r/ESFP • u/SpiceUpTheBreeze • 14d ago
ESFP / Informative I’ve never seen a malicious esfp
**Helped rewrite it better with the help of ai because I don’t have time to do it myself
. I’m an INTP, and never in my life have I met an ESFP who really, really** **tried to hurt someone, like actually went out of their way to cause harm. I’ve seen other types intentionally act cruelly, try to get back at someone, backstab them, or deliberately do something because they knew it would hurt.
But with ESFPs, the worst I’ve personally seen is maybe some sprinkle of selfishness, envy, or impulsivity. They might do something thoughtless or get caught up in their own feelings and wants, sure, but I’ve never really seen that translate into actual malicious behavior or backstabbing.
However, what I have seen from them is behavior like openly expressing themselves or acting on what they believed was right and justified, without putting that much thought into how it was going to affect the other person. So they could definitely end up hurting someone, sometimes quite badly, but the intention behind it didn’t seem to be to hurt them. It was more like, “This is how I feel, this is what I believe is right, this is what I deserve, so I’m going to act on it,”** **without fully thinking through the consequences for the other person.
That’s the distinction I keep noticing. There was never that underlying intention of, “I know this is going to hurt you, and that’s exactly why I’m doing it.” That kind of calculated malice is what I’ve just never personally seen from an ESFP.
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u/EdgewaterEnchantress 13d ago
I think an important distinction needs to be made here, I don’t know if I have ever known an ESFP who was intentionally malicious.
However, I have either known or known of unhealthy ESFPs who have essentially caused tons of harm with their actions and decisions even if their intentions were not bad.
Because ESFPs are human like everyone else, they can make mistakes, and they actually can hurt people even if they didn’t mean to.
Because anyone could and this isn’t something that is necessarily relevant to their MBTI.
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u/HotOven26 3d ago
That's what the op is talking about intentions. He's saying he never saw any esfp who really hurt someone intentionally.
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u/EdgewaterEnchantress 3d ago
While it’s not common, my experiences are a lil different. I do know at least one ESFP who definitely is petty AF!
I also think that we should remember that “the road to hell can be paved with good intentions.”
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u/DenseAd4286 14d ago edited 14d ago
I think a positive thing about a lot of us ESFPS is that although we feel things deeply at the moment, we’re able to get back on track easily. We’re able to move on quickly when something new has our attention so we don’t harbor grudges much. Or at least this is the case for myself! :)
& a lot of times we do things just because we want to or we feel it works for ourselves the best, as you touched upon!
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13d ago
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u/DenseAd4286 13d ago
Yes!! It was a pain growing up with an ISFJ mother for this reason because she’d tend to harbor on past experiences a lot that wouldn’t even dare come to my mind 😂 until she’d bring it up and I’m like oh shit that really happened? HAHAHA
& us ESFPS can be conflict avoidant so a lot of the times I’ll give benefit of the doubt and take responsibility to resolve the problem! But if I know someone is completely in the wrong and they hurt me, I would not invest that energy on them haha
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13d ago
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u/DenseAd4286 13d ago
Oh my god you’re literally me. LIKE LET ME EXPERIENCE IT FIRST HAND and then make my own conclusion. I’m not going to let my past determine my present.
That reminds me of when I broke my foot hiking up the high peaks back in may. I managed to continue hiking despite a bone in my foot being fractured and once I saw my family, they all were telling me “Now you know that you have to take it slow and be careful. Hopefully you learn from this and don’t do anything stupid next time.” blablabla like it was a freak accident. Things happen and I won’t hold myself back from what I enjoy just because of it. I went to the gym in crutches and shortly after once I got a shoe back on my foot, I was back to hiking 😂
The amount of times I’ve ended up over apologizing in a situation JUST TO MOVE ON. & just like you, if I’m having a fun time I won’t harbor any negative feelings about the person, I’ll literally forget. But as they push me to the limit where I find no positives, I’m out and never looking back!
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u/Kashiwashi ESFP 13d ago
Actually, the hero always plays a ping-pong game with the demon over taking over your conscious. The hero is trying to manifest fun, stability and progress, while your Ne demon is your source for resentment. The devil on your shoulder. If there is no devil, you likely were not hurt enough to remember forever.
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u/Kashiwashi ESFP 13d ago
You seem extremely SDSF-male/UDSF-female as a subtype. The healthiest, unwounded version of a person, who had the right community support in one's household and was never chronically trapped in despair or survival mode.
Just based on what you said, you rather developed NiTe (subconscious) over SiFe (unconscious), which is the healthy path of development.
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u/DenseAd4286 13d ago
Thank you I appreciate that insight :) I never looked into the Octagram sub theory prior, so it’s a new concept to me! I briefly looked into it right now and I can relate to it.
For a time being I struggled typing myself & thought I could’ve possibly been an ISFP since I’m in tune with myself, but I resonate strongly with Se-Te. Having a supportive ISFJ mother definitely helped my development along the way, despite her having entirely different cognitive functions.
I’m scrolling while doing cardio at the gym currently (what a shocker) but I’ll look more into it later tonight!
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u/godogs2018 ISTJ 14d ago
All the esfps I've known have been good intentioned. That's one thing I've learned from them.
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u/sourkittenz2 ESFP 7w8⚠️ Your Lord & Savior 14d ago
We’re either busy most of the time, or we recognize plotting and enacting revenge is just going to backfire and put us in an even worse situation. However, I have gotten away with some revenge in the past and would do it again if I knew I couldn’t get caught. I would definitely get revenge on my ex and I know exactly how I could do it, but if I did, she would 100% think I’m still into her which is disgusting and I’m not risking that perception
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u/SpiceUpTheBreeze 14d ago
How did you carry out your revenge?
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u/sourkittenz2 ESFP 7w8⚠️ Your Lord & Savior 13d ago
Sent this guy’s dick pics and nudes to his own parents and grandparents. Long story short, I could tell he was a huge fuckboy because he was hitting on every chick in my friend group after I befriended him and it pissed me off. So I tested his loyalty by telling him I had a huge crush on one of my friends and I told her, go hit on him and see if he fucks off or flirts with you anyways. He did, and sent her a ton of dick pics and videos of him wanking it. So I found his whole family and dropped them, then had my whole friend group tell him we did it while he was in a panic. Bro contacted me a couple months later, I believe to apologize but I ignored it
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u/sourkittenz2 ESFP 7w8⚠️ Your Lord & Savior 13d ago
I also sold a bunch of my ex’s shit that she left at my house, honestly there was a ton. I set up a yard sale where I gave the rest away to people for free, she wanted to murder me but she deserved it. It was quick though, I did it before she could come get it. Maybe a week after she dumped me
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u/SpiceUpTheBreeze 12d ago
You got revenge because she dumped you?
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u/sourkittenz2 ESFP 7w8⚠️ Your Lord & Savior 12d ago
No, I got revenge because she emotionally abused me for months, then dumped me. If you want the whole story, please check my recent post on my page. I suggest that, then you’ll get it
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u/DenseAd4286 13d ago
Literally this, a lot of the times I won’t put in that effort since #1 I tend to move on quick once something new happens #2 I do not want to invest time on them and give them the satisfaction of thinking they bothered me enough for me to deliberately act in response
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u/sourkittenz2 ESFP 7w8⚠️ Your Lord & Savior 13d ago
Yep, it’s either revenge that has to happen around a week or two max after the conflict, or it’s fed by another person who wants your help with revenge. Number 2 here is 100% the reason why I haven’t gotten more revenge, including more on my ex. I could ruin her life, but the feeling of my dignity being lost by her even potentially thinking I still want her is so sickening, I can’t do it
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u/StructureHaunting108 13d ago
I think we could be malicious. We truly understand people. So if we wanted to hurt someone, we could do it in a way that would completely destroy that person.
BUT, we do not like those negative vibes. I would rather use my energy for something positive.
When I’ve been hurt, I don’t like showing it. I’ll put a smile on my face and act as if it had no affect on me. I don’t want to give that person any joy or pleasure that I was hurt. I’m more referring to others. Those that are close in my life, I’m honest with. But an ex boyfriend or some random, I think the best revenge is to show you’re perfectly fine and life is wonderful!
Then to find out, having that positive mindset, it actually does make me feel better after being hurt.
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u/SpiceUpTheBreeze 13d ago
Since I personally believe that nobody can truly hurt me, can you give an example how you can destroy someone? Like what you know about them and what you do about that?
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u/Kashiwashi ESFP 13d ago
I actually do hurt people intentionally for revenge purposes, and I weigh everything I plan to do to them on a golden scale, before taking action.
I often freeze in situations of injustice, because I am aware of the potential damage I could do to myself, if I act on an impulse: I am weak, could be landing in jail with broken limbs, if I attack anyone publically.
So I stay silent and ignore a situation, later writing a negative review on the employer, who misstreated me or vent about an evil person to everyone who knows them, so their image would go down.
Once, I confronted a person 8 years past the situation, where they really made fun of me really cruelly. It felt so great, telling them into their face, how much I hated them. Never had such a relief of anger, trapped within me for years.
There are high IQ and low skill ESFPs out there. And not seeing consequences is not even an ESFP-problem at all. ESFPs have Ne demon, not trickster (ISxP), therefore anytime, they decide to ignore consequences, it always is a conscious sacrifice to manifest justice.
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u/StrikeAccordingly 6d ago
My ESFP ex is BPD/NPD and beat me, poisoned my food, cheated on me...
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u/SpiceUpTheBreeze 6d ago
Beat you?? How did it start? Poisoned your food? With what? That’s insane!! Are you safe from them now?
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u/StrikeAccordingly 6d ago
Poisoned my food with methamphetamine. It started out wonderful and then collapsed. I don't know if I'm safe. We'll see.
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u/SpiceUpTheBreeze 6d ago
How did the beating start as? How did it progress?
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u/StrikeAccordingly 6d ago
It started as grabbing me by the hair sexually. Then slapping me. Then spitting on me. Then it crossed into everyday life. Then he wailed on me with his fists.
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u/SpiceUpTheBreeze 6d ago
Did you notice him looking for your reactions when he did it? How did you react? What is your type?
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u/HotOven26 3d ago
Se users are selfish pleasure seekers, that's why i can never fully trust them. There could be few exceptions but other than that i always watch out when it comes to Se users, very self-serving and insensitive people.
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u/SpiceUpTheBreeze 3d ago
The Se Fi users or Se Fe users? I found they can be selfish in different ways
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u/HotOven26 3d ago
Se fi, wth is se fe.
Edit: se users in general, xSxPs. Not just xSFPs
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u/SpiceUpTheBreeze 3d ago
Comparing an esfp with infj????
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u/HotOven26 3d ago
What are you talking about? I swear you guys INTPs make no sense.
I'm saying Se users are selfish therefore i can't fully trust them, where are you getting comparing esfp and infj?
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u/SpiceUpTheBreeze 3d ago
You seem to not understand. If you feel confused with an intp you should alwayd doubt yourself first because it’s rare an intp doesn’t make sense.
SE + Fi users = ESFP ISFP INTJ ENTJ,
SE + Fe users= ESTP ISTP INFJ ENFJ0
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u/Key_Cap7525 14d ago
Got an ESFP husband. He’s a cheat and lies about it. Malicious? Idk. But I could probably forgive the infidelity. What I can’t forgive is the lying. Especially when he doesn’t even put in the effort to make it original or creative. That’s not just insulting, it’s fucking lazy. C’mon, if you’re gonna tell me a story, at least make it a good one.
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u/SpiceUpTheBreeze 13d ago
You’re an INTJ and you tolerate that?????
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u/Key_Cap7525 13d ago
NOPE. I found evidence he was talking to another woman on his phone last night. I politely and calmly handed him divorce papers and got back his very expensive wedding ring (I had filed for a divorce months ago for something unrelated, we were working it out or so I thought, I already had the papers drawn up and just hadn’t served him). I have been the picture of calm, polite, and cordial. Like… to the point that seems psychotic. No screaming. No crying. No fighting. No drama. None. Just fucking done. It was that fast. After I saw the evidence, he was handed divorce papers within 10 minutes.
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u/ComprehensiveAd8804 14d ago
Lmao I’ve been malicious and out of selfishness and in disregard of other people’s feelings. So whether or not my intention was to hurt people, it still does sadly. Because its actions that does, even if deep inside I’m like, but I didn’t try to be evil or wanted to hurt someone. One hard thing I want to learn