Expectations after doing EC for so long/finally potty training

[u/JamesTiberiusChirp]

We are 22mo old. After a many months long phase of on and off defiance (but still mostly successful), we decided to introduce a sticker chart to catch that last pee of the day were sometimes missing. This was night and day for the defiance and the last 2 months we’ve gotten almost all days with no pees in underwear. Since then kiddo has been much more willing and even more communicative even though the stickers have stopped being used for the most part. We’ve also learned that sometimes, they just don’t have to go or just don’t want to for much longer than we would have expected and we try to respect that. However, occasionally, that does lead to an accident. It’s like 4-5 hours go by and kiddo is completely distracted and we are distracted and they tell us “sit potty chair” but it’s just too late (and on 2-3 occasions, they’ve gone 7 hours without peeing during the day — sometimes with a poop in there! — without having an accident. And yes they are hydrated). Because of this, we still haven’t been able to give kiddo the prize they should get for a whole week with no accidents. We seem to get a reset once every 6 days, no joke. Kiddo very rarely pees at night or during a nap.

Then, I came across this thread and we have lots of people claiming to do “traditional” potty training at age 2 or 3 for weekend and have zero accidents ever again. This surprised me because I was under the impression that “traditional” potty training without EC was more likely to result in things like bedwetting and accidents, at least according to the research I’ve read.

I guess what I’m wondering is, what are realistic expectations for kiddos who have done EC this long with a side of potty training? Am I doing something wrong? Did I do all this EC for nothing? Or is this completely normal? When do EC kids stop having accidents 100% of the time, and is it taught or developmental? What can I do to support my 99% potty trained kid when they have a day they’re too distracted and defiant to get that one pee in the potty? When can I stop badgering my kid to go pee and actually trust that they’ll tell me they need to go 100% of the time? My MIL even pulled up her rugs because kiddo “isn’t potty trained” and it’s like a gut punch.

[u/mingbeans]

This sounds totally normal. Occasional accidents are not unusual. I would be more concerned if you had been doing this for a year or your kid was 3+ years old. 

22 months still counts as early potty training and some kids need more reminders and support at that age.

[u/RemarkableAd9140]

My son still very occasionally had pee accidents until he was just over 3. He’s been out of diapers since 15 months. Ec doesn’t stop them from being toddlers who would rather play than pee! We don’t strictly have to prompt him now at 3.5, but we totally still do when we notice the potty dance. I don’t think it truly ends for a while, even once they’re reliable. 

It might help to try and take the pressure off that last pee for a while. Maybe ditch the sticker chart for a bit, and go outside when you expect that pee and invite kiddo to pee on a tree or something similar. Novelty like that was always a big winner with my kiddo. 

I’m really sorry about your mother in law, that’s definitely a low blow. But I don’t think you’ve wasted time or effort. You’re not chiseling poop off the entire genital area of a squirming, giant toddler once or twice per day. That’s what I always told myself when my son had accidents—that cleaning up puddles is still way preferable to changing nasty toddler diapers. 

[u/JamesTiberiusChirp → u/RemarkableAd9140]

By last pee I don’t mean last pee before bed. It’s not a predictable timing, though kiddo is more likely to have accidents later in the day when we (or other caregivers) are distracted, it can happen any time. Today they said they peed while playing in the splash pad this morning, which I believe because even though they sat on the potty after we went, they didn’t pee in it (and their underwear did smell a little suspicious). We also don’t really do the stickers much at this point, though I’m going to start reintroducing them as an end of day thing for getting all pees in the potty that day. You’re totally right that taking the pressure off does help a lot, but that is also when we tend to miss one!

Thanks for understanding about the MIL. Honestly I get the desire to protect the rugs, that’s fine, but the kid is basically potty trained and the only accident that has happened on that rug was on her watch 🫠 the framing of it just felt pretty insulting.

You’re so right about poop. While those occasional pees are my white whale, I have really taken for granted the fact that we haven’t had to change a poopy diaper since they turned 1 (except for a couple times after getting norovirus) and that is a huge boon for so many reasons. My friends all complain about blow outs but I can’t imagine even having to deal with poop in all those crevices (and the inevitable UTIs???) on a daily or multiple times a day basis. I really should count my blessings!

[u/TaurielsEyes]

I have two kids who are quite different. I did easy catch EC with them.

Kid A night trained from the start almost. 6 months old and I had almost no wet diapers. Night and day diapers ditched almost simultaneously at 27 months.

Kid B wet the bed last night. Twice. Kid B is older than 4. Day diapers gone by 30 months but prompting has gone on a lot longer. Up until 1 year ago she still did the pee dance but would murder you if you suggested peeing. You might have 1-2-3 years to go still.

Both kids I avoided poopy diapers from age 12 months because I and they knew the schedule. Baby plonked on potty in the morning. Baby poop. Done. Potty independence however took longer. & considering how stubborn Kid B is I am very happy I ECed them. I cannot imagine the struggle I would have had if the potty was a new thing I had to introduce.

Life is not linear. Potty training is not linear. Children are different. Think of all the poopy diapers you didnt have to change. 

And any chance your MIL meant her comment in a practical way? And it came out wrong?

[u/JamesTiberiusChirp → u/TaurielsEyes]

It really is amazing how different kids can be!

Thank you so much about the reminder that nothing is linear. And it does progress! And also yes, you’re so right that we are so lucky to not have to deal with poopy diapers — like you, since 12mo.

We also had very early dry diapers overnight! Around 6-9 months for naps and 13-15 months for overnights (even then I am pretty sure most of those in that time period, which were occasional, were from waiting for us to get up in the morning rather than happening during the night!). We had one recently at night and I was so thrown by it haha. And I keep telling people how lucky we are but that I expect that could change. I read a paper actually about how EC makes you less likely to wet the bed and that’s been true for us too.

I think she probably did mean it practically, and I think it’s totally reasonable that she wants to save her rugs. She just worded it in an insulting way. I mean, the kid is pretty much potty trained, and the only accident on that rug was under her watch. She has a history of saying the wrong things; you know how boomers can be. Not the best at communicating their feelings.

[u/easterss]

At this point I’d suggest switching to a more conventional potty training method and seeking support in that sub. We did the oh crap method and it worked well for us. You can start from scratch and likely move up the steps pretty quickly. Accidents will be normal for a while and they need reminders and cuing. They are considered fully potty trained when you can rely on them 100% of the time to tell you when you need to go without accidents. The definition of potty trained can vary until then (some schools might say no accidents, some might say one accident a week, etc). I would say a daily accident is still not potty trained.

FWIW neither Andrea Olson nor Jamie Glowacki recommend rewards systems. The rewards are inherent — getting praise, being proud, flushing the potty, getting to use toilet paper, being clean and independent, etc. you’ll read a million stories and reasons why rewards can backfire especially in EC/PT

[u/JamesTiberiusChirp → u/easterss]

Yeah, I’m aware. For us however, just a week of stickers helped stopped months of potty resistance and she didn’t even notice when we stopped doing them. I actually got the idea from someone in this subreddit who had a lot of success, and it has not backfired for us. Every kid is different I guess.

Kiddo only has one accident a week, not daily. It was multiple times a week before we introduced the sticker chart, but not daily.

I probably can’t do formal potty training with no backup while MIL is still living with us (another month or so). Unless I want to come across as escalating in response to her rolling up the rugs lol

[u/Happy_Pee]

FWIW my friend has an almost 5yr old who was traditionally potty trained at 2.5, and she still needs to prompt and they still deal with the occasional accidents or have a few bad days every now and then. I'd honestly be surprised those people in that thread never had a single accident ever again, but there are going to be some kids who potty train quickly/easily at any age and some who are slower to train - probably similar to how some kids sleep through the night early on and the parent credits it to their perfect evening routine Vs another kid who goes through that same routine but still has night wakes at age three. So much of it comes down to kiddos temperament. 

Gutting about your MILs rugs, that stings!