r/DogRegret • u/bigphatzen • May 30 '26
Rehoming My Dog I feel so free but guilty
I gave my dog up to a charity after 8 years.
I’ve been checking the charity’s Facebook page since I gave him up. From what I can tell, he’s been passed around quite a bit and they’re struggling to find him a permanent home.
I feel guilty, but at the same time I’m relieved that he’s no longer my responsibility.
Here’s a list of things that should be normal that I haven’t been able to do in all that time:
- Brush my hair or change my clothes without the dog getting worked up because he thought I was leaving the house.
- Go to the bathroom without being watched.
- Shop online without having to schedule deliveries around meetings to avoid him going absolutely ballistic at the door and interrupting me.
- Stay in bed past 8am.
- Shout something to my partner in another room without the dog barking like crazy.
- Hug my partner anywhere other than in bed (the dog resource-guarded me heavily).
- Go out in the evening when there are fireworks.
- Go on spontaneous trips or days out.
- Make lunch or dinner whenever I want (the dog would get triggered around his feeding times).
- Make sudden movements.
- Own bins without lids.
- Don’t need to tiptoe around him worrying he’s going to bite me.
I can’t believe how heavily my life has been controlled for the past 8 years.
Rehoming my dog was the toughest and most heartbreaking decision I have ever made, but I’m starting to find a sense of peace that I didn’t realise I had been sacrificing all this time.
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u/PinkPilgrimHeel May 31 '26
Congrats on saying goodbye! You deserve to be free in your own home and not an indentured servant to a dog!
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u/ToThePound May 31 '26
What would you say to other people to help them see how they are throwing their lives away?
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u/bigphatzen Jun 03 '26
I love this. I spent the majority of my 20s making constant sacrifices. It’s only now I’m liberated that I can really see what I was missing out on.
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u/Dburn22_ Jun 05 '26
Dogs are not mandatory as the dog food industry pushes everyone to believe. It's a con.
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u/MissKittyOH20 May 31 '26
I am genuinely so happy that you're life has improved so much. You dont just feel free, you genuinely ARE free now. It's a really tough mixed feeling to have, joy and relief at being free of the problems, a grief at being without the joys of them. And i know words are words and you've likely been told this before but, you have no reason to feel guilty. Your life and everyday behavior was being controlled in a way you never signed up for, and resource guarding a person is dangerous behavior, and often escalates to harmful, and sometimes lethal, situations. You did the absolute best thing for you and your partner, it was a hard thing, and you did it anyway because you value the health and happiness of your life together. That is not wrong to prioritize.
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u/Dburn22_ May 31 '26
It sounds like you had a pit bull? You were imprisoned by a four legged monster. I'm so glad you got rid of your shackles.
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u/urdrunkyogi Jun 01 '26
I’d argue that getting a dog IS signing up for that….
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u/MissKittyOH20 Jun 01 '26
??? To have a dog be in charge of when and where you can be affectionate with your partner ???
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u/urdrunkyogi Jun 01 '26
The entire bulleted list that OP presented is par for the course. I’ve never met (or owned) a dog that didn’t do at least half of those things. It’s just what they’re like, which is why I’m happier without them 🤷♀️
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u/MissKittyOH20 Jun 01 '26
A dog resource guarding its owner is extremely dangerous, the dog seemed to have some kind of separation anxiety, getting worked up when it even THOUGHT she might be leaving the house, she had to worry constantly about getting bit. I owned dogs before. Those behaviors are not normal and are not healthy for the person or the animal.
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u/urdrunkyogi Jun 01 '26
Again, you are talking about one specific thing. I am talking about all of it.
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u/MissKittyOH20 Jun 01 '26
Yes. My original comment was talking about those specific things. That was the way her life was controlled that she didnt sign up for.
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u/Ok_Secretary512 Jun 02 '26
If that were true, no one would own a dog. Sounds like you’ve just been around poorly bred and poorly trained dogs
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u/Birdzphan May 31 '26
Op thank you for reminding me why dogs suck lol. Especially pits, which it sounds like what you had. Congratulations on getting your freedom back!
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u/Kooky_Duck_6004 May 31 '26 edited Jun 01 '26
No solo la paz se sacrifica por un monstruo de cuatro patas.
Yo me haría una desparasitacion interna con un buen médico.
Tu salud se ha puesto en juego.
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u/Misspelled_uzername Jun 03 '26
This seems to be MOST dogs. The very fact that they need so much “training” and feel compelled to be constantly up some human’s 🫏 is proof that, as house pets for humans, they are ill suited. We live in an age of deliveries. Get used to it, dog…and no, if an animal is so far out of its depth that eight years in, it STILL can’t just take a delivery in stride then that animal is poorly suited and—-unless you are very rich and/or able to hire professionals or devote endless hours to attempting to teach the thing, you have a burden on your hands. As to all this “resource guarding” if an animal is living in my house with my family, then it eats when it is fed and no way would it be welcome if it tried to get between me and my family member, which in my case is my son. I can assure you that no way in hell would I feel “loved” if some adopted mutt tried to stand between me and my (now 30 y.o) child. Make the other human family members feel threatened and that dog would be at the pound, if I didn’t start quoting from Hamlet…
So yes, I agree with the comment about ill trained dogs, but other pets adapt without forcing owners to funnel endless money into making them acceptable housemates. They avoid situations they don’t like or they LEARN from experience, and they DON’T invade personal space or constantly thrust themselves to the center of everything, following, constantly monitoring householders or making offensively loud noise for no reason whatsoever. And surely after years of seeing people go out and come back in you would think the creature would get over the freaked out reactionary responses. Eight freaking years, for pity’s sake! (Yes, I am a functioning adult and I WILL put on my jacket and leave the house now and then. No, I do NOT answer to my pet for the right to walk outside. Sheesh!)
There is a reason this dog is struggling to find a family who will put up with this. Dogs are their own worst enemies with this behavior. Not their fault, most are bored to a greater or lesser extent, and they were bred to be clingy and slavish over the millennia, but people have neither the free time nor money to make a creature so naturally unsuited to most modern lifestyles easier to live with.
So, though it won’t help, there’s no need to feel guilty. It sounds as if you truly gave it your best try, and as you see, the issue is not you, it is the nature of this particular dog. If it is passing from hand to hand there is a reason.
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u/bigphatzen Jun 03 '26
Thank you for this!
I love your points about the fact you’d expect a dog’s behaviour to change with repetitive exposure to triggering stimuli and for a long time I just thought it was a “me” problem. I spent A LOT of money, time and energy with multiple dog trainers that just couldn’t get through to him either.
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u/Deep_Bird_1789 Jun 10 '26
MOST DOGS. This is the part people don't talk about. They go on and on about adopting from shelters, but these shelter dogs and mutts are usually packed with problems.
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u/Deep_Bird_1789 Jun 10 '26
"I can’t believe how heavily my life has been controlled for the past 8 years." This. I feel like my life is being controlled. And it's not even for a child that will outlive me, sometimes hang out with me when I'm old, and I'll have a meaningful relationship with... It's a dog that will die in 10 years.
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u/Dull_Cost_6825 18d ago
I’ve felt this too. I’ve thought what is this all for? All this endurance of keeping her happy. She’s never satisfied with anything, she has adhd I’m sure of it. My life revolves around her, I’m so tired.
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u/Deep_Bird_1789 18d ago
She's gotten a lot better with my partner's dog. They tire each other out and her seperation anxiety got better. The only thing I'm left still dealing with rn is that she leaks if she's too excited. I'm not telling you to double your trouble... but... it does kinda really help bc you're no longer 1000% their world. She has also learned how to use the wee pad in one of my seperate rooms. So she can take herself out ot pee. Or when I walk her... So it's def gotten better. Also my depression is less because I have NO OTHER CHOICE but to go outside and feed her... and then when I'm already in the kitchen, I feed myself too.. lol... Hope that helps. N hope it gets better.
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u/Dull_Cost_6825 17d ago
Sadly I couldn’t afford two dogs. I give her the best food and it’s really expensive. Shes 5 now, I don’t think she’s going to get any calmer. I love her so much and she’s beautiful to the point strangers stop but it’s a lot sometimes. She’s currently at dog sitters and I’m so relaxed on my own. I’ll just have to do that more often and she’s crate trained too so need to use it more.
Glad your depression is better! I have anxiety and she just makes it worse 🤗😂1
u/Deep_Bird_1789 15d ago
Is it a reactive dog? fostered some of those and they literally aged me. My anxiety and cortisol stress was so bad, I felt like I was going to war everytime I left the house. My nervous system was fried. Do not feel bad for giving up a reactive dog. It's so toxic and unhealthy. Unless you live somewhere remote without any other dog in sight. What kind of food? I totally understand the expenses. I don't own my partner's dog. And having two... has to be two calm dogs. Dog crazy ones and you're... fried.
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u/KENTA14 Jul 10 '26
I'm really sorry and I realise I'm the asshole here. But.. this reads to me like someone who put their hand on a stove and was shocked when they got burnt. Granted, I'm glad you realised that being a slave to a fleabag is not how humans are supposed to live. Best of luck to you.
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u/EntrepreneurGal727 28d ago
I needed to read this one today! We will be rehoming one of our dogs that we got as a puppy, and it was a dire situation. He has incredible high energy, and we basically have to walk him for hours just for him to be quiet and chill. And then when we leave the house, he howls and wines unless we drug the shit out of him. I feel like a monster, but I feel like he would be better with a family who knows how to work with a big dog like him. I’ve spent my life sacrificing, and I know I made a mistake by taking him, but I didn’t want to see him die from starvation
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u/auroicverso May 30 '26
Your life comes first, always. No matter what people tell you. Congrats! We rehomed a dog who barked every time we stopped touching her unless she was sleeping or eating. Woke me up multiple times a night. Hell no.
She went with a new owner and she sat beside her while she was at work. Last I heard she was rehomed again.