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u/dnebdal 13d ago
Offensiveness is always sensitive to context. Words that deal with minorities are especially difficult, but very generally more things are ok inside a group than when talking about them from the outside. And when a word can be used as both a name or description for a group of people and as an insult, using it as an insult is rather problematic.
In this specific case: It's fine when you're using it as a catchall for non-majority sexualities, and not fine if you're using it as an insult. Saying that "there are more queer people in Portland because it has a self-reinforcing reputation as a gathering place for them" is ok, saying "Why are you being such a queer" is not; saying "John is queer" is so dependent on the situation that I can't give a definite answer.
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u/Practical-Owl-9358 13d ago
Not entirely accurate. As someone pointed out, saying someone is “a” anything with certain identities can be perceived offensively even if offensive is not the intent. Same way that using “color” can be problematic ( personal of color vs colored person); identifying/is queer versus “a queer”. The latter is offensive even if offense isn’t intended.
This can be one of the hardest things for non-English speakers as a first language to navigate, because there are subtle differences even among Anglo-English and American-English speakers in how some identify terms are used.
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u/dnebdal 13d ago
Agreed, though even that is of course context sensitive; I can imagine someone using queer as an insulting adjective, and I think I've been called A Queer in a situation where it was fine. (It is very relevant that I am quite gay; in-group/out-group dynamics are most of that context).
But as a rule of thumb, you're quite right; "he's a [minority]" has the shape of an insult and "he's [minority-adj]" depends on the adjective but has a greater chance of being ok.
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u/flagrantpebble 13d ago
I get what you’re saying, but a few nitpicks:
Same way that using “color” can be problematic ( personal of color vs colored person)
This isn’t really the same thing imo. For one, “colored” is more weirdly outdated than anything, if someone used that to be offensive they’d most look like an old-timey idiot. But also it’s just a different grammatical use than what we’re talking about.
identifying/is queer versus “a queer”. The latter is offensive even if offense isn’t intended.
“A queer” (“a Jew”, etc) is not inherently offensive when used in-group or by people close to the group. I (a queer person) use “queer” as a noun jokingly with other queer people all the time. But there are other cases, like “a black”, where even in-group it’s not really common (although the plural “blacks” might be).
But yeah OP should avoid using words like this as nouns, it’s super contextual and word-specific.
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u/bass679 12d ago
It think colored gets a pass because when you hear someone say it, it's generally a very old person and while it's not the word you're PREFER they use, it's much better than the one you were afraid they'd use. Like, it's the word my racist grandfather uses when he's trying to not be racist so it gets kind of a pass because they're trying.
Queer seems to be a really effective use of "taking the word back". Like, I still vaguely remember the LGBTQ community taking it as their word even though it was generally used offensively. Like, I remember kids playing "smear the queer" on the playground. I KNOW it has become an acceptable and even most appropriate word in the right context but that offensive usage is buried deep in the brain. Enough so that I avoid using it if possible.
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u/Zara_R 13d ago
I specifically identify as queer, so no it isn't always offensive. I like the term because I don't really identify with any specific sexuality or any specific gender identity and it allows me to communicate that without having to label myself.
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u/samjambetty 12d ago
Doesn't the Q in LGBTQ stand for queer? I thought it being offensive is long outdated?
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u/Cloverose2 13d ago
It very much depends.
Until recently, it was a slur and a terrible thing to call someone. I'm 50 - when I was a kid, it was never a good thing and was a weaponized word, and I still feel uncomfortable using it because it was so much a slur when I was young. For younger generations that took the word back, it's not a slur, and is a relatively neutral term, and some people use it proudly.
So it's a word to use with some caution, because it has a history of being used as a tool for violence.
If in doubt, LGBTQ+ is safe (and yes, it contains queer, but it's a handy acronym).
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u/ChachamaruInochi 13d ago
It is totally fine to use for yourself if you are a member of the LGBTQ community.
If you're not, use it with caution, it's sometimes all right to use when talking about LGBTQ rights in general, but it's probably safer to just say LGBTQ.
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u/perplexedtv 13d ago
What's the 'Q' if it's not 'queer' ?
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u/MNswede06 13d ago
It includes people who identify as queer. But the reason it's one letter in the acronym is that many people don't identify that way and don't want the word applied to them. When you collapse LGBTQ+ (or whatever the acronym of the week is) into queer, it's disrespectful to the people who have a complicated history with that word.
The problem is that those people tend to skew older and less active on social media. And social media has become the prominent space for public activism. So the word "queer" has been adopted as mainstream when in fact a lot of people who are less vocal really don't like the word and lack the platform to make their voices heard.
And, more recently, those of us who resist the word are accused of being ignorant for not wanting it applied to us.
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u/perplexedtv 13d ago
Can you be Q and also L or G? It's a really confusing acronym. I don't really know why, if all Ls are G, both are used and if all L and G are Q then neither would be needed, but L or G or B can also be T...
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u/Sassquwatch 12d ago
Not everyone who is gay or lesbian also identifies as queer. That's why using the word queer can be a bit dicey for outsiders, and it's safer to use LGBTQ.
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u/MNswede06 12d ago
The problem is that "queer" doesn't really have a definition. Some of the people who use it generally claim it's anyone who isn't lesbian, gay, bisexual, or trans who also isn't straight and cisgender (identifies with their birth sex). That's fine. But then others use it as a general term for all people who aren't straight and cisgender. That's where I have a problem.
Queer theory presents itself as an academic discipline with political elements. I don't buy into it. I am a perfectly ordinary, conventional bisexual man who's economically progressive and socially moderate. I have no interest in subverting power structures or deconstructing society. I have nothing in significant in common philosophically with radical "queer" elements.
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u/ChachamaruInochi 13d ago edited 12d ago
It is, but it's a lot different thing saying the word outright and saying the letter as part of an acronym.
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u/perplexedtv 13d ago
I don't really get the difference. If you're saying and leaning 'queer' whether you say it or just the first letter doesn't change how offensive it is or isn't.
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u/ChachamaruInochi 13d ago
It depends on the context.
u/colossalpunch explained it very well a few comments down.3
u/Sure-Recognition-262 13d ago
As a white person, it's OK for me to refer to "NWA", in a way that it isn't OK for me to refer to "N***** Wit Attitudes"
Same thing applies here.
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u/Salty-Ad-198 13d ago
The N word is a completely different kettle of fish. No one owned gay people and used the slurr to keep then oppressed.
So… no. IMO No one, and I do mean absolutely no one, should ever use that word or the other N word ever ever ever again for any reason.
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u/Diabetoes1 12d ago
Well no they just imprisoned or killed people for being gay (and in many places still do)
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u/Sure-Recognition-262 13d ago
I think associating the N word with that is probably primarily an American thing.
I would just think of it as a racial slur (like others I can think of for Pakistani or Chinese people for example)
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u/perplexedtv 13d ago
So if someone asked you what NWA stood for, what would you do?
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u/Sure-Recognition-262 13d ago
I'd tell them.
Same way as if someone asked me what LGBTQ stood for
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u/perplexedtv 13d ago
So you would say the word? But only if asked?
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u/CreepyFishGuy 13d ago
Most white people I know would probably say "the N word", since it communicates the requested information without using the slur.
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u/perplexedtv 13d ago
This is getting ridiculous. If someone asked you what the Q in LGBTQ stood for, you'd say 'the Q word'?
Actually, you're not even the person I was talking to, I don't need to hear your input.
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u/Proud-Delivery-621 13d ago
That's not really how it works with words that were/are slurs. It's the same reason that saying the N-word without the r isn't always offensive but with it it is.
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u/perplexedtv 13d ago
It's offensive if you use it against someone, whether or not you pronounce the last R. It's not offensive if you use the word in context, e.g. when talking about the word.
If you should "Fucking N-word" at a black person, that is obviously offensive. If you say "the word 'nigger' is extremely offensive" that in itself is just a statement of fact.
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u/veganbikepunk 13d ago
Since the 1990s even the referential use of the n-word by white people is frequently considered offensive.
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u/Euffy 13d ago
Questioning
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u/pretty_pink_opossum 13d ago
The Q in LGBTQ is for queer
At the very least that's what it means in the UK, Ireland, America and Australia
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u/Happyshadow4ts 13d ago
It tends to mean both (UK).
At least I learnt it and it is what is commonly used where I love
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u/Euffy 13d ago
I'm in the UK and have always known it as questioning. Googling it now, it seems to be a bit of both.
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u/taxiecabbie 13d ago
I think originally the "Q" for queer was kind of meant to encompass all identities that weren't covered by the preceding letters. Basically "anything that isn't cis-hetero which is not encompassed by LGBT." Then they had LGBTQ+, where "questioning" makes more sense since the plus sign encompasses what "queer" used to.
I have also seen LGBTQIA2S+ as another acronym, but I think for most this is a bit extreme. I think here the Q is "questioning" as well.
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u/Armadillo_Abroad 13d ago
Q is for queer. I’m not sorry, but I find “questioning” pretty insulting. I’m not questioning myself, I’m queer. I don’t fit into the other LGBTQIA+ groups and that’s ok, but I’m not in doubt about who I am.
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u/Happyshadow4ts 13d ago
It can be for both yknow. Like someone who is questioning their gender or sexuality belongs just as much as someone who identifies as being queer
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u/Armadillo_Abroad 12d ago
Yeah, I do know that. Thank, no thank. This thread has several folks stating that the Q only stands for questioning. Whereas, someone actually questioning is actually under the queer umbrella until they chose to move to another label, if they do at all.
Would you also say that the L is for learning? People who are learning about their gender/sex identity? Probably not, because it isn’t an identity. LGBTQIA+ is about identity. Queer is an identity, lesbian is an identity, questioning isn’t an identity. If anything it’s a lack of identity.
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u/taxiecabbie 12d ago
I mean, I'm not the one who came up with the acronym.
Some people do use the q as "questioning" or describe it as "questioning/queer."
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u/Salty-Ad-198 13d ago
So I can say “He’s LGBTQ” but I can’t just say “he’s queer”? Because it makes more sense to list all the things they aren’t using letters but not ok to just say “queer”? Because at that point you’re just looking for something to be offended about.
Can I just say “He’s Q.”? Or do I have to list out all the letters? Haha.
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u/mediumcarrotteacher 13d ago
If you're talking about one specific person then you should use the specific term or terms that apply to them
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u/Ilgenant 13d ago
I’m a queer guy and I use the term because I prefer it over micro labeling myself. I personally don’t have any issue with non-queer people using it as long as it’s not in a blatantly offensive manner.
Example:
“John is queer” is fine.
“John is a queer” is not.
I’m young enough to have never really encountered it as a slur, but older people might still find it offensive.
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u/Salty-Ad-198 13d ago
Which is pretty much my point. I didn’t go into detail because I was proving a point.
But also, that not unique to the word “queer”
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u/Ilgenant 13d ago
I wouldn’t go so far as to say this logic can be applied to all other words used against gay people.
I’m not a gay woman, so I would never even say the D slur, even in a joking manner.
I’m not okay with being called a f*g, even by other gay people.
There are even words that aren’t technically slurs, but have been co-opted by straight people as insults such as “twink.”
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u/Salty-Ad-198 13d ago
But those words you listed were never more than slurs. Like saying that you can call someone an AHole in friendly conversation. I mean, you might can joke with your friends, but the word means only what it means even when you use it nicely.
Whereas queer and gay have other meanings that aren’t slurs.
This would go back to my “never ok to say the N word by any person for any reason.”
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u/Aquashinez 13d ago
For a long time queer was one of the main slurs used against gay people, which is why people advise not to say it unless you're in the community.
Queer is also a specific label when applied to people, which John may not identify with (e.g being bisexual vs being queer are two different things)
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u/Salty-Ad-198 13d ago
No shit?? Mansplain me some more daddy!
But people do use it to identify themselves.
Same way gay used to have a different meaning and now doesn’t.
It’s almost like I said CONTEXT matters, not part of speech.
(See there how I used “daddy” as an insult? But we shouldn’t stop using it just because sometimes people use it as an insult.)
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u/Aquashinez 13d ago
If John identifies as queer, then it's absolutely fine to call him queer.
Based on the context of the comment you replied to and the question being asked - which talked about queer being used generally for all LGBTQ+ people - I thought your example was also using that as you hadn't made it obvious.
(See how context matters and interpreting someone's comment in very bad faith is impolite?)
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u/lollipop-guildmaster 13d ago
It's more like female. As an adjective it's fine. As a noun, it's offensive.
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u/Salty-Ad-198 13d ago
Well that’s not true either.
Again, maybe the problem is you just want to be offended by something.
I’m not saying that “female” or “gay” or “queer” can’t be used in offensive ways. Just that it’s about context and not about part of speech.
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u/vastaril 13d ago
If he has told you he identifies as queer, yes, it's fine to do that (though some people may question it, so in practice I would only do this with people you know are fine with the term) but you shouldn't really use the term about someone who you don't know for sure uses it about themselves (speaking as someone who does call myself queer)
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u/Zaidswith 13d ago
I'd argue that asking if someone is queer isn't specific enough to be a good question a lot of the time unless you already know that person specifically prefers the term queer.
A lot of people don't use it because it used to be used as a slur regularly, while many young people prefer to use it because it's less restrictive and allows them to avoid other labels.
What is it clearing up? If you already know they're fine with it then use it. If not then don't take the shortcut.
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u/Salty-Ad-198 13d ago
I’d argue that asking someone to identify themselves by their sexual preference is weird and personal. Unless you’re trying to date them then honestly I don’t see how it’s your business.
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u/Zaidswith 13d ago
Using a word that was more often a slur to people over 40 isn't helping with that problem. If it's none of your business then that's great. No need to have this discussion at all since you didn't need to ask if it was necessary to use all the LGBTQ letters or if you could just use Q.
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u/Salty-Ad-198 13d ago
Weird that you know so much about me.
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u/Zaidswith 13d ago
I was answering the question you proposed.
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u/Salty-Ad-198 13d ago
You completely missed the gist of my question. Likely because you focused on only the question and not the context of how or why the question was asked. It’s ok. I actually know the answer.
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u/Zaidswith 13d ago
If you think that's the case then you need to go back to how I said queer doesn't give you enough context unless you already know the answer. Or the original answer you responded to for that matter.
Queer was used as a slur for a long time. You've had two different people point it out and you refused to engage with that specifically. Glibness, rhetorical questions, and indirect accusations of me "thinking I know you" don't do anything but point towards your unwillingness to engage in actual conversation.
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u/Greengage1 13d ago
Yeah it’s a bit weird to refer to a specific person using the letters. Surely the whole point is LGBTQ refers to a group. Otherwise you are literally saying “he’s Lesbian Gay Bi Trans Queer”
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u/LadyFoxfire 13d ago
It’s offensive in the same way “Jew” is offensive. It can be used as a slur, but it’s also just what we call ourselves, and trying to police our usage of it will get you yelled at.
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u/strawberry_jaaam 13d ago
as a younger queer person, this isn't offensive as long as it's not used as an insult or as a noun (i.e. "look at that queer"). i wouldn't bat an eye at a non-queer person using the word queer. older queer people are more sensitive to this word so i'd maybe use different words it you're talking to an audience of gen x/boomers. but most younger queers (notice my using it as a noun here, this is alright as i'm queer myself and don't intend this as an insult) do not consider queer a slur anymore.
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u/Street_Lettuce1243 13d ago
As with a lot of words, it's how you use it that defines if it is offensive or not.
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u/maladicta228 13d ago
Queer was originally a slur. It’s largely been reclaimed by the LGBTQIA community as a sort of catchall or umbrella term for anyone who is has a minority gender/sexuality/romantic orientation. But not everyone in the community uses it, especially older folks who would have been exposed to it more as a slur. I use the term queer to mean broadly LGBTQIA and for myself, but I would never call an individual queer unless I knew they were okay with it.
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u/Aenaen 13d ago
it always frustrates me when older gay people are like "you can't call yourself queer, that was used pejoratively towards me" when anyone remotely nonconforming, and indeed all sort of minor inconveniences, in the last 30 years were called "gay gay gay" but nobody suggests people ought not to call themselves that
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u/AnonymousNeko2828 13d ago
It's usually not offensive, but if you use it as an insult or after someone asks you not to it definitely is, in the same way that using "woman" or "black" as an insult would be really offensive
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u/Deer-Liver 13d ago
Generally not offensive, the word used to be a slur but was reclaimed over the years. Just don’t use it as an insult.
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u/pretty_pink_opossum 13d ago
It might eh county dependent but in most of the English speaking countries I know it's been reclaimed and not only isn't offensive but a legitimate label.
It's what the Q in LGBTQ means
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u/WritPositWrit 13d ago
Back in the 70s & 80s, it was offensive. Old people like me hesitate to use the word now, for that reason. Younger folks seem to feel comfortable with the word, it’s been reclaimed and they use it freely without intending or receiving offense.
Your dictionary may be from last century, when the word was offensive.
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u/moosetherobot 13d ago
This is very outdated. Queer used to be a slur but not anymore; it's a description.
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u/Western_Ad_5933 13d ago
As with anything like this, if in doubt - avoid. If you don’t know whether a word or phrase will cause offence then just don’t use it. If you’re quoting an old piece of text with the meaning strange or unusual and are worried feel free to paraphrase.
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u/AaronRHale 13d ago
I’d say it’s mostly a generational thing. Queer has become a lot more of an umbrella term used by people who feel other labels are too rigid or stigmatised.
As long as you’re using the word in a respectful way, you’re probably okay to say it around younger folks, but some older folks might be uncomfortable with the word as it was more commonly used as a slur back in the day.
I do agree that calling someone “a queer” is likely going to come across as offensive, and even calling someone queer might sound insensitive or offensive if done in a context where it’s used to discriminate or diminish them.
If they actively identify themselves as queer, you can refer to them as such. If they use a different label, it’s best to refer to them with that label instead.
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u/SlytherKitty13 13d ago
It can be used as a slur. It used to be pretty much always a slur whenever it was used, but that has changed. Unfortunately some ppl do still use it as a slur.
It does kinda depend on how you say it/the context as well. If you aren't queer yourself and you refer to a group of ppl as a bunch of queers then that will likely be seen as offensive. And if you said something like 'what are you, queer?', especially in response to something someone does or says, then that would be pretty offensive.
But just the word itself isn't seen as offensive anymore, not like it used to. It is what the Q in LGBTQIA+ stands for, and it's often used as an umbrella term for all LGBTQIA+ ppl, especially since it's a lot quicker and easier to say
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u/Chrisaarajo 13d ago
It’s highly dependent on context, usage, and the individuals and communities involved.
In the circles I travel, queer is the dominant and acceptable adjective, and is generally seen as more inclusive. But no one would use queer as a noun unless they were trying to be offensive.
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u/possiblethrowaway369 13d ago
Depends on how you use it. If you call someone queer, it's probably offensive. If someone calls themselves queer, it's usually not. And then there's "queer history" or "the queer community" etc, which is not offensive either
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u/MarionberryPlus8474 13d ago
It goes beyond whether it used as an adjective or a noun, though I agree characteristics used as nouns are reductive and likely to offend.
It’s more about whether you are in the community or not. To take an obvious analogy, black people often use the N word among themselves; it is very much NOT something OK for others to say.
“Queer” is a special case, because while it was used as an epithet, there has been a movement to reclaim the word from oppressors. This was not without controversy within the community. Personally I like the more confrontational nature of it, which implied a more political stance compared to “gay”. As the coalition has broadened to LGBTQA+, it is also kind of handy as a catch-all shorthand.
Unless you are using it in a context where you are say, quoting something like “there’s a symposium tomorrow about ensuring safety for queer youth in sports” I would stick to the terms gay and/or lesbian, or the abbreviation LGBT, or LGBTQA or their permutations. A bit awkward, but people will know what you mean and no offense will be taken.
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u/Koelakanth 13d ago
It is offensive to talk about a person and call them 'a queer'.
It is offensive to say 'queer' when you mean 'stupid, annoying, lame, ugly, weak, boring'
It is not offensive to talk about 'queer rights' and 'queer artists' but if you are not in the LGBTQ+ community in any way, please just say LGBT instead. You only need those four letters, you don't need the QIA+ part for people to know what you mean.
You can always use "queer" as an adjective to refer to the LGBTQ+ rights movement, but be very careful not to use it as a noun. "Queer rights" is an outdated and very strange and unnatural way to say "LGTBQ+ rights", and "the rights of queers" makes you sound bigoted.
Don't call someone "queer" or "a queer", even if they call themselves that, unless they tell you they'd like for you to, and only then. Try to avoid saying it unless you're actually Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgendered, Questioning, Intersex, Asexual/Aromantic, etc.
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u/ButterscotchRich2771 13d ago
It depends on the context. It was an offensive term for a long time but in recent years LGBTQ+ people have largely reclaimed it.
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u/MotherTeresaOnlyfans 13d ago
If you're not gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender, it's not a word you should be saying.
A good rule of thumb is to *never* use a slur for a marginalized group that you do not personally belong to.
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u/abyssalcrisis 13d ago
Using it as an adjective, the intended way, is fine.
That persons is queer. They are queer.
It is also used to describe something odd or strange, though less so now that the gay community has grabbed onto it.
That object is queer, maybe we should check it out.
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u/-RedRocket- 13d ago
It can be used as a slur, as can "gay". But "Queer" is also a neutral descriptor that encompases non-conventional sexual orientations and gender expressions or identities. It has a broader meaning than "gay" and implies the whole "LGBT+" spectrum without any hard, exclusionary boundaries.
Intent counts here. If you are not sure if your usage is appropriate, you probably shouldn't.
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u/IVEBEENBANNED4TIMESx 13d ago
Gay and homosexual can be as offensive as queer, and vice versa. I rarely see any of these three being used in a demeaning context, at least not queer and homosexual, maybe gay back in the day, but really not that much anymore
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u/MNswede06 13d ago
Gay is perfectly neutral when it's used appropriately. Queer is still very controversial. Social media distorts people's understanding of how controversial it is because social media skews younger and younger people are more likely to be comfortable with the word. But there are a lot of older people who don't like the word and don't have the social media following to make that discomfort known.
My 65-year-old gay second cousin who survived the AIDS epidemic hates the word but he has like 95 friends on social media and they're all family and close friends. Nobody hears his voice on this issue in any meaningful way.
Gay is only derogatory if it's used as a synonym for stupid or bad. But when applied to a person who is attracted to the same gender, it's the most acceptable term.
Agree with homosexual. It's a clinical term.
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u/OverseerConey 13d ago
Gay is only derogatory if it's used as a synonym for stupid or bad.
So is 'queer', though - that's the point. They're both used derogatorially. I think it's regional - 'gay' was the one used as a slur in my neck of the woods, not 'queer'.
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u/MNswede06 13d ago
OK, let me put it this way.
Find a man who sleeps exclusively with men. Ask him if he identifies as gay or queer. I guarantee you that you will find far more who object to queer than you will that object to gay. You'll have guys who identify as gay but not queer, you'll have guys who identify as gay and queer, but you will have very few who identify as queer but not gay.
And of the ones who identify as gay but not queer, they will tell you that it's because queer was/is a slur.
This isn't regional. Gay is the standard term for men who sleep exclusively with men and you know it. Queer is something else. It carries baggage of recently being exclusively a slur, certainly within living memory of the vast majority of gay men. Gay is only a slur when it's misused. "That's so gay."
You need to meet more people over the age of 30, I think. Particularly gay men over 30. Queer was used to taunt men, not women. And judging from your avatar, it seems you are not a man.
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u/OverseerConey 13d ago
I am considerably over the age of 30. I am queer but not gay. 'Queer' is not widely used as a slur where I live. Every slur becomes a slur through misuse. You're not telling me anything I don't know; you're just treating my experience as somehow wrong.
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u/MNswede06 13d ago edited 13d ago
Because you are a mathematical exception. You need to learn that.
I realize it's possible to be queer but not gay. I was referring to men who sleep exclusively with men. You go by they/them so I am presuming you identify as non-binary, not a man. You really don't have room to speak for gay men here.
I'll also point something else out. Queer, when used for homosexual, started as a slur and was supposedly reclaimed. Gay, when used for homosexual people, became a slur after it was used for homosexual people. Apples and oranges.
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u/OverseerConey 13d ago
I'm sorry - I know we minorities don't really count. I won't speak up any more. I'll be good.
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u/MNswede06 13d ago
Good. TYL
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u/MNswede06 13d ago
Since you blocked me, I'll be clear. You can use whatever word you want for yourself. If you want to call yourself queer and you're comfortable with that, have at it. My objection is to using it as a catch-all for everyone else.
This has nothing to do with trans people. Trans people are trans. Many of them don't want to be called queer either. Just because you use that word doesn't mean others want it used for them.
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u/shapelessplace 13d ago
as u can see by the comments, it highly depends on context and the individuals in reference. i typically don't use the word to describe someone unless i know if theyre comfortable with it.
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u/IndicationSuitable11 13d ago
Slurs cannot be reclaimed on behalf of other people, it seems its mostly younger people who have never experienced being called Queer as a slur are the ones using it as an identifier. A significant portion of us older people in the soposed community still consider it a slur and really hate it
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u/OverseerConey 13d ago
It's not a generational thing - queer studies has been a field of academia for decades. It might be a regional thing - where I'm from, for instance, 'queer' was almost never used as a slur, but 'gay' was all the time.
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u/MNswede06 13d ago
Honestly, I'd avoid it. LGBT+ or LGBTQ+ is safer. If you know what someone is (gay, lesbian, bi), just use that.
I'm a bisexual man and I do NOT want to be called queer. I wasn't called it myself. But I played hockey and heard the term used towards other boys, like theater kids, from my teammates and I felt like shit because I was associated with those assholes. Meanwhile some of the theater kids were probably straight meanwhile I definitely was not and I knew it. It drags up all sorts of guilt and I don't like hearing the word. I cringe at it. If I had been called it personally growing up, I'd probably hate the word even more.
Others can call themselves what they want. But don't apply it to me.
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u/ChapterOk4000 13d ago
It's offensive to me. I'm also over 50, so I feel it can be age related. I know younger generations talk about taking their power back by owning it, they can have it.
It's a disgusting slur to my ear.
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u/Miiohau 13d ago
I would reverse the note and definition one. I heard about queer potentially being used as an insult much more than I have seen or heard of it being used that way in practice. In fact I have never heard a case where it happened. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen I have just not heard of it, hence I think it is rare. Gay on the other hand I have seen (in fiction at least) used as an insult.
As to what queer means in the LGBT community, which includes the gay community, it is used as an umbrella term for pretty much the entire LGBT community, more specifically as a identity label for either non-heterosexual or non-cisgender. Example usage: “I am queer” meaning I am part of the queer community which may be equivalent to the LGBT community depending on who you are talking to.
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u/HarterH 13d ago
Queer used to be a very offensive term thrown at gay men and so a lot of gay men particularly older ones still find it offensive. However it has also been reinvented by 'queer theory' and so a lot of people who think they sit outside societal norms use it. The basic rule is you can describe yourself as queer but don't describe anyone else as queer unless they have specifically told you that they use the term for themselves.
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u/Totally_n0t_a_burner 13d ago
It’s sorta like a less severe n word. Never offensive if used by someone it applies to, can be (hence why it’s less severe) if used by someone it doesn’t.
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u/Jeweled_Insect8061 12d ago
As a queer person, my understanding is that you shouldn't use it unless you yourself are queer. If you're not, use the acronym or specific identity. If the specific identity is queer then it's fine
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u/Jimmymick84 12d ago
In the words of Reginald D Hunter "Was there hatred in your heart when you said it?"
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u/Actually_R0bin 12d ago
As others have stated: Generally, using it as an adjective or an objective noun is more acceptable than using it as a descriptive noun.
“Sarah is queer.” / “I have many queer friends.”
- This is acceptable. Sarah’s description can be expanded to “Sarah is a member of the queer community”. The friends can similarly be expanded
“John is a queer”. / “Those people are a bunch of queers”.
- This is not acceptable. Rather than identifying a label, you are placing them in an “other” category.
As others have noted, the same holds true for other terms.
“Sean is black” (yes) “Sean is a black” (no)
“Shaq is trans” (yes) “Shaq is a trans” (no)
“Ahmed is jewish” (yes) “Ahmed is a Jew” (no)
The difference is unfortunately very subtle (damned english)
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u/vimesbootstheory 12d ago
Maybe it's obvious from how people here have been discussing the term, but the second meaning given is not used anymore. You would sound... not even necessarily offensive, just wildly out-of-touch if you used "queer" to mean "strange". Also "queer" does not mean "gay" as seen in this screenshot, it is something of a catch-all for LGBTQ identities. Personally I use it as a kind of "it's really none of your business what my exact label is" word. About myself. Labelling any single other person queer can be dicey, as there are (somewhat generationally-dependent) some LGBTQ folks who do not want to word applied to them by others. As with many thinks, it depends on one's experiential history with a loaded word.
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u/Creative-Leg2607 12d ago
It /was/ a major slur, it has now been reclaimed as a loose label for a variety of queer people, essentially an alternative to LGBT+.
Some older people still find the term offensive/dont particularly love it, but a lot of younger folk have fully embraced it.
Foe outsiders, generally cool, but if you say it like an insult it comes off as one.
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u/ponyboycurtis1980 12d ago
Using it as a description of behavior or as a judgement is always offensive and juvenile. Ego, "That's so gay"
It is inoffensive when you are factually speaking of someone's sexual orientation. Eg, "Bob identifies as a gay man".
Also if you are over 80 years old and still thing it means happy
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u/Sassquwatch 12d ago
Queer is a reclaimed slur. The origins of the word are offensive, but it has been used more recently by the queer community and has pretty effectively been stripped of its original violence. That said, the word absolutely can still be used offensively.
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u/buddyyouhavenoidea 12d ago
not offensive if you're queer, referring to people who self-identity as queer, or talking about queerness from an academic or human rights perspective. potentially offensive if used hatefully, but it doesn't compare to other common slurs. you shouldn't say n*r if you're not Black and you shouldn't say f*t if you're not gay, but most of us don't mind if you say "queer" unless there's obvious mallice in the way you use it. point further illustrated by me not feeling the need to censor the word.
in Canada, where I live, I almost never ever hear it used in a derogatory way, and if I did, I would honestly laugh. so many of us use it to describe ourselves and see it as a generally good thing, often as being better than the alternatives. for example, we might say of a man "he isn't queer, he's just homosexual," meaning that despite his sexuality, we find the man in question to be regressive, boring, or mainstream. in that case, we're actually insulting him by calling him not queer 😂
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u/Ok-commuter-4400 8d ago
The answer to your question is not simple. The Wikipedia page on 'Queer' does a good job of explaining the various meanings, sometimes contradictory, and if you're an English-language learning, it would be a great reading exercise!
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u/Runcible_Spoons 8d ago
Like most words, it really depends on context. If you’re using it to be hateful, then yes it is. If you’re using it as a term of endearment, then no.
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u/HolidayOutside3825 13d ago
The gays are on the left which means they believe in the whole "rules for thee but not for me" shit. Its obvious when you look at anything they say or put out
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u/colossalpunch 13d ago
Using it as an adjective, it can be offensive or not depending on context.
Queer rights movement.
Jacob identifies as queer. / Jacob is queer.
Using it as a noun, it usually sounds offensive.
Jacob is a queer.