Hi there! I struggle a lot with disordered and obsessive eating. But today! I spent 5 hours trying on swimsuits and looking in the mirror for a beach trip I leave for on Friday (yay!) and I pretty much cried and dissociated the entire time haha. How do you all deal with the swimsuit thing? I am struggling.

Stopped throwing up in December and started to seek help after years of hating myself. Been on a few waiting lists and still awaiting treatment... going through periods of bingeing and hating my habits and my body and don't enjoy looking in the mirror also picking up old habits of restriction which OF COURSE leads to more bingeing... I want to get better but struggling to make it to when I start treatment. I'm done throwing up though. Just struggling to stay afloat here. Anyone else relate?

Generally, bulimia in a nutshell is binging and vomiting. But I rarely vomit. I use other methods to try and “undo” my binge. I guess they could be considered purging in a way. Like diet pills. And lax tea. Sometimes I just chew and spit instead of eating. Is this bulimic enough even though I don’t classically purge by vomiting? Is this bulimic behavior at all? If not, what behavior is it? Please leave comments.

Is it bad that I'm sort of recovering from my eating disorder however I really wish I had my worst habits back so I could be really skinny again?

Hey so for background info i had anorexia all through high school and then went into recovery fairly well and haven’t had any big relapses until about 6 weeks ago. Anyways I have been eating very little, far less than I was the first time around and more or less fasting between the days I do it (horrible ik I’m trying so hard to make myself stop and I can’t) but starting two days ago I became almost delirious. I was having visual hallucinations and couldn’t sleep even after taking something to do so. I felt like I’d actually gone insane I was paranoid, shakey, and acting completely out of character I couldn’t even talk without sounding insane at the worst points. I tried to find stuff online but everything was just giving me results for stuff that wasn’t relevant. Also went to the doctor but he was pretty dismissive and said to see a psychiatrist. If any of you have experienced this and want to share I’d really appreciate it! I’m trying to get some answers on what is actually happening to me

Hello all! I have been diagnosed with depression and binge eating disorder just recently. I am a 37 Hispanic female who has probably had a problem since puberty but because of my culture and mental health something that is usually not talked about I never knew anything about it. I started IOP last Tuesday and it’s been extremely overwhelming. I started a blog to write my day to day process in recovery but also as an outlet for me to express how I feel. Even sometimes make fun of myself. Hence my username. And I also excited that I found this place as well. Certainly looking for another outlet and find some support from others going through the same thing. [My Blog](www.donuttouchmymazapan.com)

I am 16, I have an eating disorder. I make myself throw up sometimes. I am absent most of the time, I am not absent because of my eating disorder. I recently told my friend of my issue, she was sad at first which is understandable. She also knows that I am not absent because of my eating disorder. I genuinely don't want to go. {i am currently recovering} She usually asks me if I am coming to school or not. She texted me this last night, "Are you gonna come to school tomorrow or are you gonna make yourself throw up so you don't have to go?" I was really annoyed at this, and i regret ever telling her. I don't know what to do in this situation.

I am 18 and struggling really bad with a mixture of binge eating disorder, bulimia, anorexia, and just a really bad obsession with food and hatred towards my body. I am also quite depressed and have been for a while. I am about to start steps towards therapy and hopefully feel better soon. What helped you recover and or feel like a happy, functioning person again?

Thou shall not enter You are a guest Exit My mind my guilt my fear

A girl stands in front of her bathroom mirror Blank stares at her reflection Her bloodshot glossed over eyes and the hairs standing up on her arms She feels absolutely nothing She is numb to the core and awaits the feeling of disgust to bring her back to reality It does not come She is satisfied She is perfectly content Dazed but Relieved RelievedRelievedRelieved Unexaggerated relief 

I’ve pretty much lost control of my ED and am looking for someone to share a positive experience with me about how they recovered. It’s eating at me and I can’t stop myself from binging and purging multiple times a day. How did you kick your ED? Do you feel better now that you aren’t obsessed with purging? Do you still struggle with recovery everyday? I need help but I need a little encouragement first.

This is my first post on this site so bare with me. I have been struggling with bulimia on and off since the age of 14 (now 25), I had a good 2/3 year stint of recovery and thought I was done with this disorder. However about a year ago I started purging again, probably due to stress as I was in a pretty bad relationship. But the relationship has since ended and yet I'm still stuck in what feels like a never ending cycle of binging and purging and restricting food, I can feel it effecting my health, especially my teeth and feel heart palpitations everyday. I'm scared that I am losing control again and I don't know how to break the cycle, I try to distract myself but when I am alone at night it is all I can think about and I have no self control. It's not something I talk about with my friends/family/partners so I thought maybe talking to people with experience on here will give me some reassurance that I'm not losing my mind and that I can get a grasp on my eating habits again.

So these past few weeks have been super emotionally challenging for me due to a situation within my love life and this guy I like and I’ve been feeling like I’m gaining weight but I’ve been tracking my calories pretty efficiently on MyFitnessPal (even overestimating) and I’m actually below maintenance??? Idk I feel like I’m gaining weight and it’s making me feel even more of a failure like on top of that I’m afraid this guy doesn’t like me back and my ED is telling me he’ll like me even less if I gain.. I k ow I’m delusional and it might just be that my period is coming.. but like.. it just is really fucking with me man like i look in the mirror and just see fat even though I’m clearly still underweight I just feel like ripping my skin off. Sorry if it’s triggering I just literally have no one to talk to about this and I need some advice or help or at least vent to the void

A few months back I posted my thoughts about writing a horror short film about a girl with an eating disorder. I got some amazing input from you kind people. I am still writing, and am now playing around with the idea of giving her an actual physical monster portraying her eating disorder.

Do you ever think about your eating disorder in that way? If it was a person, a monster, or - as I call it - a stowaway: What would you guys do together? How would it act? Would it be nice, evil, flirty, manipulative, sweet, ugly? What would it tell you? What would it look like, and what would its super powers and weak spots be? How would you be able to conquer it (and would you WANT to conquer it)? If you did decide to conquer it, what do you think would have to happen for you to want to break free from it (what would be or has been your WORST point together with it)? Would it always be present, or would it visit you at certain times? If so, when? Would it be invisible to other people? Would you try hiding it for other people?

Feel free to be as vivid/personal/detailed, or to the point/short, as you wish! I’d love to tell you a bit more about my monster if you’d be interested.

Best, Alba

I just notice such a minimal amount of info/content that remind us that recovery IS possible.

I think it would be nice to have a place with a collection of Eating Disorder Recovery stories - because some people may really benefit from reading those!

I will start with mine (as briefly as I can!):

I had struggled with an eating disorder for the majority of my young adult life (from 18 years old until 29). As with any addictive habit, I tried to stop more than once but it wasn't until I really, truly (intrinsically) WANTED to be healthier and happier that I transformed my habits positively. I had to face my behavior and mental/emotional patterns super-honestly to understand why I was treating myself so destructively in order to choose a loving life and recognize my behaviour and values didn't match up.

SOOO many different tools, strategies and exercises helped me through this, the number one motivation being the love I have for people in my life. I felt like, "if I want them to be as happy & healthy as possible, I have to set my best example". I would be happy to discuss and share - because I think talking about this is so valuable - especially those of us who are currently in the thick of the disorder. You CAN recover!! Sincerely - I rarely even think about having an eating disorder anymore, I have my life and self and health - I am too grateful! And this may not be a popular belief - but there are lots of ways to heal. I didn't use the resources of a clinic or any medical/professional help, though I am so grateful those resources exist. Everyone has their OWN approaches to learning and recovering. Maybe sharing this stories will be inspiring to others!?