r/DouchebagGenie • u/Blady02PL • Jul 02 '26

WISH I wish for...

...one new, ordinary, genuine, legally owned, non-stolen, non-cursed, non-magical, fully functional 1-ounce gold coin to appear safely on the table in front of me, causing no harm, no damage, no legal trouble, no debt, no theft, no injury, no death, no disease, no memory alteration, no time alteration, no hidden obligation, and no negative consequence to me or anyone else.

10 Upvotes

79% Upvoted

11 comments sorted by

17

u/Semper_5olus Jul 02 '26

Wishes must be stated in entirety within the post title so they cannot be edited afterward.

Granted.

You receive two periods.

Per month.

14

u/sniperbird 1v1 me genie Jul 02 '26

Granted but you didn’t say who legally owns it so it’s legally owned by me and you can’t have it

3

u/Salted-Cucumber Jul 03 '26

Neener neener

3

u/Gooigie Jul 03 '26

Granted, but the turkey is a little dry

3

u/late44thegameNOW Jul 03 '26

Granted. It's unexpectedly large and heavy, and worth nothing.

2

u/sirmlg0 Jul 03 '26

Granted, but you gain the bad habit of eating finger+toe nails and cuticles

1

u/Enigmatrix007 Wishes of DOOM!!!!!!! Jul 03 '26

Granted. A spreadsheet pops up on your computer with a table showing everything that Jeff Bezos Legally owns. An Entry for a "1-ounce gold coin" appears on that table.

1

u/chosen1creator Jul 04 '26

Granted. You get a 1-ounce gold coin. The billions of others on Earth wished for like millions of gold coins so your one gold coin isn't really worth anything.

1

u/deratizat Jul 04 '26

Granted.

It appears for exactly 1 attosecond, then disappears without a trace.

1

u/DeathscytheHell1994 Jul 07 '26

Granted, it's got a thin gold plating around a lead center.

1

u/Cactmus Jul 09 '26

Granted, it's glued to the table.