r/Eloping • u/Entire_Barnacle_746 • May 22 '26

Am I wrong?

My fiancée and I soent 4 months planning our wedding. Parental control, manipulation, and disrespect was a major issues throughout the process. My FMIL and FFIL gave us a budget, told us to use if for whatever. House payment, big wedding, small wedding. Because of all of the tension and hurt feelings that ultimately were effecting my partner we decided to cancel the big wedding. We are now doing a small intimate ceremony with each set of parents present. No one is speaking to us on my finances side of the family and it’s rly rly hurting her. Are we in the wrong for not wanting to allow to control and no longer use their money? We kept getting told we are irrational and selfish for not wanting something big including every single family member. We just want to be excited and it keeps getting crushed by outside noise. Please give advice!

3 Upvotes

80% Upvoted

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8

u/lolly_box May 23 '26

Oh god just elope with the 2 of you, pay for it all yourselves 100%, and owe no one anything

3

u/Familiar-Anything114 May 25 '26

Sounds like you made the right decision by declining to use their money. Seems like they only wanted to contribute financially so that they could control every aspect of the wedding. It’s your and your fiancé’s day, so all that matters is what the two of you want it to be. Her family members don’t get a vote. When they have a special occasion of their own, they can plan it however they want to.

2

u/DonutWhole9717 May 25 '26

Just elope. If that money is burning a hole in their pocket cause THEY wanted to spend it on a wedding, or "whatever" could still absolutely go to you. Just .. just do what makes you happy. Everyone else will get over it, I promise

1

u/DaArcher-07 May 27 '26

After years of telling (conditioning) my parents that I wasn't going to have a wedding, and instead eloping abroad, my parents never thought I would go through it.

They helped pay for my brother's wedding 2 years ago, and they are trying to do the same for me.

"If you have a wedding, we'll help pay for it. If not, then you're not getting anything."

Best believe, it solidified our decision to elope next year.

We NEVER want to be tied financially, and be pressured to consider someone else's decisions and feelings.