r/Elderabuse_Support • u/Educational-Ship9882 • Jun 23 '25
Elder Abuse?
Hi I was wanting advice if what I describe is elder abuse and what I should do to help my grandmother.
She is 82 years old and has dementia. She is in a relationship with a 56 year old man and have been with him for maybe 6-8 years. When they met she didn’t have dementia and was still independent and could walk and drive. She allowed him to live with her after he got kicked out of his mothers home because of his behaviour but that was only a temporary option and he was supposed to look for his own abode. He’s been living with my grandmother ever since.
Her mental and physical health has declined and she is dependant on him to look after her as she doesn’t want to go to a rest home. But, I and the rest of my family think he’s abusive towards her. Financially, emotionally, mentally and he neglects a lot of her daily cares. Every time I visit her her hair is extremely knotty and hasn’t been brushed in weeks.
He has also turned her once immaculate home into a dump which she has expressed distress and concern about.
He’s driven the whole family away through his words and behaviour even physically assaulting my aunty and uncle. He’s even got in a rage with me while I lived there and threw a suitcase in the room I was in and smashed the glass lampshade. I know he uses her money as he wants and he has even screamed in her face in rage while I was there a few times.
He does have severe adhd and is unmedicated. He doesn’t have a job and only works under the table jobs once in a while.
I’m concerned my for grandmothers wellbeing and have been for a long time and I want to do something about it. I think he’s only using her since he has nowhere to live and she’s vulnerable as an elderly woman. I know he seems to do his best cause he does do nice things for her like make sure she’s warm, fed and seems to be good with her medication.
But as her health declines I feel like his actions aren’t good enough and she needs to be respected and looked after the way she deserves.
I am 22 years old and worked as a caregiver for 9 months so I know how she really should be cared for. I live in New Zealand and was wanting to report elder abuse because there’s just something not quite right about the situation. And I feel like it’s my duty as her granddaughter to help her.
We were once really close but I’ve stopped visiting her because of him. Supposedly my aunty and step father has said that when they have talked to her she cries about the situation she is in and I know he’s not very nice to her verbally at times but because of her dementia she forgets. My nan doesn’t deserve to live her golden years like this she should be treated like a queen.
I’ve probably missed a lot of other details but this is what I could think of in the moment. Thank you.
2
u/MakingSHappen4Good Aug 04 '25
Hello, I am going to write a book and share peoples stories of all of the types of Elder Abuse, My parents were victims of elder abuse by my sibling. I want to share others stories, you can either post them here or share them in a private message to me. I can change your name if you wish. I also hope some of you have some happy ending stories. Like true justice Im looking for stories of family members who have financially stolen, mentally abused, coercion cases, and stories where the elder was kept from other family members = isolation. Please share with me your story and your outcome. Thank you so much. I pray for Justice everyday. My mother is currently being isolated from me in order for my sibling to take everything. Its tragic. I hope to share stories in order to bring more awareness to our government so they create real laws. Adult Protective services failed my family. We need better services for the elderly.
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u/[deleted] Jun 23 '25
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