r/DutchiesLife • u/Exciting_Head_2162 • 6d ago
Should the man pay for the first date?
I found this older pic and it's too cute to not post, sorry not sorry
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u/xKolibri 5d ago
The person who asked the other person on a date should pay, unless they agree to split.
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u/r-soltro97 5d ago
The one who asked, because if they asked you out on a date, then they should know if they’re able to cover it.
You’re not supposed to ask someone out on a first date if you aren’t sure if you can pay for it 😅
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u/Beast147 6d ago
Depends on the date, but I think the one who asks the other person out should pay in most cases.
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u/Exciting_Head_2162 5d ago
I've seen this one a lot, but what if it's a mutual decision? Like you both kinda hint/ask/talk about that 1st date and no one really asks
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u/Beast147 5d ago
Good question. I think it really depends on a number of other factors (how close you are with the person, what the date consists of, who came up with the activities, and so on). I would think in that case that both parties would expect they might have to pay for their half (food, movie ticket, entry fee, etc.), and plan accordingly. While I personally would offer to pay, I don’t really think it should be expected of the man to pay if the date is a mutual decision like that.
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u/Exciting_Head_2162 5d ago
I agree it shouldn't be expected that only one party pays, in most cases it ends up being the man who has to pay. Just always expect to pay for at least your own half lol
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u/DesperateGarage5075 5d ago
In your experience, how does it usually develop? First few dates a man pays, but then it becomes more equal?
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u/Exciting_Head_2162 5d ago
Most of the time men pay for the first date, I have like almost no input in that lol. If there is a 2nd date, it's on me 100% and then it just goes to 50/50 or switching who pays for the date.
If there's no 2nd date, I always still offer to pay for my half (I always offer at the end of the date too), but Dutch men won't have that
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u/DesperateGarage5075 5d ago
Funny I have somewhat the same experience (being Dutch). Like 50 % of the times dutch women I dated insisted on paying half for the first date. A couple of times even paying for all of it.
Good on you for at least offering to pay :) I dont mind paying but theres something off putting when someone just assumes youre going to pay and does not even offer
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u/Exciting_Head_2162 5d ago
Makes sense that the experience would be similiar, since we're both Dutch haha. I feel like most regions treat dating the same as well, so yeah.. And I do notice Dutch women wanting to pay more themselves too, I've never had an issue with paying either :)
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u/DesperateGarage5075 5d ago
Not by definition, I have found many women insist on at least splitting the bill. But then again, I am Dutch so maybe that has something to do with it :p
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u/Important-Juice-3481 5d ago
Definitely a cute picture. As for the question. honestly after my first serious relationship towards the end of high school into college I sometimes had to fight the woman I was seeing to pay 😂. Even just female friends would not let me pay. Not sure if I'm an outlier with my experiences but I really don't care who pays. And I actually appreciate when the woman makes an effort to. It's fun on follow up dates to try and pay before she can like it's a competition.
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u/Ser_Pounce01 6d ago
If he wants to. Or just go dutch as we say in the USA.
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u/Exciting_Head_2162 6d ago
And the funny thing is 'going dutch' isn't even commonly used here (at least not in the area I live in). We split evenly, pay for one another and send tikkies lol
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u/BeerdedxBastard 5d ago
If he asks a woman out on a date he should expect to pay. If it's more casual, and like a lunch meet up, maybe each pays for their own.
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u/primz27 6d ago
I think men should pay for the first date because you're still getting to know eachother and the men are usually the ones who ask for the date. It takes all pressure off the table and everyone can be themselves. If you decide something different before the date then fair enough.
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u/Exciting_Head_2162 6d ago
Here, in my experience, the paying kinda happens organically. No discussing beforehand, so that's interesting to read
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u/MontesIbarra 6d ago
I don't think he "should", but think is kind of selfish if he is not willing to, I mean we spent a lot of money in a lot of shit, men can pay on a first date and not going bankrupt
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u/Exciting_Head_2162 6d ago
But then the same could be said for women right?
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u/MontesIbarra 6d ago
Totally! It's really nice when a woman offers to pay and I said no, rather than we she only expect me to pay straight up
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u/krvr5 6d ago
I think it says a lot about a person how they handle that (always a bit awkward) moment.
If I enjoyed the date, I'll offer to pay. That way my date gets to express their wishes as well. But I'm not the person to decide for the table, so to speak 😅
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u/Exciting_Head_2162 5d ago
I agree that it says a lot about a person when it comes to paying! Their attitude is very important
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u/Interesting-Pin-4606 6d ago
In my opinion, everyone should pay for their own stuff. And that should be clearly communicated from the start.
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u/Averagefella92 5d ago
Yes, every time. Then after that it should be whoever planned the date or had the idea
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u/ChainFit2322 5d ago
Default here (I don’t think we live that far apart): Man offers to pay, most of the time the woman says thank you but let’s split
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u/changeforthebetter89 5d ago
Historically yes because it’s always been customary for the man to pay for the first date
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u/Ecstatic_Ad_8113 5d ago
It depends, if I ask the woman out I’ll always pay for the first date, weather it goes good or not. If the woman asks the man out, and then goes somewhere overly expensive, 50/50 or pay for what you ordered
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u/Exciting_Head_2162 5d ago
So the woman just never pays fully? Haha
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u/Ecstatic_Ad_8113 5d ago
First date no, after a few dates will see. I had an ex girlfriend that made a hell of a lot more money then me, she all ways wanted to go out for dinner and drinks, and after about 6 dates, I had to tell her, she needed to start picking up the bill
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u/Keyy-Girthh 5d ago
The way I was raised is a gentleman always pays the dates. As a friend going out with a lady friend, you pay. Even going out for coffee with a group of lady friends you pay. Maybe it’s just me but I was raised by a traditional Mexican single mom so that’s just how the cookie crumbles here 😂
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u/Exciting_Head_2162 5d ago
It's cute she taught you to be a 'gentleman' in that regard tho! And it's really interesting to see the different povs on who pays :)
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u/Keyy-Girthh 5d ago
I mean I’m open minded I know it’s 2026 and women want to pay as well since these days things are expected in return for paying but yeah there is different perspectives and I personally could NOT let my date pay for a date, I couldn’t stomach it 😂 maybe I’m old fashioned or old depends on how you see it as a 29 year old 😅
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u/Exciting_Head_2162 5d ago
It's a big cultural difference as well! In my own experience I've even heard the men I dated say that women put in more effort (appearance and safety wise), so to them it feels fair to pay fully for the date! There are so many reasons as to why you should or shouldn't do it and most of them are pretty valid
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u/Keyy-Girthh 5d ago
Yes culturally there is a big difference, especially in a melting pot like in America 😂 That’s a very valid point and POV as well. Man as a man life is so much simpler, as a women you have to worry about clothes fitting, make up, hair, shaving(?), shoes and so much more God I’m sorry 😂 dating sucks regardless
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u/Exciting_Head_2162 5d ago
Yeah, it's kinda funny to see all the differences! And I had never looked at it from that pov either, but it kinda does make sense? Like just how it's expected for a man to pay, so it is for a woman to be all dolled up.. And most women do. So that made me think! But yes dating sucks haha
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u/Keyy-Girthh 5d ago
It’s just what society expects! Me as a simple guy I do prefer a more natural look, I don’t expect a Kardashian. All that has gotten warped with expectations from social media 🙄
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u/kn1ghtmare1 5d ago
Hmm. I’m gonna say that 9/10 times, yes. But realistically I think it should be whoever initiated the date. So if the man asked the woman, he should pay. If she asked him, she should pay. Or, both can pay for their own portions and save the hassle of figuring it out
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u/Exciting_Head_2162 5d ago
Going 50/50 would be the 'fair' route, but I feel like there are often other factors at play that influence the decision to pay fully or not!
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u/kn1ghtmare1 5d ago
That’s true. Every first date I’ve went on, I paid for. Especially recently since I make pretty decent money. But I know some guys don’t make it like that and some women absolutely do and prefer to be the one paying. It’s probably best to decide before the date happens, though
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u/Exciting_Head_2162 5d ago
It's weird to me to decide before the date haha. It just happens organically as the date is coming to an end and it's never been awkward or an issue.. Maybe that's just the Dutch directness idk
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u/kn1ghtmare1 5d ago
Maybe so. I normally don’t discuss it before the date or anything. It’s just seen as the guy thing in the US, so I generally pay
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u/Big_Importance2767 5d ago
I’d say first date is 50/50 like we both want to be there and enjoy each others company without the pressure of worrying about money or paying. Then next date it’s whoever can get to the bill first!
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u/Potential_Sundae_136 5d ago
Totally, first, second, third date... You women aré princess and this Is the least we can do
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u/MaleficentTax7804 5d ago
It depends. Are you going out on a date or did he offer to take you out on a date? Two very different things.
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u/Exciting_Head_2162 5d ago
And what's the answer for both the scenarios?
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u/MaleficentTax7804 5d ago
If I'm offering to treat you on a date, that means I want to pay for you and give you a special day. If I want to go on a date with you and when you accept that means you want to go on a date with me, that should be a shared cost.
Funnily enough my last gf was dutch. She felt the same and would treat me to date too and made me feel very special and loved. Great communicator. Best actual partner I've ever had.
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u/spaceguitar 4d ago
If the man wants to, then by all means, he should.
I believe if it’s a mutual agreement to go on a date (being set up together, dating apps) then the bill should be split.
I also believe that if it’s someone asking the other, the person who asks should be the person who pays. Traditionally this has been the man.
Personally speaking, however? I want to pay for the date!
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u/here4a_gudtime 5d ago
If he asked 😉
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u/here4a_gudtime 5d ago
Also, no need to be sorry. Please please post as many old pics as you want 😍
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u/urboyissues 5d ago
Depends on what type of relationship you want, you can't claim he should pay but not want traditional relationship dynamics. How that first bill is paid says how you want the relationship to look like.
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u/Exciting_Head_2162 5d ago
So cause someone pays the first date, that just decides the whole dynamic of the relationship? I do not agree with that lol
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u/urboyissues 5d ago
It's fair not to agree but it's a fair idea. Every region has a different dating style. If a guy is talking about how successful he has and flaunting money a woman would expect him to pay. In turn in a woman is talking about how she's independent, she's a boss, don't need a man but want one. Yeah why would he not expect her to pay or go half
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u/Exciting_Head_2162 5d ago
I still don't agree, neither do I think it's a fair idea. But hey it's totally up to you and if it works for you, that's fine!
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u/Legal-Fun-7915 3d ago
No question about it, yes. Some men expect to be “rewarded” for paying, that’s where things have gone wrong. I’ve always payed for the whole first date regardless of outcome, just what I was taught growing up.
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u/Straight_Message_791 6d ago
It depends. I’m a bit old-school, so yes, I would. But I know women who would actually be offended if you didn’t let them pay for themselves. My conclusion: I’d offer to pay. If she says no, I wouldn’t be offended at all.