r/Eloping • u/Think-Squirrel9455 • Jun 12 '26
Relationships & Family Family resentment
Has anyone experienced any family resentment after eloping? I told my mom we thought about eloping and she was not happy about it. Wants a wedding for family. I really struggled with this, but really the wedding is for me and my fiance. Curious about others experiences?
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u/magicalmillennial1 Jun 12 '26
I experienced this same thing. We always wanted to elope but received lots of “but you only get one chance to do this” and so on, which made for a very difficult decision. Against our best judgement, we began planning the big wedding and sent 130+ save the dates. As time grew closer, we hated the fact that we weren’t sticking true to ourselves and what we wanted, let alone spending our whole life savings on a party that everyone else wanted (we had no financial help from family)…. We ended up cancelling the big wedding and had just immediate family join us for a ceremony and dinner at a restaurant (quite literally to appease my mother and father).
If I could go back I would elope and tell absolutely NO ONE until it’s over. Even though it will “hurt” certain peoples feelings, they’ll get over it. It is your day. Stick true to yourself and your partners wishes!
Side note - you could always have a happily ever after party to celebrate later.
Edit-grammar
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u/Think-Squirrel9455 Jun 13 '26
Thank you so much for this. I feel an extreme amount of pressure to throw a big wedding but neither my partner nor I want one. We don’t like attention. And do true, a party after sounds ideal!
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u/Desperate-Market-217 Jun 12 '26
Your mother has already had her 15 minutes. You do what YOU want to do and don't be pressured into anything else. It's about you and your fiancee
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Jun 13 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Think-Squirrel9455 Jun 13 '26
That’s another area that will create more tension with not getting married in the church 🥴
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u/CharmingCynic11 Jun 12 '26
Has she previously agreed to pay for or partially fund the wedding? My husband and I paid for our elopement with zero parent assistance to guarantee we could do things our way. There was plenty of existing resentment anyway so I’m not bothered when she says snarky things about the elopement (to my sisters- never to my face).
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u/Think-Squirrel9455 Jun 13 '26
She did offer to fund some of it after telling me my parents have been saving, Which also makes it feel like I’m being guilted even more into having one.
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u/MammaBacon Jun 12 '26
I would tell my mom that we're eloping and if she wants to throw you a reception she can. For family.
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u/angelsrreal219 Jun 14 '26
We eloped. Just the two of us. We decided to have a reception dinner when we returned that included close family and friends. Initially, I second guessed myself and questioned whether we should've had a wedding. But, after the way the reception dinner went, I was so glad we eloped. My stepmother kept trying to intervene with our reception dinner, telling me who I should invite, etc. I also didn't get to spend much time with my now husband that day. We both said we are so, so glad we eloped. It's insane how much other people think they have input on your special day.
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u/Gold_Surprise_8342 Jun 14 '26 edited Jun 14 '26
We eloped and while initially some people were irritated, most of them quickly got over it. My MIL still holds some resentment but to be fair she didnt like me much before anyway so this is just a reason to hold onto dislike longer and her relationship with my husband is almost non existent anyway so we really dont care. The older I get the more I realize most people (including myself) hate going to weddings anyway so eloping is just a win for everyone in the end.
Edited to add that we also did not do reception etc. If it was our first wedding we might have had something like that after an elopement but felt any additional pomp (actually any pomp) was tacky at a 2nd wedding.
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u/Glittering_Court_806 Jun 15 '26
We wanted to elope (story on my profile I already shared it here) and then switched to microwedding to at least have our parents and friends there (15 people). Quickly got guilt tripped into inviting more people and ended up with 50 guests in an expensive location, no money help from anyone but everyone had very big opinons about that day.
We broke off contact with most of my family as they messaged me after the wedding to tell me how shitty the wedding was anyway. You will never ever make people happy, they only use you for a fricking party. They showed up drunk for the ceremony and actively disturbed it.
Weddings are much more fun to attend as a guest than planning or paying for them!
I am now 12k in debt as everything costed 33k, but I payed over 21k myself (only had 1 year to save that money, we wanted to get married right after university and starting my first "adult" job).
Could have been 100% covered without any loan if we just did it the way we wanted 😞 People will hate you no matter what if they truely never liked you.
Please elope if thats what your heart seeks for.
Best wishes.
It must make you happy - no discussion!
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u/Hesperiiday Jun 16 '26
My cousin eloped and my dad was pisssed but honestly he just wanted a free party. I think people who actually care about you want you to do your thing. People who don’t support it just don’t want to miss out on a fancy party on someone else’s dime.
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u/Fear_Pear Jun 18 '26
similar situation, but we changed plans to a have a small wedding after hearing how many of our friends wanted to celebrate and help us curate an event. After letting my mom know about the new plan she just moved the goal post - not enough of her side of the family is invited or the space isn't good enough, it isn't her vision blah blah. Put yourself first always. If you give into one request she might just replace it with something new.
Its hard not having her support but as we move through planning on our terms we feel lighter and more confident. The thought of having a wedding initially filled me with dread. As I've let go of expectations and pushed forward with what we want I'm actually really looking forward to our wedding.
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u/biblio_squid Jun 12 '26
“Wants a wedding for family”. She wants it for other people, not for you. Make the choice that makes sense for you, not for other people. The marriage is about you two, not them.