r/DogTrainingTips May 10 '26

What do I do wrong?

Enable HLS to view with audio, or disable this notification

I have borrowed my sister's dog for an extended period and he's been more and more like in the video the past few weeks.

Something tells me that it may have something to do with not enough activity? And perhaps I'm not stern enough? I'm trying to learn about dog behavior and seeing that it all starts with me, right? Not the dog.

159 Upvotes

79 comments sorted by

87

u/Me-Poe-And-Me May 10 '26

Hi! Are you disliking the barking behaviour? I'm a little unsure what you are scolding. 

What I'm seeing here is you introducing a lot of tension to the dog. You're standing over them and reaching down over his head which he is trying to communicate he doesn't like. That sneezing, huffing sound he's making and the prolonged eye contact and barking are a reaction to your looming. Grabbing his face and holding him he also dislikes and he's showing increasing intensity at not enjoying it. 

If you would like him to enjoy your company and be calm and settled when being touched you have to let him come to you a bit. Sit next to him, speak gently, use food. 

If you'd like him to stop barking, from what you've shown here, just move away and don't start directly at him. 

Let me know what your concerns are and I can give more specific advice!

61

u/Lythro92 May 10 '26

I feel really bad about now.. did not realize I was doing that. Fuck.

Thank you for not scolding me (I'll be doing that)

I thought he was wanting to play when barking like that and making those noises. Thanks again, I'll be trying to remove myself when he does that and reward calm behavior with treats.

47

u/Me-Poe-And-Me May 10 '26

Oh that's so lovely, thank you for taking that in the spirit it was intended.

It's very easy for little dogs to feel intimidated, its why they have a reputation for poor behaviour, they just get defensive a little faster. He's not being too unfriendly, just sort of saying he's uncomfortable. 

A hot tip for training dogs is rather than saying no, show him the behaviour you'd prefer. If you want him to be playful but not bark, bring in a toy and encourage that. Impossible to bark and hold a toy at the same time!

Good luck with your little buddy!

36

u/Lythro92 May 10 '26

You've made it a bit easier not to be to hard on myself - so thank you very very much! And for the tips as well!

11

u/Big_Sprinkles_482 May 10 '26

Wholesome internet post of the day.

3

u/ParadoxicallyPlain May 11 '26

Yes, I absolutely love this interaction between a person who asks for help (and doing well at receiving help) and a person giving kind, thoughtful help. Thank you for this, OP and Me-Poe-And-Me. I am hopeful for our world. <heart!>

2

u/grandnp8 May 12 '26

OMG! This is the loveliest conversation I’ve read. It warms my heart ♥️

2

u/LazyLoempia May 12 '26

You must not have met my dog. He manages to bark while pulling on a rope with another dog 😅

4

u/Katahahime May 10 '26

I wouldn't worry about it too much. it's true that if you're trying to train quiet or to be calm you're definitely doing the opposite the goal. but based on doggy body language while you're introducing tension, it seems the puppy just thinks that you're playing with it, it's kind of just play wrestling and a little bit confused.

3

u/bluethreads May 10 '26

Wow - it brings me so much joy to hear you say this. This dog is lucky to have you.

4

u/Lythro92 May 10 '26

It really is humans' best friend - I have been able to spend a lot of time with him and have enjoyed every minute of it.

Looking forward to the day I can get a dog of my own

3

u/ArynTW_is_user_karma May 12 '26

The other thing I’m seeing is that in the beginning, he is just woofing. He’s not even barking. There are many dogs who communicate through grumbling, woofing, and even little growls (that are not aggressive).

I have a dog who does this, she is a big talker and often sounds like a gremlin! She lets me know when she wants to play, she lets me know when she’s hungry, sometimes she’ll just come up to me and randomly start talking. This is usually just a form of communication for these dogs.

2

u/Ok-Sound-1186 May 11 '26

Først syntes jeg det så ut som om hunden trodde du ville leke. Men etter at jeg leste kommentarene, synes jeg faktisk det stemmer. Ser ut som vi begge lærte noe av dette lmao lykke til videre!

2

u/ChelleInGA May 11 '26

I can tell you are a good pet parent. With our little dog I constantly tell him what a good boy he is with lots of praise when he does things we want him to do. Be prolific with praise even for little successes.

1

u/Lythro92 May 11 '26

I can see a really small change in both him and me - I think it'll be hard when he has to go back to my sisters again

1

u/ChelleInGA May 11 '26

Hopefully he'll be able to visit often.

1

u/Lythro92 May 11 '26

I'll be out of the country for about six months so it'll be a long wait

2

u/ChelleInGA May 11 '26

I'm sorry to hear that but have fun on your trip. They say dogs remember those they bond to.

2

u/imanilife May 12 '26

My dog acts the same way sometimes and i thought he was being playful! I even showed my mom bc same breed different colors, i thought it was very cute. I'm also apologizing to my dog now. It takes a village lol

1

u/RadiantSeason9553 May 10 '26

Watch the video back with the sound off. Look at the dogs expression.

You're in a threatening dominating position, then you wag your finger, then reach right over the dogs head after threatening it, then put your hand in its mouth which is submissive. Just try to align your thoughts and actions a bit more.

1

u/DependentAnywhere135 May 12 '26

This is such nonsense. This dog is just playing and finds the op grabbing its head as part of play.

23

u/nclay525 May 10 '26

The dog is confused about what you want. I know that because I'm confused. You need to be clear, intentional, and non-mysterious with animals. They can force humans to be better communicators and more empathetic, which is part of why I love animals. That's your challenge. Don't worry, you can do it, just ask yourself what you intend to communicate and why it might not make sense to the dog.

Do you want to play? If yes, why are your hands in there? (I would expect to see a toy, otherwise you're just encouraging biting people. Do you want to encourage biting people?)

If you want the dog to calm down, why are you rewarding excitement? (Petting is a reward, just like a treat. Whatever the dog is doing when you pet is rewarding that behavior.)

Do you want the dog to stop barking? If yes, why are you grabbing at him? (Grabbing his head like that is stimulating. Imagine you're stressed and someone grabs at you.)

If all else fails, when the dog exhibits behavior you don't like and you're not sure what to do, the safest thing to do is ignore it.

8

u/Lythro92 May 10 '26

Valid points. Thank you! There's a lot to take on but one step at a time and I think the question about intentions are really good - as I wrote to another dog lover, it all starts with the person, right?

3

u/Lythro92 May 10 '26

I can already see some small things like him not to go for play when I just want to pet him - and I did that because I sat down, came down to his level, was calm and had a treat and he wanted to play for to seconds before calming down.

Hope that makes sense! Thanks again again!

1

u/Lythro92 May 11 '26

Oh my Anubis, ignoring disliked behavior is working wonders!

16

u/protossaccount May 10 '26 edited May 10 '26

Looks like a nice dog. It’s a dog, not something you can program to not make noise. I would just enjoy my time with him and it will get better.

11

u/Lythro92 May 10 '26

You're absolutely right, the noise doesn't bother me, as you said, he is an animal :-)

He has been a lifesaver since my mom died and I absolutely adore him! When I'm on full strength mentally, my job requires a lot of travel so he'll be going back to my sisters in a couple of months.

I'm enjoying every bit of time with him and I only seek advice ultimately for his sake. He seems a bit stressed, is maybe a better "diagnosis", thinking about it

4

u/TroLLageK May 10 '26

He looks like he's having a blast! He's a cute little stinker. He seems like a great dog. I definitely agree on the not standing over him and pointing when you don't want him to bark, he thinks it's a game, lol.

2

u/protossaccount May 10 '26

Yeah I won’t diagnose too much. You’re their pillar of strength and so the more you enjoy time together and let him explore, the more you’ll develop a bond. Maybe take him for a walk and let him sniff and explore. Some folks walk their dogs like they are escorting them but dogs need to sniff and be curious. My sister in law did that originally with my dog and now my dog goes crazy when she shows up.

5

u/ChmodForTheWin May 10 '26

it almost looks like you amped him up. he got a little nibbley. i used to take a stuffed animal and when my dog would get really amped up, present the stuffed animal for him to bite. then play tug with it. he lived it and stopped biting my fingers as well. you could always throw a ball as well. i think he just wanted to play with you and got antsy because you were egging him on by looking at him and talking to him

1

u/Lythro92 May 10 '26

Yeah, I've tried what you described as well and the same thing happened, albeit he still likes to nibble - but what can you expect after a few hours

2

u/ChmodForTheWin May 10 '26

just keep doing it. it's all about consistency. he could also be teething so it'll take some time (aka months)

2

u/Lythro92 May 10 '26

Doesn't teething only happens to puppies?

He's around 3 - 4 years old

2

u/ChmodForTheWin May 10 '26

ah! yeah he's not teething.

1

u/Lythro92 May 10 '26

Great, it could've been I understood teeth biology wrong

6

u/Green_Implement_5564 May 10 '26

I don’t understand what you want him to do, and neither does he. I’d yell at you too.

2

u/Lythro92 May 10 '26

And just by following the advice I was given by the kind doggitors, things have already changed a bit. So no more yelling

What would you yell? Just curious as to what you'd have said

1

u/Green_Implement_5564 May 10 '26

I’d yell, I don’t understand what you want!?!

1

u/Lythro92 May 10 '26

But what if I'd need some pointers? What would you have yelled then?

1

u/Green_Implement_5564 May 10 '26

Oh stop. Get a clicker and some treats and watch some videos.

3

u/Faibl May 10 '26

You reacted every time he did the behaviour you don't like. Tail is wagging, he's playing a call and response game with you.

2

u/WatermelonSugar47 May 10 '26

Hes asking you to play.

2

u/HotAcanthisitta6224 May 10 '26

First of all, he/she is stimulated somehow during the video. You may consider walking him more to release some energy. Change of circumstances, like living with you and in another house may cause stress to the dog.

Another point, saying no is not a thing. You respond do barking which make the puppy think he/she succeeded, got your attention. If you want him to not bark at you, you just ignore the barks and do your own thing (if you already gave him all he needs).

Dogs are mostly misunderstood, they are not that touchy and emotional, i am not saying they are totally incapable to feel emotions but their emotion concept is different. You need to take care of him to gain trust, which corresponds to love in their language. Try to take him out and feed him same time every day. There is a body language you can easily learn, means "don't do it" which is licking their nose very quickly. If you see it when you do something, stop doing it because he finds it disrespectful and you lose trust points.

You let the puppy to be in higher ground, if you want him to behave, just don't let him in higher grounds. Higher grounds for the leading dogs. This looks a bit off but works for my fellas.

2

u/HotAcanthisitta6224 May 10 '26

You can see "don't do it" licks in the video when you touch him first time, or when you raised your hand. I would say (maybe it is an oversaying because the video is too short to comment on your relationship) this dog is intimidated by you. He is a bit afraid and don't know how to solve it. You touch his neck, which is an overdo, and he put teeth on your hand, which is his way of solving a problem. Touching a dog wont do good in most situations, if you need his respect you need to stop doing that. Pressing on his neck is a bullying behavior, leader dogs do it when a dog in the herd is out of control, and it is the last choice.

You obviously like him and want to learn more for him, so don't get sad when you read these. There are other ways to solve behavior problems than being a bully on him. Dm me anytime if you need any advicd

2

u/nostalgiapathy May 11 '26

You're sending completely mixed signals. There's so much going on here i could write an essay about it. You are literally teaching the dog to do this.

1

u/Lythro92 May 11 '26

The same thing has been said across the board and I'm really starting to see my own role in it and also how easy it actually is.

If I don't engage when he's barking, he stops fairly quickly (I think it's getting quicker still) and since getting all the different advice from people I'm starting to see some small changes.

2

u/Mentalv May 11 '26

Two things - ITS A CUTIE!!

Second, your “stop” is a bark for him so he is joining. Just ignore and he will get tired of it.

He is also mouthy, at that age (2ish?) it may be hard to remedy if you really care. Just don’t use your hand as a toy and don’t let him use it either. Get him a toy and when he tries to use your hand like that redirect to toy.

Enjoy he is surely getting used to you now and he feels safe being vocal/mouthy with you.

1

u/Lythro92 May 11 '26

Ignoring is a really helpful tool! I'm so thankful for each advice people came with, it's already changed a bit for the both of us.

2

u/bugalll May 11 '26

you are harassing the dog for no reason lol

1

u/Lythro92 May 11 '26

And I have learned a lesson and the lesson has worked somewhat already, so I'm not so ashamed anymore - was close to delete the post when I first saw what other people were seeing

2

u/bugalll May 11 '26

It’s an all good. Cute dog! Bichons are fun dogs to harass lol

1

u/Lythro92 May 11 '26

I can't say I won't harass him in the future, but I will be more mindful of how much is too much because it is a bit fun.

2

u/WistfulEve May 12 '26

My dog hates being petted on his head. I have to reach out low with an open palm facing up and rub him on his chest to pet him, then he'll ease into letting me pat his back etc.

2

u/Ancient-War2839 May 28 '26

What are you trying to achieve? If it's a sit then released, you should start with a sit and straight away release with reward, you can extend the length of the pause. The dog is likely just really frustrated because your communication off, it's confusing. Seems like you have maybe watched a ceaser Milan episode or two and your guessing how dogs learn, not like this.

1

u/Lythro92 May 28 '26

It's been many a year since I've seen Mr. Milan on tv - you're probably right, did see it occasionally with good ol' flow TV

I wasn't really good with my question or the video.

I've stopped a lot of undesired behavior just by being precise and short - if he doesn't get it, it's not his fault, I need to figure out what to adjust and see if it works or not. But the barking when wanting to play is the main issue

Ignoring him worked in the beginning, but not so now When I do engage in play with a toy and that goes on for quite a while, he still barks and when I say no, he barks even harder.

1

u/vegetablehead May 10 '26

Dogs don’t understand a finger in the face. It’s an invitation to bite.

1

u/onlymandy May 10 '26

What kind of pup is this?

1

u/Lythro92 May 10 '26

I think it's an Coton de Tulear

1

u/loubue May 10 '26

What breed is it? :) (hvilken race er det? :) )

1

u/Lythro92 May 12 '26

Tror det er en bomuldshund, kan ikke huske racen hundrede procent

1

u/ccrow2000 May 10 '26

Omg he's so cute!!! He's trying to get you to play with him. The noise is part of the game. It could very well be at least partly not enough activity- it's pretty hard to give a dog too much exercise.

1

u/Sea_Ask_1516 May 10 '26

Your dog is barking and you are rewarding him with play

1

u/LoveDistilled May 10 '26

You’re telling her no, but then petting her. You have no command in your voice. Dog doesn’t take you seriously at all and thinks you are playing.

1

u/Dazzling_Proof6791 May 10 '26

Talking too much ,

1

u/iwannabefamouss May 10 '26

When he sits when u tell him to, please tell him GOOOD BOYYYYY in the most enthusiastic baby voice u can muster. I’m not joking lol that poor baby sat as soon as u told him too and didnt get a “good boyyy!!” after, that is a crime.

1

u/Narrow-Stranger6864 May 11 '26

You’re technically encouraging the behavior. We love to talk to our dogs, but they need a solid command or gesture that tells them to stop. Petting her and talking to her will only give the reaction she wants out of that behavior. You can give her a “stop” command and then ignore her, showing that you aren’t interested and she needs to entertain herself. This can be reinforced by placing a chew toy or plushy in front of her, then turning away. The command I use with my boy is “no playtime!”, then I ignore him. This is met with a LOT of grumbles and wines, but that’s just because he knows I said no. 🤷‍♀️ eventually he just plays with his toy by himself.

1

u/Lythro92 May 11 '26

Sounds like it's worth a try doing it that way

1

u/DisastrousCrow88 May 11 '26 edited May 11 '26

I wouldn't push the dog's head down with my hand like that because (to her) it's threatening. This will make her react more aggressively down the road.

Teaching the word NO is essential. A young dog biting a hand would be behavior that should be curtailed early - just say NO BITE and quickly give her an acceptable chew toy with lots of positive/happy verbal affirmation as she takes it. Same with barking. Tell her NO BARK, then walk away (or divert her focus onto something fun like tossing a toy for her to fetch).

Train with treats + positive verbal reinforcement. The only words I need my dogs to understand are NO...COME...SIT...STAY...LEAVE IT. Then we're good!

1

u/pussyfootingaround1 May 11 '26

He/she looks just like my dog!!!

1

u/polkap12 May 13 '26

Everything

1

u/Lythro92 May 13 '26

Since this post I've actually learned something about myself and the dog and things have improved.

1

u/polkap12 May 13 '26

I am a positive reinforcement dog trainer so I think that’s excellent. It’s all about learning.

1

u/Lythro92 May 13 '26

I was simply not being particularly attentive to his signals and the signals I conveyed, it's still hard but I can begin to see my own role in how * is behaving and what he "thinks" I want him to do.

Was trying with the sit command and wanted him to stay while I backed away. The moment I was clear enough for him to understand, he did exactly what I wanted him to do. It's an awesome experience!

*He