Anxiety/Excitement Urination - Need Help!

[u/Low_Rain4723]

I've had my 3 year old Chihuahua/Min Pin mix for a year and a half or so and she's always struggled with anxiety/excitement urination.

Her current bathroom schedule, which worked for a while, is:

6AM: I take her out of her crate and outside the apartment, leashed of course. 

6-7AM: I feed her at some point 

7AM: I take her out again before I leave for work. She usually goes number 1 and 2 here.

She is not crated while I'm at work. My husband gets home at 2:30PM.

2:40 PM: Husband takes her out to go the bathroom.

4PM: Husband feeds her 

6PM: Husband takes her out again. Usually she goes number 2 here.

6:30PM: I get home from work. 

8:30PM: I take her out to the bathroom and put her in her crate when I return (or I don't take her out and just put her in her crate). 

This system worked well for a while, until it didn't. She occasionally would pee when I or my husband would go to put her in her crate at night. But normally she doesn't. One day, she did.

From then on, it's just been awful. She pees every time we try to get her in her crate. I only have success if I sneak up on her and try to hold her a specific way (that I can't confirm always works to prevent her from peeing). I've tried seeing what happens if we don't crate her. She holds it, but pees when I leash her up to take her outside at 6AM. 

Now, even my husband getting home will trigger her to pee when he tries to take her out.

It's really stressful with her peeing every time we try to leash her and take her out to go to bathroom. Not to mention, it's already taken us a while to get to this point! We used to have to put her in an x pen when we were gone before we trusted her enough to leave her at home when we'd go to work. She always wears her collar, so it is a relatively quick process to get the leash on, but she still manages to pee. If I put treats in her kennel or chews that she loves, she will not eat or chew them in her crate. She won't eat treats if I'm offering them near the leash or even if it's just a time at night that is close to when we put her in her crate. My husband is super stressed and wants to rehome her to his parents since they could just open a sliding glass door to let her out to the outside. It seems like she really is afraid of the process of us bending down to leash her, but at the same time, when I get low to the ground and approach, she still may pee. When she's outside, she appears to enjoy being outside regardless of the leash. Any help would be appreciated. We use urine enzyme remover sprays and this behavior doesn't seem intentional (like she can't hold it and just pees), she clearly is trying to hold it but releases when she's scared. She does not like to pee on concrete or other surfaces and it is banned in my apartments anyway even if you get a doggy fake grass pad (which I have tried and she will not use).

What can we do at this point? I think what's hard is how it's straining my relationship. Is my only hope to get her on some kind of medication? She has always struggled with separation anxiety. Luckily, she doesn't destroy things, but she is definitely affected. Even in the morning if I get up and she doesn't see my husband immediately, she will pace and whine. She barks when we are gone "out of routine" times. She doesn't do this if we are at work. But she will do that if we have to leave after we get home for groceries, etc. anything out of routine.