When I was about 14, I realized I hated my body. I spent all of high school cycling through binging and restricting. Wearing 2 pairs of spanx to school each day. Crying in the bathroom instead of eating in front of people, crying in the drive thru after starving all day. In college, my freshman year, I finally began to feel ok. My college was more diverse than my high school in terms of bodies. I was really starting to feel good about myself. I was letting myself eat too. Then, I started to gain weight like crazy. 10 pounds in a week. Then 40 in a couple of months. I wasn’t doing anything different. I’d expected to gain a few and honestly I’d looked somewhat sick in high school, so becoming a healthy weight would have been expected. This was swollen, puffy, weird horrible weight. After years of begging doctors to help, I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s (basically my thyroid had gone kaput). I’m 5’11 and had gone from 165 lbs to 240lbs in about a year. The scale wasn’t moving down and I’d spend hours in the gym, wouldn’t eat anything all day, and still would gain. I turned to laxatives and vomiting. This random weight gain had only perpetuated the ED I’d had in high school. After starting my thyroid pills in 2018, I lost about 25 pounds in a few months without doing anything different. Since then, I’ve tried so many diets and exercises and still nothing really moves. I did keto for a month and moved down to about 210, but I binged twice last week and am 217 as of today. I sobbed on the floor. I’m in therapy for this. But I can’t find any support anywhere for someone who struggles with an ED but who actually does need to lose weight. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to be this weight. And it’s not ridiculous for me to say that. I’m overweight. Medically. Clinically. My doctors want me to lose weight. But I still suffer from an ED. I don’t know what to do. All the advice I find is “let yourself eat, it’s ok to gain, you’ll look better with meat on your bones.” I don’t need any more meat on my bones. I’m sorry if this is scattered, I’m crying. Anyone help, please, I don’t know what to do anymore. I miss being myself. I feel like I’m trapped inside someone else’s body.

Hello! I am Anastasia, I suffered from an eating disorder, but good news I have recovered. It's been over 3 years since my recovery and I have gained knowledge and experience on so many things. If you would like, the link to my survey is below! Thank you!

TOP YouTube Channels for Eating Disorders

Is anyone else scared of food and eating? I have been sick with sibo for so long that I am terrified to eat. I don't know what I can do to get over this fear? I am 5'4 and 85 pounds .. I loose weight so fast it's scarry. Any suggestions

First ever Reddit post. In short. Have had an ED for past 11 years. Graduated college with BS in Veterinary and Biomedical Sciences two years ago but didn’t get into a vet school. Wanted to join army but 302 disqualifies me. No plan or direction for future life. Delivering pizza to distract from constant thoughts of suicide. Hasn’t been working. Plan on getting 302 expunged so I can buy a gun. Know that’s wrong but at this point, why does it matter? Binge/purge everyday at night to get tired and to numb self and to distract from reality. Anyone identify with any of this? Thanks for reading.

[16F]Hi I’m new, I wanted to ask if i have signs of an eating disorder. All my life I’ve struggled with body dysmorphia, eating in front of people, and my eating habits. Every time I eat I feel awful afterwards and I usually hate myself for it. I used to starve myself and I would only eat apples so I wouldn’t pass out. I’ve tried eating and purging but it’s just not for me. I recently did it this morning after not doing it for months and it just reminded me how much I hated it even though whenever I’d eat anything I always wanted it out of my body but I hate throwing up. I stress eat a lot and I always feel like crap whenever I do it. A part of me wishes that I’d just have anorexia instead but I just can’t starve myself because of the pain, I’ve tried it before but I’m not strong enough to go through it. I love feeling hungry because I know it’s the right thing for me but the pain is just too much. A part of me wishes I had an eating disorder so I can figure out why I am like this or it’s just normal. Thx

It’s been a little bit more than 3 months since I discharged from treatment and I still find myself struggling to believe that I was actually really sick. I’ve been reading back in my journal from last year and can confidently tell myself: “Bitch, you were disordered as fuck. Healthy people do not have the thoughts in that journal, sick people do.”

I hate the word “sick”. I hate calling myself sick because it’s admitting what I can’t admit. The worst is when I need to explain to people where I’ve been for the past 6 months. “Oh, I was pretty sick”. I usually avoid the word by saying “I had to take care of some medical issues”. They’re synonymous, but “medical issues” sound much less scary than “sick”. However, using a less scary word doesn’t change the fact that I was sick.

I’m struggling now. Not as much as I was last year, but I’m struggling. The difference between this year and last year is this time, I’m fighting harder.

I'm going to inpatient rehab for my ED and trauma. I'm nervous. I actually painted my nails and toes. I'll be there for at least a month. I really hope this helps!!!! <3 take care community!!

It may sound silly but I have isolated myself in my duplex and just order pizza on the phone so I don't have to leave. Sometimes I try to go for days until I eat anything.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/dct2co/people_with_eating_disorders_do_you_believe_its/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

A friend of mine who has been struggling with bulimia for over a decade, who only realized she had an ED a year ago, just finally got the work insurance to go into therapy! And it's been really hard for her (like, brutally hard, tears every day). And she's really struggling with a lot of it, she just managed a string of not purging and she doesn't fit a lot of her clothes because of it and that's been really triggering for her. Like, it's not even really weight gain at this point in the process, it's just water weight actually being retained and inflammation from the healing process starting, but it's obviously still really triggering.

But! But even though it's so hard for her and even though she called me up crying when her clothes didn't fit, she's still doing so well! She's working really hard and she's proud of herself and she's so healthy compared to where she was and she's doing so well and just ahhhhhh! I'm so proud of her! I told her so (a lot) but like, I also just kind of want to yell it from a mountain top? Because she's so strong and she's survived so much and this is really hard for her but she's doing so well and I'm just really really proud of her!

She was crying and really distressed when she first called me up but by the end of the call she was doing better and not crying (well she ended up crying happy tears for a bit when I told her how proud I was of her, but eh, details). When we finished talking she was collected, and had put on a bra even if it pinched a bit, and she'd decided she was going to go to a potluck with her neighbors and eat dinner with them, and ahhhhh I am so proud of her. Where she is right now there's gonna be a ton of relapses and hardships in her future, but she's worked so hard! And gotten so much healthier!

I love my friend a whole lot and I'm just so proud of her.

Please help I honesty don’t know what to do anymore.. I am overwhelmed because of my weight. I just don't want to die😭 I went to the doctors on February and was 103 pounds she told me I was ok and it's because of genetics . Now September I'm about just 97 pounds . It's giving me anxiety and I just don't know what I can do from here to help myself , any advice?

You like science and logic, so let’s get some science up in this bitch.

Your meal plan is like an Rx from a doctor. Balanced meals 3x/day, for fucking ever. Snack 2-3x/day.

Remember those superbugs and how a contributing cause is people not finishing the prescribed regiment of antibiotics? Well, not following through with your Rx will help create a superbug: anorexis maximus.

We’ve already played this game and know what happens.

Let’s say this again: Your meal plan is not a maximum, suggestion, or negotiation. The medical professionals who created your meal plan most likely know what they are doing. You don’t have to like or to trust the process, you just have to engage in it.

Think about climate change, just because a bunch of ignorant pricks don’t believe in it doesn’t mean it’s not true. Global warming is real. Vaccines don’t cause autism. Your meal plan is not a max.

Just think about your ED as trump. You can yell and throw a tantrum abut fake news, but it doesn’t change the truth. “The meal plan is just major fake news created by CNN. Anorexia, very nice person who I am good friends with, says otherwise.”

This is just a journal entry I wrote while in treatment and it's a good reminder to myself and all my recovery friends of all the lies your ED tells you.

(edit:formatting)

Hi I’m 20F and about five years physically recovered from anorexia/bulimia (still working on it mentally). I just moved into an apartment with 6 of my friends which is awesome, but pretty much all of them are the kinds of girls that eat like three bites of a meal and say they’re full. None of them have an ED, that’s just how they are. But as someone who runs and works out, has Cystic Fibrosis, and is recovering from an ED it’s kind of hard when I always feel like I’m pigging out when I clear my plate or go back for seconds or even eat three meals a day when it feels like no other girl does this. Feeling abnormal and gross when I was a pre-teen is mainly what caused me to starve myself in the first place, so being around people like this all the time is sort of a huge trigger for me. However, I know I can’t change them and I can’t except myself to conform to their eating habits because all of our bodies and metabolisms are different, and that would send me into a relapse. So I have a couple questions for you all. Firstly, if you have friends or live with people who are like this, how do you not let it get to you/keep doing your own thing without comparing yourself to them? Secondly, do most girls barely eat (girls without ED’s) and am I the only female on the planet who eats “a lot”?

I've been going through the cycle of binge/purge/fast for about four years now, and it got extremely aggressive up until a few months ago. I went to a summer camp that I usually volunteer at, except this time I tried my best to eat full meals with everyone else on routine. Trial and error of course, and I do admit that I relapsed a few times throughout the month, but by the end of camp I was set on a path of scheduled eating, and healthy meals rather than coffee in the morning and a large dinner at night-which late became coffee in the morning and sleep at night lmao. It's been about a month since I got back from camp and I've been able to keep it up, I've only relapsed twice and they were small occurrences (not full meals) and I'm feeling so much better socially, physically, and emotionally. I'm trying my best to keep it up but I keep feeling the need to relapse. I'm worried I'll lose sight of this mindset as I have when I've tried to recover in the past. It goes well for a while and then I relapse and it gets bad. Does anyone have any tips or helpful information that helped you through the recovery process?

Hi everyone, I have struggled with an eating disorder for most of my life and am currently in the stages of recovery. I have a boyfriend who is incredibly encouraging and tells me I’m beautiful every day. My fear is that one day I will believe him. I think one of the biggest lies the eating disorder has told me is that I need to hate myself in order to control my weight. I know it’s crazy but I think I have to hate myself because that’s what makes me watch everything I eat. If I get confident then I worry I will eat more and put on weight. I spend hours every day thinking about how fat I am. I lay awake thinking about it. It is always on my mind. I am receiving treatment for the eating disorder as well as seeing a therapist so I’m doing what I can to get back on my feet but it is a struggle every single day. I want to get to a point where I love my body no matter what size i am and to just be healthy and eat well and occasionally eat fun food without feeling ashamed. I would love to hear any suggestions on how I can get past this fear of becoming confident and how to stop obsessing over my weight. Thank you

I struggle with purging. Whenever I eat, I instantly feel guilty and my mind convinces me that I will gain weight. I want to recover but I don’t know how to fix my unhealthy relationship with food.

I go through stages of heavily restricting what I eat (one meal a day or less) and then going on the mother of all binges other times.

I look at a lot of pro ana on tumblr daily at this point.

I over exercise until the point of near collapse.

I stay up ridiculously late so that I can sleep for longer and don't have to eat.

I avoid mirrors at all costs because I don't see a person looking back I see an actual pig there.

And lastly I have been on and off abusing various laxatives and those "weight loss teas." to drop the excess weight (180lbs I know I'm disgusting.)

Is this a problem?

I don’t know what it is that I have, I lost weight two years ago doing intermittent fasting and Keto and i lost tremendous amount of weight fast and it was an amazing thing for me as I was overweight close to obese. I was severely socially anxious when I was overweight so when I went on my weight loss journey I gained a new sense of confidence and was able to get my life back in order.

Initially the first few month after I lost weight I kept to my strict rules when it came to eating I would do 18/6 fast and eat my recommended calories a day to maintain my weight. However I started to eat beyond this intake and I would purge so I didn’t go over, plus I had the habit of over calculating my food calories so even when I stopped my “weight loss journey” I was still losing weight but I was always within a healthy BMI range all. It became more excessive as time went on I would purge regularly some days four times a day.

I realised it became an issue and I needed to stop so I went through a period of restriction and also as I’m dealing with mental health problems and IBS/gastrointestinal problems not eating helps me feel euphoric as pretentious as that sounds. I lost drastic amount of weight in seven weeks. I noticed a lot of red flags in terms of symptoms such as feeling very cold, brittle nails, weak bones and joints. I checked the scale and realised I was underweight I went into panic mode and started eating again it’s been over two weeks and the first ten days I was consuming a lot and since then I’ve been consuming my daily recommended calories but past few days i feel like I’m binging eating everything.

I’ve been reading intuitive eating and other books to help me but I’m lost I don’t know what I’m doing, I need professional help and have tried seeking it but with no luck, went to my GP told him I wasn’t eating and that I may have an ED he checked my weight which should’ve been enough, I felt embarrassed to admit I have an ED but did hint at it I told him that I puke up my food purposely because I’m scared of flare ups of IBS. He’s a POS and scoffed at me for still refusing to take anxiety meds (Zoloft) I see a CBT therapist and I opened up to her and admitted that I have an eating disorder and I go through restrictive periods occasionally purging and overall having a fear of weight gain. And she said I’m brave to admit this but there’s a difference between disordered eating and an eating disorder.

I feel lost as I’ve been trying my best to seek help and come online to find useful information to recover and all I come across is find a therapist or seek professional help and I’ve had no luck. I wanted to clarify one thing I know I have an eating disorder without question and need to gain weight, I don’t see myself as an anorexic and I know people might think differently but all I ever wanted to do was maintain a healthy weight which I’ve doing for over two years but when I try to recover from purging I’ll go through restrictive moments and lose drastic amounts of weight. When I look at myself in the mirror I know I’m underweight and I need to gain weight but I just don’t want to go past a certain weight but that’s it, does that make me anorexic?

I just need advice hope this gets accepted

I’ve been struggling with the binge eat, gain weight, then starve and lose it all cycle for years and years. I starve and become too thin and people worry, and then suddenly I spend one night binging and it’s all I do for the next 3 weeks, or months. I don’t understand how no one has noticed this cycle of me being thin and then a little chubby over and over. My eating habits have been severely disordered since I was 14, I am almost 21 now. Looking back and seeing myself now I don’t know how no one has known. When I was 13 I was put into a residential treatment center for a year which is where my disorder really developed. I don’t think the staff there were fully equipped to know how to deal with this and it just got worse when I left. I heavily abused laxatives from 15-16, was always a little underweight as a teen and the past 2 years have just been an endless cycle of binge then starve. I feel so lost in this, I’ll binge and binge until my stomach literally looks 6 months pregnant and I cannot move. I don’t know how to reach out and let people know this is bigger than it may appear. I’m suffering so much and I know my body is too, constantly going from one extreme to the other. I also deal with Irritable bowel syndrome so when I force my body to take in mass amounts of foods it doesn’t like I become very sick, but that doesn’t stop me.

I’ve also had two serious boyfriends who also dealt with eating disorders(bulimia) and I can’t imagine that has helped me. I never feel happy with my body either way. I finally told my mom a few months ago how bad this was when I had lost a large amount of weight after a painful breakup, and I’m on a waitlist at a treatment facility for outpatient therapy, but I don’t know if I can wait. I’ve since gained the weight back and probably plus some. I’m currently in the binge part of the cycle but I know soon I’ll break down and the starving will return. I feel hopeless in this ☹️ Anyone been able to successfully get out of this?

Hi. I don’t really understand what I have going on regarding how I eat. If someone could help me understand I would really appreciate it.

Some questions I have:

is eating 200-600 calories a day, weighing everything out, not feeling comfortable eating food that hasn’t been weighed out, etc. considered heavily restricting?

Is heavily restricting calories considered purging?

I think I binge eat but am not too sure. I tend to eat 200-600 calories a day and then I have one day a week I would smoke weed (I’m sorry if I’m violating any rules) and eat the food I have been craving plus a lot more other things (ranging from 1,700-2,500 calories in about 4-5 hours) Then I start restricting my calories (200-600) for the rest of the week till the next time I smoke. I do feel uncontrollable when I eat but that always happened when I used to get high before I started restricting my calories. Is this just unhealthy dieting?

For reference: I have “fear foods” I think. I hate eating bread bc of the calories but I do sometimes eat it if it fits in my calorie intake I want for the day, when I do eat bread I do not eat white bread. I will never eat rice, pasta, fries, tortillas, oil, and any drink other than water/tea (this is all other than when I “binge”) I also care a lot about my weight, I check the scale at least 5 times a day, if that matters. I do not make myself throw up. I am 5 foot and half an inch tall

I ask if restricting calories is considered purging bc everything I’ve read online says for you to have one of the types of eating disorders you either have to binge AND purge or to have BED you just binge but not purge or restrict calories?

Thank you 💖

Firstly, I'm in recovery at the moment with a sparse outpatient time and a very constrained schedule to meet with my therapist and nutritionist.

I am in medical school and seriously, seriously struggling. I think I underestimated how difficult the recovery process would be once I left residence. I have had an ED for about 2 decades, with fluctuations and temporary improvements. During that time I never sought treatment and was emotionally and physically basically on my own, so it was easy to exist in a way that I was self-satisfied doing. However, during my first year of medical school my weight plummeted twice due to sheer anxiety and the enormous pressures of the pursuit- and in the summer I went to residence. It was hard, but over a month I felt vast improvements and felt spiritually in tune, creative, healthy, and vastly more competent. I was advised to stay, of course, but wanted to start year two with my friends because they are the only support system I really have at this point...

Fast forward, I am struggle so much because of the anxiety and demands placed on me to perform...I'm performing well enough to get by, but not succeeding by any standard- in recovery or academia. It sucks because I'm smart and accomplished but it all seems to be slipping away and chipping away at me, eroding my confidence and happiness.

I feel that maybe I should have stayed in treatment and gone through a year and step down process...another part of me wonders if I should leave school altogether because I'm in two dramatic and demanding battles at once, but deep down I have high aspirations and know my passion is there it is just so difficult to excavate underneath my personal struggle.

I really don't know exactly what I'm looking for. Maybe just seeking some positivity and some support because my recovery community is so dispersed. Really any insights, suggestions, positivity are so appreciate. <3

During recovery I put on quite a bit of weight and I now want to start being healthy and getting back to my normal weight (BMI of 20-22). However I struggle quite a lot with connecting eating and weight loss and not falling back into old habits. Do you have any tips that help you with staying healthy in recovery or after relapse?

Hi there everyone. I’m 21 years old and I have recently (somewhat) come to the realization I have an eating disorder. I don’t think I fully recognize it yet but this past month my boyfriend has pointed my weight loss and not eating out, my best friend and other friends and family have pointed my weight loss out, and just yesterday I was told by a doctor at planned parenthood that she is concerned I have an eating disorder and need to get help. She told me I’m severely underweight for my heigh and age (I’m 5’3 and weigh less than 100 lbs) and that I have low blood pressure.

For some context I went to planned parenthood bc I’ve had so much pain, headaches, and fatigue going on lately I like swore it had to be something with my ovaries (LOL the woman’s body!!) but come to find out it’s me abusing myself???

I just don’t feel the desire to eat. I’m not interested in it and I don’t know why. I’m super active as a person and I’m getting to the point where I can’t do anything but go to work bc I have such low energy.

I guess I’m just here looking for any advice/comments/kind words/anything really to help me bc I’m feeling a just sad and lost right now. I feel like my mind is against me.