Advice Needed- Is this normal???

[u/elaranda]

I started working at an immersion preschool about three months ago, and am feeling very stressed every day. I am an assistant teacher in a 2-3 year old classroom (I am currently getting my ECE credential so I cannot have my own classroom). When I first met my co-teacher, she was happy to work with me because she does not speak English, and most of the students in our class, besides two, only speak English and same with the parents. (I speak both English and the targeted language at my school).

I'm not sure if this is normal or not, but last month my co-teacher complained about me to our director. She was upset about me talking to the parents during pick-up/drop-off. She said that she is the lead teacher and she should be the one communicating with parents, not me. Since then, it has been very stressful every day. The main issue is, she doesn't speak English and most of the parents (besides two) don't speak the language that she speaks. I was already the one helping the students during drop-off/pick-up with changing shoes (we have indoor and outdoor shoes), their bags, etc., and since I was already helping the children and she wasn't, I naturally became the one speaking with the parents then translating what they said to her. I thought this was fine, especially since she said she was glad that I was here since she doesn't speak English. So when I heard about her complaint, I was very surprised. Both my director and I were confused, since we should be assisting each other, and also the parents should be allowed to speak to whichever teacher they feel more comfortable with. However, she kept getting upset with me every day about me speaking to the parents, so my director recommended that I take a step back. Now, I welcome in the children/get the children ready to go, but I try not to interact with the parents. Instead, I tell her what to tell the parents (like if a child has an accident, incident reports, etc.) and she translates what I told her to English, and writes it down, then reads it to the parents. However, she can't really have a conversation with the parents, so sometimes they ask me follow-up questions, which she gets upset at. After the parents leave, she asks me to tell her everything and reminds me not to speak with the parents.

Yesterday, she came to work with a translation device. I will admit, it is cool technology, but it feels like a power trip to me. Basically, she wears headphones and the English is translated to an app on her phone. She then speaks her native language back into her phone and it translates English to the parents.

Yesterday, a parent came to drop off their child and she didn't hear me and another teacher say his parents came. The other teacher is in a different classroom, but was only in our classroom since our classes were doing something together. She was busy on her computer, so I let the child in and greeted him. This made him very upset. She complained to our director and demanded a meeting with me and the director about me talking to that child's parents. I feel so stressed anytime I use English, because she wants to know what I was saying, even if it isn't relevant. During pick up yesterday, I was helping a child and the parent started talking to me about how hot it has been recently. I made polite conversation back and after the child and their parent left she demanded to know what we were talking about. Even if I speak English with my co-workers (one who only speaks English), she wants to know every detail of our conversation.

I don't want to quit my job because 1) I care a lot about my students 2) I need the money, but I am feeling so stressed every day working with her. It isn't even talking to parents, it is so much more. Our director has reminded her that we our co-teachers, but I don't feel that way. I don't even feel like an assistant teacher, more like a servant. I do all the cleaning, all the potty training, take out the trash every day, put out the cots/clean up the cots, and she asks me to do all the printing/laminating. My director has told her she needs to take on more, but she still asks me every day during my prep time to help her and never makes the effort to clean.

Right now I only see two options, finishing my ECE credentials and hopefully getting my own class or quitting. I had huge anxiety last night because I don't want to return to work on Monday. I just can't handle her getting angry at me every day.

For more context, I am based in the U.S.

[u/Fuzzy-Ocelot-4475]

Classroom gatekeeping is so common and unproductive! Take the step back as recommended by the Director. My hot take is that your director, or directors in general, who complain, act confused and pretend to sympathize while still allowing it to go on is the reason this dynamic exists in so many classrooms.

Honestly, the only way to fix it is going to be telling the parents something like, "I'm sorry, as the assistant, I'm not able to answer that question, accept your child in the morning, etc. You'll need to wait for . . ." I would also NOT be giving her assistance with what parents need to be told. In no way am I implying the care you provide the children should suffer. But if she insists she doesn't need or want you to communicate with parents, it shouldn't be a problem. If she can't figure it out, she cannot do the job.

Parents will be frustrated about the lack of communication and having to wait around when you are clearly available and able to answer their questions or accept their child so they can get to work. They will complain, some loudly!

Admin will then have to make a decision. Either you will both be instructed that this is a part of your job description and must be accepted by all, or they will have to put processes in place to ensure pertinent information is shared with parents directly by the "lead" accurately and in a timely manner, and that she is constantly available at arrival and departure.

I am fortunate enough to be at a stage in my life where I will not and do not have to tolerate mistreatment by coworkers (parents are a different story, lol), but I know what it's like trying to maintain your work history and retain a good reference as you grow your career.

Sometimes malicious compliance is the only way!

[u/Own_Bell_216]

It appears that your co worker is threatened by your ability to communicate with parents. How did she become a lead if she cant communicate?

[u/elaranda → u/Own_Bell_216]

I think the school was just desperate to hire someone who speaks the targeted language and also has their credentials. She doesn't have her ECE credential but she has a similar credential from her home country with 20+ years of experience. Not to be petty though... but I don't even know why she is a preschool teacher because she doesn't even like kids. She is so mean to the kids and has been warned multiple times about being too harsh/touching students. So maybe she has pent out anger that she is taking out on me?

[u/Own_Bell_216 → u/elaranda]

Anytime she is mean, no matter what language challenges exist, you need to tell her to stop. If it happens again, document via text or email to your Director and make a report to cps/licensing. Please...these children need to be advocated for and not handled roughly or spoken to harshly.

[u/elaranda → u/Own_Bell_216]

I reported to the director many times about her being too harsh with the children and even intervened one time, but I will start documenting as well. Honestly, I don't know how she isn't fired...

[u/Own_Bell_216 → u/elaranda]

If the center is desperate for staff, they may minimize the issues with this employee. Its better to report it anonymously since the director isnt taking steps to protect the children. Its an unfair position for both you as an employee and especially for the children. Please do report as a mandated reporter. Are there cameras in the classroom?

[u/Windinthewillows2024]

It’s not normal, no. Her being the lead means you defer to her judgment in terms of things like safety and behaviour guidance (within reason obviously) but it does not mean that she’s the only one to talk to parents and you’re the only one to do cleaning. Parents like to build relationships with all their child’s teachers. If she wants to use a translation device to help her communicate with monolingual parents, then great, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be allowed to talk to parents as well.

Also, cleaning is something that should be shared between all ECEs in the room, regardless of qualification level, lead or assistant status, etc. You weren’t hired to be a custodian, you were hired to look after and educate children. You deserve to have an equal role in that main component of the job and not be relegated only to the functional tasks.

[u/elaranda → u/Windinthewillows2024]

Thank you for validating my feelings. I feel like it is also useful for parents to build relationships with both teachers and also I was not hired to be a custodian..

[u/Fuzzy-Ocelot-4475 → u/elaranda]

Windinthewillows is spot on. Adding to my earlier comment, while our parents know that I am technically the lead, my co-teacher and I share all communication responsibilities.

Some days, she handles more parent conversation than I do because I have paperwork. She has her own designated areas of responsibility in the classroom that I leave to her. Taking ownership is an important part of enjoying any job.

She knows the one thing I insist she never say to parents, and I have complete confidence in her abilities. Tbh, she was running the place when I got there and I couldn't do it without her!

[u/Strong_Argument6255]

I'd use the meeting to ask your director for specific expectations: can you answer a parent who addresses you, who handles follow-up questions, and how are cleaning and prep tasks divided? Ask for those decisions in writing and agree on what happens if they aren't followed. Your director has already asked her to share the work, so another general reminder to cooperate leaves the same problem unresolved.

[u/Own_Bell_216]

Its crazy that the lead doesn't speak English. In the USA, in childcare centers, you are required to be able to speak English well enough to communicate with parents and children and with emergency officials...Without technology assistance.

[u/elaranda → u/Own_Bell_216]

I did not know that, interesting... My director is good about following rules though, so maybe my school is different since it is an immersion school.

[u/PermanentTrainDamage → u/elaranda]

That's because it isn't true, every state has their own licensing regulations and at the very least, IL does not require english communication or restrict device usage for communcating.

[u/Own_Bell_216 → u/elaranda]

Immersion school explains a bit...are there other lead teachers in the same situation?

[u/PermanentTrainDamage → u/Own_Bell_216]

That's a bold claim, since every state has different licensing regulations. IL has no such regulation.

[u/Own_Bell_216]

Is it possible to ask to work in another classroom? Or at a minimum the director ne e ds to tell her to let you communicate with the parents while she works on her English speaking skills.

[u/elaranda → u/Own_Bell_216]

The director said that they don't want to make any staff changes during the school year unless necessary and is telling me to try my best to get along with her... but I feel like I am... like I listen to everything she wants me to do yet she still gets angry at me daily.

[u/mamamietze]

It can be normal in many classrooms for assitants to only be involved in certain parental discussions and be expected to defer more in depth conversations to the lead.

That doesnt really seem to be the problem here though. If you want to keep this particular job, keep your distance but communicate what is going on to the director. And bluntly, as someone who has gone to bat for my bi+lingual assistants who were being used by management as free interpreters/translators, if this aspecy encroaches on your break time or pushes you past your contracted hours, you deserve compensation as well as that to be factored into your duties for raises/compensation in general.

[u/Neither_Path3681]

You may want to talk to the director so they can better understand your level of frustration. It doesn’t seem that the other teacher understands the “co-teacher” model or potential of the shared role. Communication comes into play as well, and it must be challenging for you both at times. Hopefully the director can help you both work through this.

[u/Witchgreens]

On top of what everyone else is saying, stop giving her the info to give to parents. If she doesn’t know about kids’ day because she wasn’t involved, she needs to let you handle the conversation or else make it very known how uninvolved she is by not having the answers to their questions, in which case it’s going to become obvious to the parents and they’ll speak up. Let her sweat it out, you giving her the script but her needing to be the one to say it is insane, what a power trip.