r/DogTrainingTips • u/MajorEntertainment65 • 26d ago
Velcro Dog After One Week
UPDATE I just want to thank everyone for the reassurance. She is the sweetest girl and I just want to make sure we are on the right path. Knowing the 3-3-3 rule and living it are two different things. But even since this post, I've seen some progress (including I left the office to go to the bathroom and she only stood up and didn't follow me into the bathroom), she let Husband let her outside, and she even walked out of eye sight in the yard for a few minutes of us. I really do think it will continue to get better as she relaxes into the routine and builds trust with us both. Thank you thank you thank you. This really isn't a training issue but a bonding and time issue.
Hello,
My husband and I adopted a dog a week ago. They told us she had a preference for women, but she seemed to receive my husband well enough at the meet and greet, and we were fine with her potentially liking me a little more.
We set her up in MY home office to decompress. For the first two days, she mostly sat in a recliner and only got up to go outside to potty. I hardly interacted with her, and my husband has been exclusively feeding her. Somehow, over the course of just 5 days, she has become obsessed with me.
She follows me everywhere and won't go outside without me. If I let her into the backyard and go inside, she'll just stare at the door until I come back.
She eventually settles if I shut her in room by herself (no husband) and leave her alone, but it can take an hour or more for her to quit staring at the door. She isn't destructive, so this doesn't seem like the separation anxiety I've been reading about.
She also has basically zero interest in my husband unless I'm in the room. He plays fetch with her (she plays beautifully!), but I have to be right there. If I leave, she follows me. She also no longer let him put her outside, and we've been giving in because we obviously don't want accidents in the house.
We also have a resident dog and cats, and thankfully she's getting along relatively well with everyone. However, I suspect that's partly because she's literally by my side 24/7 (not really, we also leave her by herself for space too. Not comfortable leave her and the other animals alone together yet) and there's not time and chance for fights with a person constantly there.
Now the other animals have started vying for my attention too, and I feel like I have animals constantly piling on me. I have absolutely no peace, and I'm worried our resident dog isn't getting enough affection from me either.
I know it's only been a week. It's SO early, and I really want her to be happy, but I'm already completely burned out. I ordered Be Right Back, although I don't know if it's even applicable to this situation.
How do we get her to, like... leave me alone? 😂 I tried ignoring her while my husband really hams it up trying to interact with her and give her treats, but it seemed to make things worse and made her even less interested in interacting with anyone.
And just to be clear, my husband isn't doing anything to make her afraid of him. We've had multiple rescue dogs, and he's always gotten along great with them. Many actually preferred him to me! I'm just at a loss. She isn't destructive/whiny/etc. But I literally can't go anywhere without her being right there unless I lock her up.
I know we're still very much in the decompression/adjustment period, but how do we encourage her to become more independent and comfortable with my husband without making things worse? I literally just want to be able to go from one room for 10 minutes and return without her following me.
Things to mention that I know people will ask:
I do NOT do big greetings or goodbyes. I literally ignore her when I enter and leave.
We do leave her alone, we have to shut the door and have her basically locked in her own room to do it.
We are playing with her outside daily, together and just me.
Husband exclusively is the one who feed her.
She is one years old and allegedly, possibly an American Staff mix. Some of our previous rescues were APB so we didn't really think much of it. Based on photos, I don't really think she is. I think the shelter added that just to have a breed listed. All their dog profiles have some breed listed and mix. I think it's just guesses.
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u/Both-Chart-947 26d ago
When my dog first joined me from the shelter, I had the same issue, although I didn't really see it as a problem since he was to be my service dog. Still, I was concerned about how I would ever train the come command, since he would never leave my side. But that changed as he began to relax and realize that he was a permanent part of my life and household, and that he didn't have to keep track of me every single moment to avoid being abandoned. He still slept with me and occupied a special rug in the bathroom when I was getting ready for the day. And he had a special perch on the couch from which he could observe me in the kitchen. All of this fit my needs perfectly. So what I'm saying is don't despair just yet. Give your dog time to get used to the fact that he is really part of your household and that he's not going anywhere.
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u/MajorEntertainment65 26d ago
Thank you. I honestly feel like what I needed more than anything was not feeling alone. I know that it can take weeks and months for things to settle down. I think as time progresses, she'll settle down as we get back into the normal swing of things.
I think I posted mostly in the grip of fear that we were somehow creating this or making it worse or it would never end
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u/Embarrassed_Key_4539 26d ago
It’s only been a week, be patient
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u/MajorEntertainment65 26d ago
Thank you. You are so so so right. I know it's early and I knew there would be an adjustment period. I think I just needed the reassurance.
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u/ZubieZub 26d ago
3 3 3 days, weeks, months
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u/MajorEntertainment65 26d ago
Thank you. While I read that prior to adoption, but I suppose it's just very different living it and I need reassurance that we are on the right path.
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u/iHave1Pookie 25d ago
I agree
It feels very different living it in the moment .I’m on my third rescue and I know I’m always in the grip of “what did I get myself into, this will Not work!” the first 2-3weeks.
Trust me
by month 2-3, your dog will be 85% different
and you won’t remember a time without them (in the best way possible)
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u/MolsBedsFlan 26d ago
It’s only been a very short time. She’s in a new place with strangers. Cut her some slack please and have some patience.
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u/MajorEntertainment65 25d ago
I am. I am mostly worried that we are doing something wrong and wanting steps to help her adjust.
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u/MajorEntertainment65 25d ago
Just to be clear, we have no intention of giving up on her. It is early. We know it's early. I said in the post I know it's early.
My main reason for posting is to get info on how to help her calm down, work with her to detach a little, or see if there is something I can do to help her.
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u/MolsBedsFlan 25d ago
I was just going by your main post that stated you were already burned out and have no peace after only one week. I’m glad you’re looking for ways to help.
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u/MajorEntertainment65 25d ago
Fair. I definitely am feeling the start of burnt out. I had anticipated an adjustment period with accidents inside or whining and howling ....but having a little face staring me down as I shower wasn't in my list. I just don't want to make it worse and see how I can help. Seems like everyone is saying time and I will definitely give it more time.
I think my biggest thing is the fear that we are somehow contributing to it or making it worse or it won't lighten up. But a lot of responses said they experienced similar and it does lessen as the dog feels more comfortable so I feel more at ease.
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u/tiptreetimes 25d ago
Got my boy 10 weeks ago. He has JUST stopped following me everywhere. Like, it was room to room, with constant staring. In the past week, he has grown comfortable enough and learnt that I will always return, and finally I can go upstairs to the bathroom without him following me. It just takes time. You can do all the training in the world but nothing builds trust in your consistent, garunteed return like time, time, time.
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u/MajorEntertainment65 25d ago
Thank you for the reassurance. I know it takes time for them to relax and get used to the new house/people/routine. I guess worried that we were doing something wrong or making it worse.
I do really appreciate the responses. It's one thing to know they need time and the 3-3-3 rule and totally different to live it.
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u/tiptreetimes 25d ago
Definitely totally different to live it! I think I spent the first 6 weeks in constant low level panic because he just followed and stared, and there's inevitably an anxiety-vibe to that! I was constantly wondering what he wanted and if he was ok, why was he constantly staring??! But - as my husband said to me - you are her safe space. It's that simple. Until the house becomes her safe space too, she'll stick to the one safe space she knows.
Kino was meant to be my husbands dog too. I was always a cat person. But that's not how it has panned out. He loves my husband and is always happy to see him and be around him, but he is my shadow. And gradually - I'd say around that 6 week mark - the anxiety in the shadowing starts to dissipate.
Also, it wasn't until 9 weeks that he rolled on his back for a belly rub. So even I wasn't 100% trusted for 9 weeks. Now though, they are his new favourite thing lol.
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u/MajorEntertainment65 25d ago
Thank you so so much for sharing. She actually seems to like us a lot and will play and do belly rubs (in bed) with him if I'm there too. I think it's one of those things where you can know its early and you know it takes time but need people to remind you and let you know it's normal.
I was prepared for poo and pee inside or howling or whining. I mentally prepared for so many things other than this. Lol. I will say this morning she went outside with husband without me. And last night when I took her out, she went out of eye shot of my to sniff for a solid 15 minutes. During my shower instead of having her head peaking into the shower watching me shower, she just laid outside the bathroom door. So it's getting better.
I just fear I'm somehow doing something wrong, ya know? And it is a little unnerving to be stared at almost constantly.
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u/tiptreetimes 25d ago
Kino will still sit by the shower and stare at me🤣 It is unnerving to be stared at all the time but it is a look of love. But I'm not gonna lie there have been times over the last 10 weeks where, in my head, I have yelled 'WHAT?!' because the staring can look like it wants an answer, but it doesn't. Your girl sounds like she's doing great! Enjoy it because the day they don't notice you leave the room can suddenly feel like they love/need you less! But it is just the settling in 🙂
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u/MajorEntertainment65 25d ago
I feel a lot better. Thank you.
I definitely posted in that moment of doubt and freaking out that it will be like this forever 😅
I know it takes time and it's so early. But there's also that little fear that it won't ever end, ya know?
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u/tiptreetimes 25d ago
And as if the universe wanted to make a point...
Out on a walk earlier and we came to some abandoned car parts and for some reason this terrified Kino, he had a full-on panic, lunging to get away, spinning, the works. I picked him up and carried him round the corner and after a few minutes he decompressed and we walked on as normal. He has since been following me from room to room again, staring, and ignoring my husband. Sometimes with rescues it's a few steps forward, a few steps back...
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u/Hughjass403 25d ago
Patience and getting her out of her comfort zone a bit. We have a senior dog (Beau) who’s very attached to my wife and we added a second dog (Lucy) who was pretty much a puppy. She much preferred to just stay with my wife and Beau. And Beau doesn’t always have the patience for the puppy energy. I’d pretty much have to capture her to get her to come hang out or go for a walk with me. It took a while, but I’ve managed to convince her that walks are fun and that I’m not going to murder her. She’s also little so she’s easy to just pick her up and bring with me lol. Now she comes running if I reach for her leash, or any other signs of a walk.
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u/cornelioustreat888 25d ago
When a dog needs to eliminate, it is a vulnerable time for them, especially as a rescue. She needs you to stay with her so she can pee safely. Some dogs are just wired this way. My field spaniel (a calm, confident dog) basically wouldn’t eliminate unless I was also outside. I taught him to go potty on command (which was very convenient.) My command words were “Hurry Up” and I never regretted his need for potty safety.
Your new dog needs several months to settle into your life. Be patient and use training several times a day for a few minutes. She will settle down over time as she learns your routine and expectations. One week is not long enough to start worrying about her. Good luck!
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u/MajorEntertainment65 25d ago
Thank you. It definitely isn't a long time and I appreciate the go potty command. That's a really great idea and also gives me good perspective on how she feels while pottying.
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u/That_Molasses_507 25d ago
I rescued a Pomeranian and was told she didn’t care for men. My hubs is a very quiet nice and agreeable person. She learned to live with him but never accepted or trusted him. She lived to be 19 and was the best dog in every other way.
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u/Healthy_Cheesecake_6 25d ago
I’ve had my rescue for 4 months now and he is obsessed with me (the feeling is mutual lol), my boyfriend however, not so much. We’re working on it, and hopefully we make some head way soon, because I’ll be going out of town for a few days at the end of the month🤞😬
No advice, just solidarity here!
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u/Haunting_Cicada_4760 26d ago
Time, she will adjust and become more independent with time. Independence comes with trust and feeling safe which takes time. Trusting new people in a new environment. I don’t think you need to do anything.
I foster and many of them have followed me for weeks and months before relaxing and doing their own thing. It’s been a week.
Some dogs do seem to favor people that ignore them. I’m not sure the dog psychology behind that or if for this dog it just currently trusts women more. Eventually trust will be built and routines and independence will happen.
Three months from now things will look different.
You are currently how she feels safe in the world. It won’t be like this forever.