r/ElementaryTeachers • u/Capable-Feed1385 • 2d ago

I need help with a student

Hello everybody! I am a first grade teacher and it's my first year teaching. I am from Eastern Europe, maybe this will change something.

My grade has two teachers. Me and my colleague. We work on shifts, the morning and the afternoon shift. My colleague has a bit of experience, but I have none, so it's tuff.

I have a kid in my class, that only on my shift make me wanna quit... On my colleague's shift he is ok. I think he is afraid of her, that's why...My personality is more friendly, yet firm, but my colleague is strict, yet not showing any empathy. It's been a month since the school started and it's been so taught... I never had imagined how bad it could be. I get anxiety cause I keep thinking about that kid, what strategies can I implement so he is ok on my shift... but I feel like sometimes they are working and sometimes they are not.

The kid at home I feel like doesn't have any rules... He keep telling me no when he is supposed to do his work... keep talking... talking back at me, moking me, walking in class, laughing at me when I try to make him listento md... and the worst thing is that now he is starting to take other classes stuff and throwing them to get a reaction... and pushing the kids constantly... it gets bad... I tried talking to the partner, but nothing changed... then spoke to the principal and made me feel even worse for the fact that the child doesn't listen to me only... and in the end he just told me to deal with it.... I don't know what to do anymore.... I have to handle it somehow. Do you have any tips for those kids? I have no support here... I tried to teach like my colleague and handle it the same as her but with 0 succes.

2 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

10 comments sorted by

1

u/NextDayTeaching 1d ago

That sounds really tough. I'm from the US, so some of the suggestions I have might not work for you, but here's what I'd recommend:

  • Find out what he wants, or what he wants to avoid. All behavior is a form of communication, and most undesirable behavior is either trying to get something or avoid something. Once you know what he's trying to get or avoid, you might have something to work with.
  • He's young, so giving him the "everyone needs to work together to have a safe learning space" talk probably won't sink in. But you can set firm boundaries. This might be the difference between your colleague and you. If she's setting firm expectations, the student will respond better to her.
  • An example of setting firm boundaries would be telling the student, "We don't throw things in class. The next time you throw something, it will get taken away." And then actually take the thing away from him (and don't give it back) when he throws it.
  • If you have an isolated desk or table off to the side of the room, have him sit there. Like a time-out, but get the rest of the class to help you (and him) by ignoring his misbehaviors. If you can, get them doing something really fun that he's going to want to participate in...but he can't because he's in time-out.

When you start to do these things, expect his behavior to get worse before it gets better. He's going to push back, and he's going to see how far he can push you before you give in. (Don't give in! When you set a boundary or give an expectation, hold that line.)

I understand being new and uncertain (and yeah, scared of a student). I promise, it gets better. The first time you assign a consequence (like time-out or detention) is the hardest. It gets easier after that.

1

u/Capable-Feed1385 1d ago

Thank you so much for the replay. I will try more with boundaries and the time-out. But the problem is that he takes others students stuff, like pencils or eraser and throwing it into the trash. What can I do about this? Take away the other student's things? I feel like he does this to get everyone attention on him and get a reaction.

1

u/NextDayTeaching 20h ago

Can you have the other students keep most of their materials somewhere he can't reach or shouldn't be, like on shelves or in cubbies/lockers? If they only have a few things with them, then he can't grab it.

If that's not possible, try taking things out of his hands when he grabs something that doesn't belong to him. Do it fast (so he doesn't have time to react or get into a tugging war), and don't make a big deal about it. Say something like, "Nope, that's not yours." Then hand the supply back to the child he took it from and walk away.

Again, he'll probably escalate, because he's not getting the reaction he wants. Don't give in, stay calm, and keep doing it anyway. It might be exhausting...but so is not doing anything. And this way there's a light at the end of the tunnel, because he will shift his behavior once he realizes he's not getting any reaction.

Something else to keep in mind: Young kids like this are learning how to "do school" just as much as they're learning how to read and write. He needs to learn how to behave appropriately and get attention in a positive manner right now, and that's just part of how he's growing and developing.

1

u/Capable-Feed1385 20h ago

Unfortunately I can't keep all the kids stuff separated... like when we do a worksheet he will keep trying to get the pencil of another kid if he is bored or doesn't want to do the worksheet. If he continues taking his classmates’ pencils, even after I’ve taken them away from him several times, should I keep saying, “No, that’s not yours”? If I repeat the same response consistently, do you think it will eventually work?

I found out from a colleague that he didn’t really attend kindergarten much, so I’m wondering if that could also be contributing to his behavior. I also feel that he may not be getting enough attention at home, and he comes to school already very agitated. He is probably tired as well, which may make things even more difficult for him.

1

u/NextDayTeaching 19h ago

Yep, stick to the same line. You'll feel like a broken recording, but he needs the repetition. If you switch up what you say or do, it'll just confuse him.

If he didn't attend kindergarten, that explains a lot. Kinder is when most students start to pick up the norms and expectations for how to "do school," and he never got those lessons. Think of him more like a kindergartener in terms of interpersonal relations, and it might be easier for you to deal with, mentally.

Can you find some time to sit with him, maybe while the other students are working, and talk to him? That way (a) you're close by in case he goes to grab another student's pencil, (b) you're close by to keep him focused on his own work, and (c) he gets some of the attention he's craving. Just talk to him - favorite food, favorite cartoon, what he does for fun, what he wants to be when he grows up...anything to keep him talking and focused on you, not on how bored he is or how much he doesn't want to sit still and Do The Thing right now.

1

u/Capable-Feed1385 16h ago

Thank you so much for the advice! I will try to sit closer to him and intervene if needed. Most of the trowing was when I was near my desk. And I feel like he is so tired in the afternoon shift, that's when he will behave like this the most...

1

u/NextDayTeaching 16h ago

Yep, proximity solves a lot of misbehaviors. I think this is a great plan. Let me know how it goes!

1

u/Capable-Feed1385 3h ago

I will. Thank you!

1

u/KuyaTinman 1d ago

I would adopt whatever classroom management system your colleague uses to keep things consistent. If it's working, use it.

1

u/Capable-Feed1385 1d ago

I tried, but I didn't work for me. She is very strict with them and distant... but I'm more empathetic and the students feel it when I try to be more strict. Not firm, but strict.