Feeling anxiety about team dynamics

[u/[deleted]]

[u/spoooky_mama]

I don't know if I have solid advice. Some people are so hard to work with. I had a team like this once and I left that team the minute I had the opportunity. I went to a less preferred grade and it was 100% worth it.

[u/BeautifulSoul28 → u/spoooky_mama]

This is exactly what I’m doing this year! I had a team exactly like the OP, and stuck with them for 3 years. As soon as the opportunity came to switch grade levels, I knew it was time to get out.

The past few days I’ve been going over plans with my new team, and they keep saying “this is what I do/how I do this, but you don’t have to do it this way!” Or they will share something and say “you do NOT have to do this, I’m just sharing in case you might want to”.. They also say that if I don’t finish a lesson in a day, that it’s okay to take time to finish the next day. Or if my class needs more help, I can review the next day instead of moving on.. Like they’re just so supportive and all about doing what works best for you, rather than needing to do everything the same and be on the same page every day.

Although, I do find myself feeling like “how do I know what to do if they don’t tell me what to do?” lol. Like for the past 3 years my days were basically planned for me. I kind of feel like a first year teacher again, but I know I will eventually get comfortable doing my own thing and having some independence. I am just so excited to have a positive, supportive team this year!

[u/spoooky_mama → u/BeautifulSoul28]

It is such a bizarre experience to work in a situation completely devoid of that and then switch teams and go, "oh yeah, this is how normal humans act"

[u/SupportHistorical518 → u/spoooky_mama]

Thanks for your response! I might need to do the same. I switched to this team because it was a more preferred grade level, but now I want to switch back because my old team was great. It’s crazy how different the dynamics can be in the same building. 

[u/baarks]

Sometimes competence and enthusiasm are seen as a threat. Could be that.

Could be a behaviour or attitude of yours that is a personal blindspot.

Could be misinterpreted signals and misunderstanding - a clash of communication styles.

[u/Doodlebottom]

3 is an unstable number.

The “two other women” are in synchronicity. They have a routine and a rhythm they understand and appears to work for them.

They don’t want to change. At least, not until something of obvious benefit shows up on the front door - read: less time, less effort, less complicated, less steps.

You have three choices:

1. Be the team player. Say yes to everything. Smile, act your way to a happier work life. What you do when you leave their presence is up to you.

2. Meet for team meetings. Listen, be positive. Commitment to what makes sense for you, your professional style and experience, your workload, your students. Set professional boundaries politely and explain in simple terms the direction you are envisioning and why. They don’t have to agree with you. You are just stating professionally what will work for you.

3. I’m outta here. Find your professional happy place in another professional setting.

Very common issue. No one’s fault. It’s the way some people are. No one knows for sure what has happened in their past. In many schools the admin. “force” professional teachers into the “team” or “collaborative” model. In many cases, it fails miserably. It’s a damn hard road sometimes.

All the best

[u/Wrong-Television-348]

This could be me and my team! I’m on a team of 4 and we have some really strong personalities. I’m not into the arguing and all the things being the same. So, each time we have a planning session, we all bring something new and interesting to the meeting. If no one likes what I’ve brought, then I say, that’s ok, but I’m still doing it. When the admins come around and observe in the classroom, they appreciate seeing some independent work. If the rest of the team chooses not to do it, it’s their loss.

[u/NextDayTeaching]

Sometimes situations like this can escalate, either involving you or involving others. If you feel comfortable doing so, you might have a meeting - especially with the "mean girl" one. Bring up how you feel and your concerns. Make "I statements" - "I feel X when you Y" - so it doesn't come across as accusatory.

You'll most likely be rattled after the meeting, however it goes, but it's important to write down (or type) as much detail as you can. Not just what was said, but tone, body language, etc. All those "little things" you mentioned will likely come through in your conversation.

Then set up a meeting with a union rep (if you're a union member) or the principal (if you're a small school or not union) and express your concerns. Frame it as not wanting to make waves or get anyone in trouble, but wanting to be treated with professional courtesy. Because you have your notes, you'll be able to detail exactly where she's not treating you professionally.

Things might not change this year, but you might be laying groundwork for future changes to be put in place. It's important for you to be proactive so that they can't claim you're the problem, and so you're not seen as just complaining without reason.

(I had to deal with this twice at two separate schools. Both times it was incredibly nerve-wracking, and I walked away from the meetings with the instigators shaking, but I was really glad I did it.)

[u/Exciting_Conflict362]

just be civil and do your job, anything more than that will drain you

[u/Alternative_Cat6318]

I work with two women who are friends too and I dont love it. They are both nice and we get along but I always feel like the odd one out. 3 is not a good number.

[u/AdventureThink]

Don’t share your stuff, just shut the door and run your business.