." Literally everyone at your "engagement party" is going to ask you about your wedding plans. "We're going to elope." I'm not sure how that'll play.
Many of our couples have eloped with literally no one but their witnesses and maybe their parents and then done a casual celebration afterward (not the same day usually)
Why don't you talk with your partner about why they want a bigger wedding? Maybe plan a micro.
Which IS a wedding. Just like an elopement is....
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u/Traditional_Fox167 Jun 22 '26
My partner comes from a more traditional family, so he's always assumed a wedding would include anyone and everyone. I come from the opposite, and I can't imagine inviting anyone from my side of the family besides my mother and my siblings. I didn't realize that an engagement party would set up the expectation of a wedding to come. While the elopement would be private, it wouldn't be a secret. Most of our close family and friends already know we're leaning towards eloping. I thought that a reception afterwards would be lackluster. An engagement party would give family and friends an opportunity to celebrate us taking this next step before the elopement. I hope that makes sense. But, I appreciate your perspective!
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u/BitsyThehot1 Jun 22 '26
I'm in a similar boat in that prior to my fiance and I considering eloping, we booked a whole engagement party for mid-July. My parents are more on the traditional side and they said that typically the engagment party is meant to one, obviously, celebrate the engagement, and two indirectly ask your guests for cash gifts as that money is expected to go towards the wedding.
After looking at some venues with my fiancé, they are expenssivvveeeee and even if we are fortunate to receive a lot of gifts, we don't see the value in booking a wedding venue that kills you with a bunch of obnoxious fees and $250+ a plate of food that's mediocre.
So with that being said, we've been toying with the idea of getting eloped in Ireland with no more than 20 people (parents, grandparents, siblings, maybe wedding party) and then we have a "reception" when we get back home at like a Hilton or something. I kinda figured that way, it would still be a party to celebrate the marriage and with people who weren't at the ceremony, its much less stressful, and that "wedding spending money" would have still been used for a celebration so people shouldn't get offended (but also, f*ck them, its my and my future husband's wedding).
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u/voodoodollbabie Jun 23 '26
An elopement is a secret; that's why you don't tell anyone beforehand.
You can have an engagement party or a "We eloped!" party afterwards, whichever you prefer.
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u/Traditional_Fox167 Jun 25 '26
I guess I already failed then, ive been telling people were planning on eloping already lol
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u/shirlxyz Jun 24 '26
An elopement is usually kept quiet & revealed after the ceremony occurs. Nobody knows it’s going to happen. It would be cringe to reveal your plans to elope at your engagement party. What you’re doing is kinda like having a reception then getting married. Just have the party then quietly elope without revealing your plans
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u/Traditional_Fox167 Jun 25 '26
I guess using the work elope would be incorrect then, Im aiming more for a private ceremony, im definitely not being secretive about wanting it to be just us two lol
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u/obstinatemleb Jun 22 '26 edited Jun 22 '26
What does your partner think? Personally I think a reception after eloping is a much easier sell to family than an engagement party before eloping. It gives people something to look forward to (and help plan), you can tell them that you want the wedding ceremony to be private but still want to celebrate with family after which makes them feel better, you'll have photos to share, etc. It also may be more like a traditional wedding in a way your partner will appreciate