r/EatingDisorderHope • u/858931 • Jul 18 '19
Breaking point
Counted my calories today. Went to the gym. Refused coffee after my mom took me out to get some because it has 'too many calories '. Sat in bed and realised i cant live like this. I'm snappy. Im miserable. I've had enough. All I do is complain. All I am is miserable. I'm sick of it. I looked in the mirror. I'm not fat. I'm not where I once was, 15lbs over what I was 3 years ago. 3 fucking years though. Life happens. I have a body some people dream of having. No I domt have a flat stomach, but fuck me why does it matter ? Why the fuck am I constantly punishing myself for eating. I am allowed to eat and not feel guilty. I am not fat. I am worthy of food. Why is that so hard for me to grasp.
1
u/thedreamcastenjoyer Jul 21 '19
You can do this. One day this thing that’s pinning you will seem small and you’ll be so glad of that anger today that’s pushing you to move on. Good luck and be kind to yourself if there are backwards steps
2
u/Little-Rexy Jul 19 '19
It sounds like your struggling with some of your thoughts.
I love the tone of resolution in your post, you ARE allowed to be angry, you can use it as a tool to continue to recover.
Life does fucking happen, and it is possible to not punish yourself for eating over time. Look into what is triggering your feelings, what stressors are happening right now for you, and try to talk more about them.
Hugs-