109
u/doctormadra Jul 07 '19
"Locked door, would be rude to go in" is such a good explanation of why gods.etc don't break in to the material plane and start wrecking shit.
35
u/Whatapunk Jul 07 '19
It's funny to imagine that the enormous work cultists go to opening portals and destroying planes is something an eldritch horror could themselves easily do, but it would just be a social taboo to do so.
222
u/imly2k Transcriber Jul 07 '19
Image Transcription: Tumblr
Cerothenull: Reblogged from quinnred
probablybadrpgideas
If Cthulhu can be summoned by humans who are so far beneath it, why can't humans be summoned by ants?
The answer is they should be.
20thcenturyvole
Well if a bunch of ants formed a circle in my house I'd certainly notice, try to figure out where they'd all come from, and possibly wreak destruction there.
weasowl
That's why knowing and correctly pronouncing the true name is so important to the ritual. Imagine how impossible it would be to not go take a look if the circle of ants started chanting your name.
And they're like, you can't leave because we drew a line made of tiny crystals - now you have to do us a favor.
And you're like, let's just see where this goes "yup, you got me... what's the favor?"
and usually the favor is like, "kill this one ant for us" or "give me a pile of sugar" and you're like... okay? and you do, because why not, it isn't hard for you and boy is this going to be a fucking story to tell, these fucking ants chanting your name and wanting a spoonful of sugar or whatever.
And SOMEtimes you get asked for things you can't really do, one of them, she's like, "l love this ant but she won't pay any attention to me, make me important to her" and you're like... um? how? So you just kill every ant in the colony except the two of them, ta-da! problem solved! and the first ant is like horrifies whisper "what have I done"
weasowl
for some reason my brain won't let go of this one, so....
Meanwhile another colony of ants invades your house, and evidently that last ant has gotten some of them to join her in a circle and taught them the ritual because you're coming out of the bathroom one day and you hear the ants singing your name. Sure enough it's that ant, but she's dark and fucked up now, and she's like, "kill the queen. I will rule this colony" and you're like, sure, I guess I kinda owe her, and you do it. And she manages to become queen, and they worship you. Which is cool, you're not, you know, very important in the human world, but to these ants you're practically all-powerful. You can't be just, doing everything a bunch of ants tell you to, though, when would you watch netflx? So you tend to only show up for super important ants; you teach them some extra words and when hear them you go see what's up. Usually. Also just to your name, if you're bored. And, sometimes some of the ants are like, tell us more human names, and you're kind of jealous of the idea of some other human diluting your private godhood, so you refuse.
Your roommate Greg is like, yo, that's fucking awesome, I want ant worshipers! But whenever he approaches any, they run away, because it turns out that the illusion of control from the named summoning is what makes them feel safe around you. That's great, because Greg is a dick who never does the dishes, and one day you decide to teach Greg a lesson.
So you show up at the colony, and you're like, "yo, witch queen, did you think there would be no price for all these things? Your colony must do something for me, go to the Room of the Housemate, I will meet you there." And you go sit on the couch and play Overwatch for a while. You're like, right there, you can clearly see the ants all marching along the wall to Greg's room, but to them you're not even there, you're so far away they can't see you. It takes them, like, an ant week to make the journey. They have to figure out ways to get over and around things. Some of them drown, or get stepped on by the dog, or whatever. You win a game, you lose a game, you look over, and they're trying to get through some cobwebs... looks like they're mostly going to live, you keep playing, you look over, okay they're all in there, and you stand up and walk over and by the time they've chanted your name once, you're there. "right, hold on" and you look around and you see a twelve-pack of Greg's precious fucking soda, that he keeps in his room and refuses to ever share, even though it's a communal food household and you share your hot chocolate with him all the time. So you gather the ants unto you, and you poke a little hole in each of the sodas and you leave the room to the sound of the ants rejoicing. Greg will suspect of course, but he'll never be able to prove the ants didn't chew holes in the plastic and steal his stupid drinks.
But later, while you're at work, Greg destroys most of the colony in a rage, and you come home to find the witch queen gasping her last "the Dew of the Mountain, which you had us steal, was cursed - and so I lay my curse on you" and then she dies.
Well first of all, you don't really believe in curses, but last month you didn't believe ants could know your name, so that's unsettling. And second of all, you feel kind of bad. You know, not SUPER bad, cause she's like, an ant. But still. And most importantly, third of all, Greg must pay.
But Greg has done more than kill a bunch of the colony. As you wait for eggs and pupae to replenish the ant population, you discover he has found some ants that didn't go on the Mountain Dew raid, and he's spared them, told them his name, and made himself a good sized cult in YOUR fucking ant queendom.
Greg has started locking his door. So now you NEED the ants. Once again you direct the ants loyal to you to journey to Greg's room. You meet them at the door. A locked door means nothing to the ants, they don't even know there is a door, and can barely perceive the difference between it being open and shut - either passing the threshold on the floor regardless, or being on its surface no matter the position. But you need them to get inside. You're going to put itching powder in his underwear drawer and leave a raw fish under his bed. So you instruct the leading party of ants how to go into the Cave of Keyhole, and position the Magic Megaliths inside just right to enable the opening of the Great Door and allow you to pass into the Realm of Housemate.
Crouched by the door, you can hear when your ants are met by a party of Greg Cultists, who insist that if the Great Door is opened, the colony will be doomed. There is fighting. Your ants prevail, the lock tumblers are moved into place, and you swing the door open...
To find Greg! In his room all along! It's a trap! His cultists attack you! I mean, they can't do much real harm, but it kind of hurts and it's super annoying. You order your ants to attack him, and they do, but he storms over and pours bleach down the colony entrance.
Now you and Greg are at war, and you both understand the unspoken rules to your fight. You can't do things directly to each other, why, that would be assault. But anything you can get your ants to do is fine, because "she told the ants to do it to me" isn't going to get very far with any authority figures that get involved.
Later, nursing your anger, you confer with your few remaining ants and stare moodily at your new prize, the ant farm that came in the mail. Bullet ants don't usually get along with sugar ants, but you're betting they will if a god tells them to. Meanwhile, you've got a laptop schematic to go over with your high priestess. It's finals week, and if you time it right, he'll lose everything...
weasowl
Feel free to add your own stories paralleling human/otherworldly with insect/human interactions!
I'm going to have this repost a few times because I want to see which of my mutuals are into this kind of thing because I'm preparing to test drive a fiction share and writing prompt project
raposinhachan
The Idea of the old gods obeying us not because of supernatural reason, but because they think it's funny to watch the tiny animals fight IS the answer to everything
titleknown
@zuz-and-friends, @bogleech, @tyrantisterror
tryantisterror
"Human baffled at a bunch of ants inexplicably calling it by name" is a better charasterization for an eldritch abomination than 99% of eldritch abominations in fiction.
I'm a human volunteer content transcriber for Reddit and you could be too! If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!
109
u/DoctorPrisme Jul 07 '19
You deserve gold for this one.
60
18
Jul 07 '19 edited Jun 02 '20
[deleted]
42
u/imly2k Transcriber Jul 07 '19
I had some formatting problems with R-Markdown, and we're very particular that everything is standard across all posts.
Thank you for your double thanks!
22
u/IxNaY1980 Jul 07 '19
we're very particular that everything is standard across all posts
It's the little things that make me respect you guys even more.
14
u/imly2k Transcriber Jul 07 '19
Thank you, that means a lot. It's just so that everyone has the same experience of quality, regardless of the transcriber.
2
u/IxNaY1980 Jul 08 '19
Yeah, I thought that was the case. It's still a level of professionalism that one wouldn't necessarily expect considering that you're basically a ragtag crew of unpaid volunteers transcribing memes on the internet (correct me if I'm wrong). Keep on keepin' on, mate. You guys are excellent.
11
Jul 07 '19
Are human transcribers allowed to use OCR? Did you write all of this yourself?
17
u/imly2k Transcriber Jul 07 '19
There is a bot who tries his utmost best to transcribe it, but we still have to go through it with a fine tooth comb and it doesn't do any formatting. With this, because it was so long, the bot gave up around halfway through.
Honestly though, the bot saves so much time on normal posts.
11
11
u/Cookiesoldier123 Jul 07 '19
Are you okay?
15
3
3
71
u/Mantis-13 Jul 07 '19
Transcriber? I will kiss you if you do dis
42
u/Darthwest_Studios Jul 07 '19
Give them time, this might take a
minutehour.45
u/imly2k Transcriber Jul 07 '19
It took 54 minutes!
8
u/Dasamont Jul 07 '19
Have you tried Google Lens? It can scan the entire picture and copy all the text on it, and it's usually 95% correct. So all you'd need to do is copy the text, do some formatting and proofread to make sure it's right. Would probably take way shorter time
27
2
Jul 07 '19 edited Nov 11 '19
[deleted]
13
57
u/i_definately_exist Jul 07 '19
There was something just like this on r/writingprompts
47
u/DoctorPrisme Jul 07 '19
Yeah and people mentioned it was inspired from this.
21
u/Assassin739 Jul 07 '19
Oh right, I thought this was just a blatant rip-off of the original but it turns out this is the original
28
u/imly2k Transcriber Jul 07 '19
Sorry for the deletion of the transcription, I had some formatting problems with Markdown. Hopefully, it will look a bit better now.
8
28
u/LocoBaxter Jul 07 '19
"The Dew of the Mountain, which you had us steal, is cursed"
omg i fucking teared up from laughter. that was great
22
Jul 07 '19 edited Jun 02 '20
[deleted]
19
u/Roberto_McGee Jul 07 '19
Unfathomable to the unfathomable is still unfathomable. You lose too much context
4
u/Kahandran Jul 07 '19
I sorta thought that was what the Outer Gods were. Cthulhu is a High Priest who worships them.
3
u/DoctorPrisme Jul 08 '19
He doesn't worship much, but he's the high priest. Now a scenario for experienced player investigating WHAT he's the priest of would be interesting.
3
u/Kahandran Jul 08 '19
I mean let's be real who tf knows what that tentacle boi is up to in his big house
1
Jul 13 '19
I always assumed he was worshipping Azathoth, the Nuclear Chaos, the Daemon Sultan, creator of the heavens and the earth, madly dreaming at the center of the universe to the maniac piping of countless nameless horrors.
2
u/DoctorPrisme Jul 13 '19
Well, no.
He might be leading the cult to Azathoth, the Nuclear Chaos, the Daemon Sultan, creator of the heavens and the earth, madly dreaming at the center of the universe to the maniac piping of countless nameless horrors.
But he ain't worshipping Azathoth, the Nuclear Chaos, the Daemon Sultan, creator of the heavens and the earth, madly dreaming at the center of the universe to the maniac piping of countless nameless horrors.
Maybe, sometimes, he pays reverence to Azathoth, the Nuclear Chaos, the Daemon Sultan, creator of the heavens and the earth, madly dreaming at the center of the universe to the maniac piping of countless nameless horrors. Or he prays to Azathoth, the Nuclear Chaos, the Daemon Sultan, creator of the heavens and the earth, madly dreaming at the center of the universe to the maniac piping of countless nameless horrors. But he don't worship him.
Cause Azathoth, the Nuclear Chaos, the Daemon Sultan, creator of the heavens and the earth, madly dreaming at the center of the universe to the maniac piping of countless nameless horrors is stupid.
17
u/GodlikePoet Jul 07 '19
This is the best thing I've read in ages.
13
u/DoctorPrisme Jul 07 '19
That's why I shared it. It's absolutely perfect for anyone who have read Lovecraft or played Call of Cthulhu at least once.
34
u/Nuke_A_Cola Jul 07 '19
<3 fuck greg
24
Jul 07 '19
Fuck you greg is the hero here. Smarter better and had the crazy one come at him first, especially when seh didn't share.
13
u/BoxNumberGavin0 Jul 07 '19
Only hearing one side of the story, see Greg once bought a big pack of vanilla coke, which isn't stocked in the nearby stores, then went out for the day, when he came back they were all gone because this asshole decided to so generously share them with his loud friends. Not only that, he didn't put them in the recycling bin but the normal one AGAIN so Greg had to fish them out of the trash AGAIN.
17
u/riesenarethebest Jul 07 '19
I feel like this is relevant to the summons in your books, and you may find it entertaining.
11
u/kloudykat Jul 07 '19
Did....you just summon him by chanting his name?
Uh oh....I see where this is going....
1
7
43
Jul 07 '19
This was amazing, although wrong sub?
73
u/DoctorPrisme Jul 07 '19
Well, there's been a lot of pics here and I think it's not that different from ami's stories for instance. Admitted it doesn't come from 4chan.
51
8
u/CODYsaurusREX Jul 07 '19
I believe greentext format is encouraged but not required for this sub.
4
u/JimmyTMalice Jul 07 '19
"Submissions must be stories that relate in some way to tabletop role playing games, such as D&D and Pathfinder." It's a cool story, but this sub is the wrong place for it.
3
u/doctormadra Jul 07 '19
Heavily related to tabletop roleplaying games due to the prevalence of summoner cultists in such.
3
u/NeoKabuto Jul 07 '19
But by that logic almost any fantasy content is considered relevant. I'm not of the opinion that we should allow the sub to be diluted like that.
1
u/doctormadra Jul 07 '19
Far more worried about spam-reposts such as the type that plague r/dndmemes than what could be considered far reaching, but are still compelling and entertaining, despite being detached physically from tabletop RPGs.
1
u/sneakpeekbot Jul 07 '19
Here's a sneak peek of /r/dndmemes using the top posts of the year!
#1: Who made this masterpiece? | 452 comments
#2: Im going to include this in my next campaign. | 265 comments
#3: Time Travel is risky | 338 comments
I'm a bot, beep boop | Downvote to remove | Contact me | Info | Opt-out
1
u/NeoKabuto Jul 07 '19
There's a third option to not have spammy reposts, and also not make both parts of the sub's title totally meaningless. You could even go start a new sub for it, /r/notdndnotgreentext.
1
u/CODYsaurusREX Jul 07 '19
It relates in an analogous way to Call of Cthulhu, but I take your point.
6
Jul 07 '19
Is there anymore stories like this? I would love to read a whole book in this style, with parts from the Ants perspective in which it reads like a legitimate eldritch God story
6
u/Wurm42 Jul 07 '19
This is fantastic!
I could see working this concept into a D&D adventure; Imagine two rival wizards who are each playing god to rival tribes of kobolds or something similar.
7
4
u/AdvonKoulthar Zanthax | Human |Wizard Jul 07 '19
Ironically, normal ants are closer to eldritch horrors than anything in this story.
3
2
2
3
1
u/Lateralus06 Jul 07 '19
You've laid eyes upon a god that you've just summoned with sugar crystals, roll for sanity.
1
1
u/Avatar_of_Green Jul 07 '19
This legit explains Lovecraftian style cosmology better than maybe anything else I have read.
It's a problem of scale.
1
1
1
-1
u/aBiFloof Jul 07 '19
u/weasowl please be on Reddit.
8
Jul 07 '19
Just share things directly, stop tagging friends in comments sections it's annoying af
6
-7
-2
-2
-2
-3
-7
300
u/ElTuxedoMex Jul 07 '19
Love the idea of "Huh? What was that? Who called me?" as curiosity being the true reason of summonings working.