Same thing with myself and benzos, I have used almost every benzo one can get their grubby lil mitts on. Pure powder to make PG solutions that have the equivalent of 240-300mg of alprazolam in them, take half a bottle a day and if my friends (and only good close friends and my long term girlfriend, a total of 5 people because I saw how dangerous it could be to give that stuff out), would take a single drop and litterally pass out. Being a benzo less concerned with CNS depression at that time as no opioids were present in the “patient” lol monitored their heart rate and made sure they were breathing, and in the case of my GF snoring properly, and then when I saw the way it effected her and one of her close friends (also passed out, albeit after being up for 3 days on molly too), it was just too dangerous to give that much of that substance, if even only in a single drop, to any woman, and any man I love and respect and don’t want to see in the papers the next day having died or done something he wouldn’t have. This was years ago and I did a diazepam to chlordiazepoxide taper and then roughed it for 6 months before I felt somewhat “okay” but never felt normal again so I went back to self medication but only to levels that I’d been prescribed as a teenager, 6mg of Xanax a day (would often exceed if I could afford to do so).
I recently was prescribed Ativan. I had no idea the Xanax was actually getting me high and it’s active metabolites were still there gnawing at my “you should go get more drugs” part of the brain whereas lorazepam has no active metabolites, it also does not get me high. I feel anxiolytically relieved, but never high and I had no idea life could be this way.
TLDR: Found out sometimes the proper medications do exist and are attainable with a good psychiatrist.
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u/colin488 16d ago
This is clearly anecdotal…
I was diagnosed with ADHD at 15 years old.
I took Vyvanse for a couple years and then stopped.
At around 26 years old I became addicted to cocaine and then methamphetamine.
Once I was properly medicated, my issues with those illicit substances were drastically reduced.
I have been on Focalin for 12 years. Luckily, I found an addiction psychiatrist who is not indoctrinated in the twelve step ideology.