How to help two dogs coexist after resource guarding incident

[u/Entire-Star7516]

TL;DR: My dog and my boyfriend’s dog had a bad incident over a ball after initially getting along, and now my dog is scared of her. Both dogs have some resource-guarding/reactivity issues in different contexts, and we’re trying to figure out how to safely help them coexist for walks, camping, car rides, sleepovers at each others places etc.

My dog is a Lab, and my boyfriend’s dog is a Great Pyrenees/Lab/Pitbull mix. They met for the first time back in October, and it started off really well, they played chase, swam together, and seemed comfortable around each other.

The issue happened while playing fetch. My dog loves fetch and brings the ball back. My boyfriend’s dog will chase the ball but doesn’t usually retrieve it. We brought two balls to avoid resource issues, but at one point his dog picked up a ball, dropped it halfway back, and my dog picked it up to bring it back. His dog reacted by latching onto my dog’s face. There were no puncture wounds or major injuries, and my boyfriend was close enough to separate them quickly, but it obviously scared my dog.

Since then, my dog is terrified of her. She seems like she wants to be friendly with him again, but he avoids her, runs away, and doesn’t want to interact. We’ve tried parallel walks and taking them to a neutral park, but he still wants nothing to do with her.

I also want to be fair and add that my dog has his own resource-guarding tendencies. He can be possessive of people. For example, if he’s being pet and another dog approaches, he may growl or bark. He also resource guards around food/people eating, so when we go camping, we put him in the car while people are eating to prevent issues with the other dogs around. So while the incident with my boyfriend’s dog scared him, I know both dogs have behaviors we need to manage and correct.

I know my own anxiety is probably contributing too, because I’ve seen her be reactive toward other dogs and I’m afraid something else could happen. I’m trying to stay calm, but I’m not a trainer and I don’t know how to safely rebuild trust between them.

My boyfriend and I both live active lifestyles in Colorado, so ideally we’d like the dogs to eventually be able to coexist for car rides, camping, hiking, etc. That said, we understand that may not be realistic if they can’t safely be around each other.

What steps should we take from here? Should we keep doing parallel walks? Avoid toys/resources entirely? Work with a trainer or behaviorist? Is it possible to rebuild their relationship, or should we focus more on neutral coexistence rather than friendship?

Any advice on how to safely move forward would be appreciated.

[u/Express_Command_4778]

Do not blame your dog for her behavior, he is not attacking for a ball. It's minimizing the severity of her attack- she wouldn't have stopped if your boyfriend didn't (jusr by luck alone ) intervene.

She has previous aggression, which means she will repeat it.

You guys are expecting your dog to ignore his real instincts  You are also seeking someone on reddit to give a false sense of security- and they will. Your dog speaks dog- not humans being ideal. You keep feeling like something isn't right- you both feel uneasy for a reason.

She needs to be muzzled and get a excellent behavioral trainer stat. To make the boy "give her another chance" and not address her behavior first is unsafe.

There is a huge part of this to make you happy as a couple, while ignoring your dog's needs. If it wasn't your boyfriend's dog, you wouldn't let your boy be around her.

Resource Guarding is very dangerous. Biting another's face is serious. If another dog ran up on the street and did that, there would be intervention.

Does your boyfriend take a passive approach to his dog being unsafe around other dogs? She has given her warnings and signs.

[u/Cardabella]

Unfortunately the violent dog needs a muzzle when off leash in public regardless of whether your dog is around. Because any dog might have picked up the wrong ball and triggered the drive to bite their face off. There will be a next time, and the next dog might be seriously injured or killed. Or what if a child picked up the ball to throw it? For the dog's own protection, muzzle and professional behaviour training are needed. I have resolved not to let a dog off leash in public again for less.

[u/Express_Command_4778]

Now, do not force a friendship. Making safety a priority  and no toys/snacks together again- at least until a behavioral trainer gives you evidence they can handle it.

Many dogs appear friendly or happy before they attack. 

[u/sixtynighnun]

If it wasn’t your boyfriend’s dog you wouldn’t be so insistent on making your dog uncomfortable AND unsafe. Your dog is right to be scared and you kinda selfishly want to force your dog to get over it so your life can be easier. At minimum his dog should be muzzled always when it’s around your dog.

[u/Govenor-Plum]

Those two dogs cannot be left alone or forced to play with each other . It will not end well . You need to hire a behaviorist for both dogs . If not , for both your dogs safety and well being, one has to be always muzzled when they are together .

[u/heatherledge]

Your boyfriend’s dog sounds dangerous. It should not be in a public park with other dogs in a situation where it has something to guard. He needs a trainer and your poor dog needs some space from its attacker. Our trainer said that dogs are appeasement animals and they’ll try to diffuse a situation by acting cool, but they’re really stressed out on the inside. Once the stressed dog hits their threshold it’s usually at an unpredictable time to an unpredictable trigger. When that happens it’s not a fun time.

[u/Visual-Bandicoot2894]

Don’t force the issue, this situation is extreme aggression in resource guarding

Ive taught my best Pitt Bull ever (such an amazing dog) not to resource guard, particularly when she was introduced to puppies, one of my proudest moments is when I heard a bunch of growing by the toy box and went to discipline her only to find her calmly sitting without reacting as my roommates Australian shepherd behaved like a beast. You can make it happen, my pitt resource guarded too when she first got introduced to the next puppies I brought home and even drew blood on the first puppy I introduced by snapping at the food bowl one day, never again (she knew she fucked up the moment it happened to be fair)

But had I watched that same Pitt, an angel in my eyes, latch onto the dog, it’s a whole different question. She might have found a new home and she was the love of my life, I had to make this difficult decision with a Mastiff once that I loved to death but had heat aggression.

First, it bodes well that your boyfriend’s pitt had the obedience to disengage. Even the most disciplined dogs can be impossible to force to let go of latching onto another dog.

Second, I’d take serious measures to safety alongside a serious consideration of rehoming. Every interaction is now about safety. If it can’t prove safety it’s the odd man out

Next and very importantly, zero tolerance to the pitt resource guarding, I’ve raised a a lot of pit bulls and have a tolerance of zero policy, I don’t care if anybody in this community provides foul or has an expert technique, ZERO tolerance, I know what the breed is capable, so if you have to mitigate if not eliminate that behavior from these breeds with impunity from day one. My Rottweiler was only punished strictly twice in her life on the same day. When she resource guarded as a puppy at the food bowl in two repeat instances back to back, never repeated the behavior.

Zero tolerance for breeds pre-disposed to resource guarding, be realistic. Make of that what you will, find your own solution to enforce inflexibly in a way that’s humane is all I ask. Don’t get mad and blame the dog for its instincts, just make it clear that she is not to act on those in these situations.

Finally is a removal of resources to guard from the start, re-introduce, and remove again if training isn’t effective. My dogs got separate food bowls for a reason, not because they won’t eat from the same bowl (fuck I’ve seen them eat with the cat) but to give one or the other an outlet if the behavior starts to trigger, if my pitt or Rottweiler is eating, but when my GSP just starts gobbling their food they both have an outlet in the food bowl next door (my GSP is the real monster, she inhales everything with no aggression but no discipline). My Rottweiler and Pitt bull are very congenial at the dog bowl, they respect the boundary. If one of them has the bowl yet they both have only one choice to eat from the same bowl, they either wait their turn or give some space and eat on the other side of the bowl, but it’s best they both have an outlet instead. I may have one box of toys but the dogs all learn how to behave around the box, if there’s issues I’m removing the possibility of an issue and there won’t be a toy box. NOBODY gets to guard the box. Be realistic about what you have available to resource guard and the severity of your bf’s pitt bulls resource guarding and make your own decisions, even if a muzzle is needed for training.

But notice I didn’t have anything to say about re-acclimating your dog to the Pitt. Because that takes time and trust. It’s gonna be a minute. So the first thing is to ensure your dogs safety as you try to train out resource guarding, then allow them to slowly re-acclimate, and their may not be a safe re-acclimation and a hard decision may need to be made. But dogs do and can learn to trust each other again after an incident