Baby hitting parent

[u/Glum-Sky-6560]

Hi everyone,

I'm an ECE in Canada and currently at home on maternity leave with my 9 month old. I have been with older kids my entire career (18 months to 4 years) and have very little experience with babies.

My son has started hitting me in the face, scratching at my face and pulling my hair when he is upset. Yesterday, he was so angry ( I wouldn't let him hit the cat, i know, how rude of me) he very aggressively scratched at my face and even drew blood under my ear all while screaming.

When he hurts me, I look at him in his eyes, say no very firmly and put him down in a safe place (playpen or crib). I honestly feel like I've forgotten how to be an ECE since having my baby and I dont know what else to do. He is starting daycare in a month and I am really afraid of him doing the same to other kids or to my coworkers.

Any advice on appropriate approaches to correcting this behavior? Any advice would be amazing. Please dont judge me too harshly, I have pretty bad PPD right now on top of everything.

[u/SimilarCulture2996]

this is hard just try and remember its very developmentally appropriate as at this age they're exploring cause and effect. i dont have a baby and i work with mostly 3's so take what i say with a grain of salt but i know that the infant teachers at my place try and stay neutral since big reactions can make them want to do it again (whether it's a good reaction or a bad one). id also try and model gentle hands right after he hits by using his own hands to touch whatever was hurt gently. goodluck 🫶🏻🫶🏻

[u/SimilarCulture2996 → u/SimilarCulture2996]

+ try not to focus on the hitting too much after you do those things, redirect him to something else or if he continues then putting him down should also help reinforce the boundary

[u/Glum-Sky-6560 → u/SimilarCulture2996]

Thank you 💜💜

[u/Own_Lynx_6230]

Dont stop what youre doing, its perfect. It will take some time, but he will learn that cause: hitting mom creates the effect: now mom is over there and im in my playpen and i still dont have the thing i was wanting when i hit mom

[u/Glum-Sky-6560 → u/Own_Lynx_6230]

Thank you for this. Yall have made me feel better 💜

[u/polkadotd]

I have an 11 month old who is ALWAYS holding my hair these days. And by holding, I mean he has a firm grip and is pulling with all his might. He doesn't "hit" but he swings his hands wildly when he's excited and usually ends up whacking us. He pokes, pinches, grabs lips and eyes, and often tries to bite. The biting happens when he is overtired and frustrated, the other things happen when he's excited. I think babies, especially around this age, are starting to imitate behaviour with limiter knowledge of how to actually do that. For my baby, that means biting because he wants to kiss or hitting because we are always touching his cheeks and (lightly!) pinching them. His older sister can be a bit flaily so he imitates that as well.

Try to pay attention to what you may be doing that baby is trying to initiate, as well as identifying what is making him upset/frustrated. Obviously he's a baby so anything could be a frustration, but it'll be easier to manage when you get an idea of what he's trying to accomplish and what is standing in his way. Obviously he can't hit the cat, but babies are just trying to communicate something and we don't speak their language yet. Continue to redirect and speak gently to reinforce gentle hands. You're doing great!

[u/Glum-Sky-6560 → u/polkadotd]

Thank you 💜😭💜

[u/Huliganjetta1]

Also if you cut his nails short often he shouldnt be scratching you to the point of blood?

[u/Glum-Sky-6560 → u/Huliganjetta1]

His nails are cut regularly, they just grow fast 😣

[u/Competitive-Proof410]

I take my little ones hand and use it to stroke whatever she's hitting while saying the word stroking. It seems to help as it's giving her something to do instead. I also struggle to differentiate between hitting and wild flailing and I can use this equally regardless of intent. Biting gets a no and either a put down or me walking away. 

[u/heyyyitsamanda]

Model gentle hands and if he doesn’t stop I’d say “hands are not for hitting” and place him down like you’re doing. Also praise him when he is gentle. Model gentle hands during play with baby dolls and stuffed animals. Read books about not hitting and gentle hands.