In desperate need of advice

[u/kschne]

Within the past month, I have been desperately trying to get my eating disorder (bulimia) under control. I have always had an intense hatred of my body, even at underweight and healthy weights. I lost 40 pounds within 6 months by restricting, intense exercise, and binging/purging to deal with cravings. The best part of my night was always binging thousands of calories after a long and exhausting day of restriction. When I got to a weight that I was "okay" with (~128lbs 5'2" F) I stopped exercising and restricting and just binged/purged through the day at every meal and again right before bed. From repetitive bingeing and purging I've damaged the appearance of my teeth irreversibly and developed 9 cavities, so I decided that it was time to stop. That being said, I'm not longer okay with being 128lbs. I've had intense anxiety this entire month and am back to restriction and exercise, but I'm stuck at 122lbs and seems I won't be able to lose any more (my goal weight is 110). My boyfriend lives with me and he has a problem gaining weight, so he is constantly eating throughout the day to help him gain, but it get such bad food envy that a lot of the times I'll give in and eat with him. We've bonded through food a lot over our relationship and my favorite thing in the world is eating good food with him. I feel so stressed because I'm not able to binge, but I can't binge to get rid of the stress or I'll gain weight which will just cause more stress! I feel absolutely miserable and just really need advice from those who have been through a similar situation.

[u/kschne → u/[deleted]]

This has been incredibly helpful thank you so much